All In

This morning when I was folding the laundry and arranging my girls' clothes, I found out that there got a couple of shirts which do not fit Michelle well anymore.  Basically, they became smaller for her.  Time flies so fast.  I felt like it was not so long ago she was born but she is now three years old already.   And Sophie is officially a kindergartner now.  

And there is a big difference between a preschooler and a kindergartner.   She definitely is now getting much busier with her studies.  In her preschool, she learnt something every day but it was just learning for fun.  But for now, she needs to take her studies seriously as she is going to have the assessments  of what she has learnt and her progress every five weeks at her kindergarten.  

Being a mom of a kindergartener, I could also feel myself that I'm much busier.   And definitely it's true that I'm loaded with lots of concerns and expectations for her.   I truly believe that a mom plays a very important role for her kids' education and how well they do in their class, especially when they are this young like a kindergartener.  

First of all, both of us believe that giving a good education to our girls is the most important thing for the rest of their lives.  As she could not get admitted to schools in Davis, we had decided to send her to the private school instead of the public school where she has been assigned to.  Due to the budget cut and all sort of crisis going on, the class size becomes bigger in the public school vs. the smaller and a closer supervision in the private school due to its small class size.

 I thought that once Sophie goes to the kindergarten, we could save quite somewhat substantial tuition fee for her so that we could use it to pay off our mortgage faster.  Well, it would not be true for now since she is going to the private school.   In fact, her kindergarten tuition fee is even more expensive than her preschool one.  It was a big decision but we both didn't get regretted.  As long as she's getting a great education, we both feel so ecstatic.  That's all what we're investing her for.  I told myself that I would save money in other perspectives instead.   Or I work harder so that I could make more money to pay it off? :P

Secondly, my mind is fully loaded with lots of concern for her learning.  Recently, I've been doing lots of research for how to teach a kindergartener.    I've checked her school's curriculum and it's well structured and well planned.  However, I still feel that if I would teach her at home as well, it would definitely help her do much better at school.   There are lots of aspects which I need to help her with: writing, reading, spelling, Spanish, math, science, arts, etc. 

My mind is so overwhelmed that I even feel like that I don't really have time to do other stuff.   Working on a full-time job and trying to be a good housewife and a good mom really is not easy indeed.   Spending time and helping them with their studies alone take up most of my available time after work.  At the same time, it makes me realize more that being a good mom is not that easy.  A good mom is the one who is willing to invest all or most her personal times toward her kids.  

Not only the time but also the patience, effort and lots of other things need to be factored in as far as helping with Sophie's studies.   For instance, I was teaching her the spelling of zero through ten right before a week of her kindergarten start.   I know that she has a memory as good as photographic so I'm totally confident that she would master it in no time.  However, while I was teaching her, she really had a difficulty in remembering all of them.  Even to repeat the spelling of what I had just said seemed so difficult for her and she kept messing up with the spelling. 

I know that it was due to her concentration problem and eventually I was so mad at her.  Then I've made up my mind that we both would not stop even she didn't become mastered all those spellings by then.   He even told me that I was so harsh towards her and was using the wrong approach to teach her.

 And she knew that I was mad at her and she was even sweating.  But then guess what?  She magically got them all right not along after I was mad at her.  And I keep testing her spelling all subsequent days and she got everything right.  I know that how she feels so good and proud about herself for it.   Of course, it's needless to say that I feel so good and proud of her as well.  

Last Friday, she showed me all bright shiny colorful bracelets which were awarded to her from her teacher.  She told me that she was doing so well in her class and she was the only one who got all those awards.  Nothing else could make me more ecstatic than her little overjoyed face right at that moment.  Who would not feel so good about their own achievements and the rewards they got?

In addition to that, there are lots of extra-curriculum activities and skills I want her to learn.  I really want her to be a very well-rounded person.  When I was young, there got lots of things I want to do and learn but I was not encouraged and supported by my parents.  For instance, I want to learn how to play the piano and the guitar.  But my parents believed that those were just a waste of time and useless and they never let me learn them.   Now, I realize that learning a piano could stimulate the brain of young kids so it has a good effect for their school studies as well.   And I've sworn to myself that I would let my girls learn any other extra-curriculum skills and activities as long as they are willing to do so.  

Yesterday, during her piano lesson, she seemed to have problems with sitting still on her keyboard stool and focusing on her learning.  As her teacher is my friend, she knows him well so she kept talking to her some other distracting stuff as she seemed fidget with her piano lessons.  I had to scold her often to stay focused.  I used techniques like I didn't let her drink her juice if she didn't do well, etc.  Eventually she was doing alright.   I know that I could be a mean mom sometimes but I hope that she would understand me one day.  All I was doing are for her own good sake.  I really hope that you would understand me one day, my dear!

I think it's really important that parents need to override their kids' preferences from time to time to make them stay on the correct paths.   At this age, they are not quite sure yet what they want to do nor what they are supposed to do nor what are the things they are interested in to do.   I believe that there is no kid who is not fond of playing and thus playing usually outweighs their studies and other things they are supposed to do.  Therefore, parents have to override what they need to do.   

For instance, I was sent to the swimming class when I was a teenager.   I didn't like swimming at that time.  One time, I was forced to push into the deep water by my swim instructor.  As I didn't know how to swim well, I was struggling in the water by drinking so much water.  That awful experience made me even more scared to learn swimming.   Consequently, I didn't manage to get the swim certificate and ended up not knowing how to swim even though I was sent to the swim class by my parents.   But now, I regretted that I didn't learn well at that time and how I wish that I know how to swim!   But it was way too late now!

At that time, my parents sent me to the swim class with my friend who was a few years senior than me and who was also the daughter of my dad's best friend.  Even though I told them that I didn't want to learn the swimming and I'm afraid of the water, they all did was to force me to go to the class with their best friend's daughter.   If they had kept me accompanied or if they had convinced me how important and useful it is to know how to swim, I might have ended up knowing how to swim.    Therefore, it's sometimes important that parents need to understand their kids really well and to override their preferences if it deemed necessary.

I might be so mean, strict, pushy and make you feel unpleasant often.  But I'll do whatever it takes the best for you girls at all cost.  I'm all in.  At this point, you might not understand me what and why I'm doing all these.  However, I really hope and wish that you would see me through and get me right on one day though.