Before an uninvited guest has knocked on our doors...

"Death" is something unpleasant and I don't think that anyone want to talk about it.  There are exceptions like monks and certain people though.  But a lot of us tend to forget it because no one really wants to die. 

But there are times like family, friends or loved ones' deaths are something we gotta unavoidably deal with.  The recent death of my big aunt, my late big uncle's wife, brought "Death" once again to my attention.  When I talked with my youngest uncle about her situation during her last hospitalization days, it broke my tears again as it once again poked my old scar for my late parents.  I absolutely can relate and sympathize of how my cousins will be feeling for their mom at this one of the hardest times of their lives.

There's Buddha's teaching that everyone will die one day.  Along with that, all other thoughts and insights click my mind altogether once again.  I felt like I suddenly become more religious.  It just brought up most of the stuff which I learnt during the summer Buddhist camp  when I was a fourth grader.  A lot of times, we as human beings enjoy the materialistic things around us.  Wearing the nice clothes and pretty shoes and bags, enjoying the compliments we've got from people around us for how great we look or how great we're doing, dreaming of a big and gorgeous house to own, etc, etc.  The list of items which we care and our wish list, both of which appears to be materialistic are so long and it just goes on and on and on...

But how many times and how many of us do care about helping others around us who are in need?  From the small things like holding a door for a mom with a stroller who is struggling to get through the door by holding it with one hand while trying to push the stroller with another one ?  And do we really care about those who are starving and thinking of sharing what we have with them, in terms of money donation or whatever we could?

A lot of the times, we care ourselves so much that we get ourselves lost in this materialistic jungle and the core values of life such as kindness, being helpful, etc have been overlooked.  Our mind is poisoned unconsciously with Greed (lobha), Hatred/Anger (Dosa) and Delusion (Moha), Pride (Mana) and Jealousy (Irshya).  Those five main different kinds of fire are burning inside us without being aware of ourselves.  Those are the main sources of our unhappiness and uncontentment. 

I used to hold griefs and grudges for people who did bad or treated me bad.  Whenever I happen to think about what they did to me, it makes me really mad again.  It's one of the main aforementioned mind posioners, Dosa (Hatred/Anger), isn't it?  During recent years, I had learnt to let them go.  I come to realize that I could have diverted my energy to use on other beneficial stuff for my life instead of getting it burnt by these kind of unworthy things. 

When "forgiveness" couldn't be the solution, "Let it go" and "Move on" are the two main resolutions I learnt during recent years.  And still my same old favorite quote "If you have a clean soul and get rid of your evil wills then you will get a good fate".  Speaking of "fate", I couldn't deny the fact that there got certain things in life where they are beyond our control for deciding our own fate. 

For instance, someone who is born as a deaf or a blind, they couldn't pick their fate for being a normal person just like others.  However, I'm a firm believer that the fate of most of the things in our life are determined by how we behave or gesture.  Newton's law states that everything has reflection.  Good things will have good reflections and bad things will do the same.

In summary, any of those materialistic things we're holding onto today means nothing when an uninvited guest comes and knocks our doors.  Can we bring anything with us when we're leaving?  Can we bring a beautiful girl or a handsome guy tile when we left?  Can we bring our favorite diamond ring or a Lamborghini with us when we're gone?  Nah!  But I think a clean guilt-free soul is something we can bring everywhere. Our uninvited guest could pop up at any point of time in our life and before he comes  we'd better behave ourselves.  Still the same old saying: "Life is short.  Live...Love...Laugh"  And when and while we live, keep ourselves up with a clean soul and get rid of those evil wills as much as we could.   I've been trying in the past as well but I now will raise the bars of my life even more by trying harder to always stick with this new motto of my life!  Bring it on!

I heart beaches

The weather forecast on my phone starts showing 90F for this week.  It's my first time seeing 90 degree ever since we've got here.  After passing May Grey and June Gloom, summer is right here.

What that means is that those countless gorgeous beaches will be super crowded for such a nice and warm weather.  I heart beaches and it's so incredible to live in a city where beaches are just so close by.  From where I grew up, we always gotta make a special plan and reserve a dedicated time to visit a beach.  Going to a beach was a vacation for us.  All I'm trying to say is that beaches are not close by and it would take hours to get there.  To visit Ngapali beach which is considered to be the best beach in my country took us a little more than a day by the bus.  By air will get one within shorter time frame but it'll cost one more of course.

From where we live now, it'll only take about 10 minute drive to a gorgeous beach. And one doesn't necessarily need to stick a beach when there got so many stunning ones to pick from.  To me, that's the beauty and the core of San Diego.  Beaches are so easily accessible to us and it could be the destination of our daily evening strolls if we want to.  Really, we can have a little vacation every week at those beaches.  I can't ask more.  The only downside is that beating the crowd during weekends when they are so easily accessible to everyone.

A beach offers the countless options.  Walking, jogging, surfing, swimming, Frisbee-ing, beach-volleyball, you name it.  Or gazing people or staring and enjoying it beautiful scenes?  Or trying to spot wildlife such as pelicans, storks, seagulls, sea lions?  I really love gazing at the restless sea and its raging tides.  Pampering my bare feet by dipping them into the warm and soft white sand and enjoying the cool breeze which is kissing my face and the gorgeous scenario and surrounding are just so soothing for me.  The settings and surroundings at the beach always make me forget everything but the current moment I'm enjoying there.  I find it's the best stress reliever for me.  It always makes me refreshed and recharged.  There's nothing like spending time with family at beach.

My kids love beaches too.  Beaches never disappoint them.  Building sand castles, playing with sand, running before waves or chasing them, collecting the shells.  There got plenty of activities which will keep them entertain and busy.

One of these days, I see myself camping at a beach with my family from the sun rise til sun set.  Cooling down ourselves by the beach during a warm day will be a wise thing to do.  And relax, relax and RELAX!  It's all about relaxing.  To kill such a beautiful day, I would add a favorite book or two to my list.  What do you say about the lunch picnic and the afternoon nap by the sea?  I had witnessed the sunset at the beach for a couple of times and they were incredibly awesome.  One time at Pacific beach, it was super awesome to witness the sun setting below the horizon, behind the sea. It happened like within a minute or two and I felt so incredible for catching that remarkable moment.  Oh my! Just thinking about it makes me want to do it right away.

Hey, most of all, beaches are free.  We're literally getting a free vacation.  Scratch those big bucks for expensive hotel rooms or resort fees.  One just needs to bring own self and invest a day.  Cost-efficient and affordable mini-staycations without having to cost one much and leaving your own town.  Plus, one can do it periodically and over and over again. Oh, I heart beaches!

London 2012

Olympics is right here and I'm getting so much addicted to it.  It's so amazing to see those young competitive athletes in all those games.  Most of the athletes are so young and they are only 16 or 17 years old.  Well, it's true for most of the games I've been watching.  Gymnastics Artistic, swimming, diving, and so on. 

At such a young age, they already know what they want to do and who they want to be.  With winning medals(especially Gold) for their representative countries on their shoulders, it's so much amazing to see how a 16 or 17 years old is coping with such a huge stress.  

Some of the games were so competitive that it was so breathtaking to watch them.  Between gold and silver and silver and bronze, it could be as worst as a fraction of a hundred of a second or a point difference. 

There's absolutely no doubt that the road to their championship doesn't come easy.  Years and years of intensive training, hard work, sweat and sacrifices of their personal lives were invested to become the world class.  Most of them started out like when they were 5 or 6 years old.  While other kids were relaxing and enjoying their lives, they might have been pushing their butt hard to become one of the best of the best.

It was kind of shocking to read about the news of famous Chinese synchronized diver, Wu MinXia.  Her family kept her grand parents' death including her mom's suffering of breast cancer from her until after her gold medal.  Their huge success comes with a great tradeoffs too.

There's even no doubt that how Micheal Phelps's mom would feel incredibly proud of her son's phenomenal victories in all those games.  Those athletes and their success stories are so inspiring.  However, I'm not sure I want my kids to pay such a high price for their personal life for such success.  I just don't have the heart to bear to see them doing it.  The injuries they gotta suffer from time to time during their intensive training have not even been factored in yet.  Oh well, there's no such thing as a free lunch, right?  No pain, no gain!!!!

Nonetheless, I really enjoy watching those amazing games just like millions or billions of other viewers.  Part of the reason why this week has been so tough and long was that I was putting all my spare hours on watching them, :P  I just wish that NBC would shift the schedules for the broadcast times of those games a little earlier so that I don't need to stay up until mid night.  Those amazing athletes give their best for each of the game they are competing and I am also giving my best patronizing them.  As much as London's excited to host those vibrant games, I'm excited to watch them as well.  Oh well, my Olympic games fevers!!

Life With Kids

Recently, we watched "Change Up" movie.  It's basically a change up process happened between two good friends: one got a family with kids vs. another being a single guy.  Basically, the single man is envious of a married life with kids and a married man with kids'juties and responsibilities was envious of the freedom of a single man.  After having the change up, they started to experience each other's life.

I can see that where the author is coming from with such base story line.  I bet that thoughts of change up click a lot of parents'mind once in a while.  In this modern society, being parents with a full-time job ain't easy.  I'm one of them so no exception :)

Being a parent put one's life into a totally different perspective.  It makes me discover the other side of me.  At the same time, it makes me learn of how amazing it's to see one's capabilities and tolerance beyond normal boundaries when one is put into the situation.

Barack Obama quoted that being a parent is the toughest job he has ever done.  I couldn't agree more to it.  Being a parent is tough but trying to be a good parent is even tougher.  Entering into a parenthood is chartering one's life into a new chapter.  It's a life-changing event.  From he and me to we, he and me. Yes!  It's WE. There's a third or fourth little addition(s) to the family.  I, myself, my ego, my selfishness became a thing in the past.  It's about promoting of myself into a parent role and stepping down of myself from my personal preferences and priorities.  Our own priorities automatically go to the back seat and they become our priorities literally.

I have to admit that I weren't really prepared initially.  Therefore, my road to parenthood was quite bumpy at the beginning.  It was like learn and cope as I go.  There were lots of adjustments at the beginning.  I had then encountered those contradictions where a mom's natural instincts of sacrifices and love for her own baby collides with those of her little ego and selfishness which became surfaced up every once in a while. Those were so-called challenges I'd to deal with by then.

The process of transforming into a mature good mother from a spoiled little brat by her parents and her husband was quite a bit of a learning process.  However, a mom's natural instincts and love to her own kids has shaped me into a selfless me over time.

Having Hyperemesis Gravidarum during both of my pregnancies had made me started to realize of what it takes to be a mom.  Life has never been the same since then.  Everything becomes not just about myself and I always need to factor in for those little ones of mine.

Sleepless nights were just another beginnings. It ain't really easy for someone like me who got pretty annoyed for being disturbed during the sleep.  I had learnt to sleep when my little ones fell into asleep and to wake up them they were up.  No more sleeping until getting past the lunch time during weekends.  No more instances of staying up all night like before.  Well, no one stops me from it but go suffer it the next day if I dare to do so.  As I need to be up to take care of the girls the next morning so such privilege of doing so got literally and automatically revoked :P

I used to be very particular and sensitive for certain perspectives.  For instance, I would puke up and stopped eating for bringing up any poop or pee during my meal.  But changing my baby's diaper and cleaning her up had made me a whole new me.  Oh and yes, there got countless times I got to do it right in the middle of my meal. And even until now, girls wanted and needed to go to the restroom right during my meal at the restaurant so I gotta keep them company and clean them up as and when necessary.  And I can't even remember how many times that I gotta clean up their messes after throwing up.

Speaking of priorities, they are our number#1 priority for almost every prespective.  An example being, picking a restaurant?  Yeah, we always end up going wherever they wish to eat.  Weekend getaway or family vacation spot?  It leaves us with only very limited options considering for kid-friendly places.  I always used to picture myself cruising around Europe with him but it now becomes a thing in the future.  Yep, someday, one day when kids grow up.  It becomes a thing in far future.  How could we make an enjoyable vacation to there with cranky, grouchy little ones who couldn't really walk for a long time.  And most of all, they wouldn't even enjoy what they're seeing or experiencing anyway so what's the point?

As you can see, being in a motherhood had shaped me a different person: a better, more efficient and disciplined one I guess :P.  And when I want to discipline the girls, I'd better set myself as a good example, right?  And I got gradually separated from most (if not all :P.  But I still procrastinate whenever I get a chance though, LOL :P) of the procrastinations and draggings stuff.  Becoming a multi-tasker is another plus I would say.  It's all about changing my life styles.

Most of my spare time is now devoted for them.  I'm giving up well more than half of time upon them instead of keeping it for myself.  Other than doing house chores, my daily duties now include helping Sophie with her school lessons, homework, piano lesson, etc.  And most of my Saturday is gone by keeping girls company for the classes they want to go such as ice skating, piano, arts, etc.  Recently, Sophie got swim classes so I go to work early so that I could get it off early and bring her to her swim lessons on time.  My daily schedule starts from 6:30am in the mornings til 10:30pm (at least if not later).

I used to feel so tired and not feeling like doing anything once I got home from work.  But now I could stretch my day longer after a long day.  It's so amazing to learn of myself that things which I thought I wouldn't be able to do could be achieved.  It's also not surprising that I now become incredibly more patient person than before.

Parenthood has changed me in so many ways.  It made me explore the other side of me.  On one hand, I discover a whole new me.  On the other hand, it made me understand my parents' love and sacrifices for me even more.  I understand their gratitude, love and sacrifices before.  But after I've put into the situation, it became crystal clear and made me understand deeper.  It's not just that I know it, it becomes that I've been there.

And I have come to realize that I'm going on a different path from my friends who are still singles.  Being singles, it is all about oneself and everything is centered around oneself.  After getting married, it becomes about "two" persons.  Compromises and adjustments to each other's life styles, personalities and habits are starting to get taking place.  Being a parenthood has even further refined one's life greatly.  Technically, transformation of oneself from the self-centered me to a selfless me.  It's a huge deviation from a single's life.

I used to be envious of my single friends' lives.  Guess that I basically mourn the lost freedom of mine by seeing their carefree lives where they could do anything they want without having to take into consideration of anything.  But it didn't last long and I felt guilty for my selfishness as a parent on the other hand.  My parents did all those for me before and it's now my turn.  I feel so embarrassed just to think of those of my selfishness. 

I'm bringing up the lives of two little persons which are my own blood.  It's no doubt a lot of work and involve countless sacrifices.  As a full-time working mom, I'm very tired and exhausted most of dthe time at the end of the day.  Keeping up with those energetic little ones is not easy indeed.  But guess what?  First of all, I love them so much.  Second of all, those cute sweet little girls naturally master the skills to make me pleased.  I am blown away by their loving kisses and hugs, sweet words and cute gestures.  Michelle often comes to him or me and tell us like "Mama/Papa, you're my favorite!" and starts kissing all over my face. Sophie will bring me a glass of water or climb on me with  her worries and concerns when I get sick. 

A lot of the times, they make me laugh and they are capable of making my tiredness and unhappiness evaporated in no time.  With them, I never feel lonely.  Every night when I put them asleep and when they grab my hands from each side and fall into asleep, I feel so blessed and loved.  Staring at those two little innocent faces make me forget everything (including the tiredness) but love.

Now, I'm not even used to with my life without having them around.  When I'm away from them, I feel so empty and just could not get used to with unusual quietness.  I miss those noises.  They drive me nuts from time to time.  They make me exhausted always.  But happiness and ecstasy they give us well surpass them.  I guess that's what it takes to have the good spices of life and that's what makes our life so colorful.  My life has drastically changed ever since I got them.   It's so rewarding at the end of the day though.  Simply put, no matter what it's just so worth it.  Life with kids, it's so priceless!

Happy Mother's Day

~ For the hand that rocks the cradle
  Is the hand that rules the world ~

This is what I often recited as a young kid. 

When Sophie and Michelle each presented me with an invitation from their preschool for Mother's Day celebration by saying "Mommy, you need to be there, okay?", there was absolutely nothing which stopped me from saying no of course.  How could I resist those two little sweet faces with big expectations and eagerness on them?

It's such a cute tradition of their preschool which holds Mother's Day tea party every year.  It was Sophie's third time celebration with me but was the first time for Michelle. 

I was grateful that my boss had no objection for leaving early to make there at 3:30pm.  Almost all moms came and it was such a nice and enjoyable moments to spend time with own kids and also to mingle with other moms and kids pairs. 

Sophie told me that it was "mommy and me" which she drew on her card

Both of Sophie and Michelle were so excited to share with me for the arts and crafts work they had done for me.  They each had a card for me and they were simply just so lovely. 

And on Mother's Day morning which fell on last Sunday, Sophie rushed to me in the morning as soon as she woke up.  She wished "Happy Mother's Day!" to me along with the kisses and hugs.  Michelle usually is a copycat of her big sister and she did the same.  Oh, my!  How sweet and ecstatic moment of my life! 

All I know is that love and happiness is in the air.  And it had made me forgotten everything: from the unusual heavy and serious morning sickness (in fact, it was the whole day sickness for me and I could not consume anything including water during the first few months of my pregnancy) to the labor pain during the moment while they were struggling to appear first time into this world along with countless sleepless nights and sacrifices for them.  They all mean nothing to me. 

I love being mom and it makes me feel like everything I've done for them is so worth it.  It's such a rewarding experience to be a mom.

My whole heart is filled with love yet one half is filled with joy and the other half is with sadness when I think about my late mom with whom I would never get a chance to celebrate Mother's Day again.

Thank you so much for all your love, patience, time, sacrifices and every single thing which you had done for me, Mama.  Without you, there is no me.  This might be my Nth time of saying this to you but I mean it with all my heart. 

Happy Mother's Day to you, Mama and every single mom in the world who indeed are the biggest and one of the noblest heroes of all!

Live like we're dying

'What is the human being's funniest characteristic?'

We are in such a hurry to grow up, and then we long for our lost childhood.
We make ourselves ill earning money, and then spend all our money on getting well again.
We think so much about the future that we neglect the present, and thus experience neither the present nor the future.
We live as if we were never going to die, and die as if we had never lived.'

By Paulo Coehlo

As soon as I've come across this quote, it falls right into my favorite list instantly.  That exactly reflects us as human beings.  So well said and it's never more true than it is.

Almost every day, our lives are so busy like a bee and we're rushing and it's which makes us ignore to enjoy what we have. We worry too much and the stresses we got make us feel unhappy.  The more I read those lines, the more they make sense to me.  In addition, its underlying meanings are in align with Buddha's teaching as well.

How many of us got time to enjoy the natural beauty surrounding us?  Those wild colorful flowers, spectular canyon view, beautiful blue sky on fine days, pleasnt bird chirping, etc.


The swing set up in our patio is perfect to kill a part of my available time, probably with a cup of tea and a book.  But the truth is that I just happen to sit briefly on it during last night after all these months passed by.

And I used to bring stresses or unhappiness at work to home.  Then I learnt that what's the point?  Left those unhealthy situations at work behind you once one has gotten out of it.  And don't let it spoil the time with your family. I know, I know. It's easier to say than get it done practically.  For sure, there gonna be some pebble effects of it but don't make it a big impact on your personal life.  What I've learnt about another upside of doing so?  Not being confused and stressed will get me resolved it better the next day.

To me, what this quote is teaching is that:
1) about the appreciation of what we currently have and feel it everyday
2) experience and enjoy what is right before you, worry less and reduce stress and live the life to the fullest

I'm sure that everyone could turn it into their own interpretations and those simply are just mine.  Bottom line to me is that live like we're dying or live like there's no tomorrow.  In other words, if one is dying, he or she will try to appreciate and enjoy every single thing he is getting. Don't you think?

Everything all makes sense.  But the most difficult thing is to practise them.  It's always easier to have it said than to have it done or practised.  How many things in our lives which make absolutely sense?  But a lot of times, what do we do?  Our perception and application might not necessarily fall into the same bucket.  How many of us know our bad habits but can't live without them?  :P

I think that taking the first step is always most difficult.  After taking a first initiative, following subsequently doesn't seem to be that difficult.  We just need to embrace the first step.  Those lines really hit me.  BOOM and my revelation followed.  I'm on.  Are you with me as well?

Save energy within ourselves

Each of us is naturally supplied with a certain amount of energy everyday. The amount of energy we got declines as we grow older though. I used to hear it from my mom who always mourned me of missing her youth days where she was much more energetic and her throughput were at peak. And my aunts, uncles and other elderly also repeat me almost the same thing. It'll take me a while to absolutely get and experience what they meant.

But for sure, I know that I sometimes could not keep up with my little ones at home. How envious I'm of their energies!!!! Most of the times, they always seem to be at a full charge. They could be hype-rs for the whole day which sometimes make me wonder where they got all those energies. I'm really amazed by that.

After getting off from a full time job, keeping up with my energetic little ones sometimes could be tough.

 I've learnt how to use my energy efficiently and sparingly over time. Here are a few of my energy saving tips:

 1) Eat and sleep well. Well, I guess that it's even pointless to mention it here. Who doesn't know it? :P But it's one of the essential and fundamental facts we could not overlook so I'll just go ahead and mention it here anyway. But the truth is that we don't stick on our schedule or regular sleep hour sometimes. At least, it's true for me. A lot of fun activities around us are keeping us to hit bed on time. Surfing net? watching our favorite TV series or movie? Or perhaps some night fun activities? You name it. I bet a lot of us stay up late every once in a while for one reason to another. Then, we will only suffer the next day at work. But guess what? Those sufferings are easily overlooked and we tend to repeat it again. Didn't we? :P

2) I usually try to tackle the most difficult or critical issues at work when I'm most energetic. Mornings work best for me. The same holds true for the activities at home as well. Again, this ain't really anything new, huh? :P But let me share this with you. I used to do checking my emails, responding to family and friends, facebooking, etc as the first things in the morning. Then, I switched to working on whatever I'm supposed to do and get done as the first things in the morning and the result are much improved and my throughput is much higher too.

3) Don't get small things get in my way. I try not to waste my energies on them. I think this really is a good one though. A lot of times, when we get mad to something or someone, it uses up lots of our energies. I've learnt that practicing the anger control or management will save my energies tremendously. More importantly, I don't usually let some little things or frustrations bother me.

One of my coworkers at work is really sensitive. Everyday she comes and complains me for any small little things and she got upset, frustrated, stressed or even mad at times. I realize she could have used her energies more efficiently by ignoring those and focusing on the work done or issues fixed and make the customers happy.

And when I'm exhausted, I always tend to get frustrated and mad. When I think about it, it was just making me to use up the last bits of my energies and more tired and exhausted. But guess what? Most of us know what our bad habits are but just that we couldn't get away ourselves that easily from them.

And also, here is another important and useful tip which I had learnt from my hubby: whenever there got some issues no matter how critical or how minor they are, he never tried to pinpoint, get mad or blame who, why, what, etc. Instead, he looked calm and was always ready with how quickly to fix or address them. He did really make me admire him for that perspective of using our energies in the constructive ways. Nobody's energies are wasted: being mad (by blamer) and being sad or frustrated (by getting blamed). Instead they were diverted to work on the fixes as quickly as possible. I absolutely think this really makes sense.

 4) Try to set a limit or timeout on any of my leisure activities. If I don't limit myself, it'll just keep going on and on and on. For instance, when I play a game, I usually told myself that I would stop after this game. But the truth is I kept myself going one after another. With so much eager to get a better score, I excused myself one time after another and just kept going. Yeah, you got me right there! What I got in return of it was that tiredness or exhaustiveness. And most of the times, it always make me feel regretted for not using my tiny little spare time more efficiently instead of wasting time on such activities. Oh well... :P

5) Meditation!  I haven't done it for quite a while but I know that it helps.   It usually makes me calm and gets me a better concentration or focus.  It's like an energy replenisher to me :)

These are small little things and everyone knows about them. But most of us really love ourselves and hate restraining ourselves from something. Keeping up with them requires us to do some restrictions to ourselves and that's where the problem lies. Guess that those are the roots of our bad habits are.

As a full-time working mom, I gotta keep up with my schedule. So, those really help me to make my energies go extra miles even though each of the pointer doesn't seem like a big deal to be mentioned here. Save those precious energies and use them positively and efficiently. And the result doesn't disappoint me. So save energy, stay green and happy everyone! :D

 

"Energy, not time, is our most precious resource" (Loehr and Schwartz) 

“Enthusiasm finds the opportunities and energy makes the most of them” (Henry S. Haskins)  

Home Away From Home

Ten years ago today, there was a girl who left her mother land in the hope of fulfilling her life dreams when the military government in her mother land had blocked every possible opportunities of all youths there to pursue their lives as per their dreams.  It's hard to believe but she had never been exposed to the internet in practice as a computer science university student.  The political and practical situations in her country had left her no choice but left to abroad. 

It was her first time ever staying apart from her family in her whole life.  It was an exciting moments for her as she would be able to pursue her dreams as she wished but she wasn't happy at all.  Why? Her parents would be badly missed.  And she didn't want to leave her home if possible.  She really got overwhelmed with anxiety, nervousness, fear and feeling of uncertainty.  On that night of leaving abroad, she couldn't sleep at all.  She tossed and turned and her pillow was almost soaked with tears.  She finally went to her parents' bed and found out that her mom was also crying there all along as well.  She snuggled into her mom's bosom and they both passed the night just like that. 

On her way to the place where she would be staying in Singapore from Changi airport, she first experienced the city.  She heard that Singapore was such a nice, clean and beautiful city. However, the city before her current eyes didn't seem anything special.  Apparently, she still got overwhelmed by her homesickness and other feelings. Home is where her heart was.  No matter what, her home appeared as the most desirable place on earth for her.

That little dark quiet corner of the staircase at the university where she was pursuing her degree was her hideout place to let her homesick tears out silently without letting others knew.  

The first time she tasted KFC in Singapore, how badly she had wished that her parents could taste those delicious fried chicken as well.  The fried chicken was one of her parents' favorites. They used to go to Tokyo fried chicken back home.  She thought that the fried chicken from KFC was the most delicious fried chicken so far she tasted in her life and she wanted her parents to have them as well.  How badly she wished that whatever good stuff she experienced, she wanted her parents to experience them as well.  She made a bow to herself that she would definitely make that happen to her parents one day. 

Time passed and she graduated.  There got an economy crisis back then and a lot of her friends could not land a job.  However, she was lucky and got a job offer right before her graduation.   She was so happy and was able to sponsor her Dad to visit her before she had started working.   She even thought that God was helping her so that her dream of taking care of her parents could come true.

Alongside, she met her soul mate and they fell in love.  For the first time in her life, she fell in love truly, deeply and madly.   Her mom wanted them to get married sooner as she wanted someone to take care of her daughter while she couldn't be at her side all along.  Then, her big day had come!

When her mom and dad actually came over to attend her wedding, her full excitements for being able to meet them again was blown away.  Her mom whom she was seeing before her eyes appeared much different: much skinnier, more wrinkles and looked so depressed and older.  She was so overwhelmed with different thoughts.  What happened?  It was a few months ago she saw her as both of her parents visited her. And her mom looked so much different now.  That night, she cried helplessly at the dark corner of the bath tub while her mom fell asleep.   She felt so powerless and helpless.

Her husband was so supportive as well and they decided to give the treatment to her mom in Singapore.   Again, she felt so lucky to have him as things could turn out differently if he wasn’t supportive to her.  It was the longest time she had her parents with her.  She did really enjoy and appreciate those days.   Some of the days with her mom turned out to be rocky as she got a big depression during her treatment. 

At the same time, it was a big cope for her parents as well.  Cultural differences, language barriers, changing different lifestyles and lack of social activities with family and friends back home, they weren't happy at all abroad.  Most of the time, they felt like going back home.   It had made her started to realize that her plan of keeping them with her abroad might be an issue down the road.  But she wanted to insist her idea and thought that she might be able to find a way to keep them happy.

Life gave her another unexpected twist.  He got a job offer from US so they had to migrate there.  Pursuing American Dream was what she wanted all along but when it actually came, her parents were holding her back.  She would never forget those of her parents' looks.  It was on the train in Singapore.  Here were her dad's words: "Daughter, you gotta do what you gotta do.  Just pursue the opportunities available to you for the best interest of you and your family.  We'll be happy as long as you have a good life.  We don't want to hold you back and don't let it be the reason!"  Even though they tried to smile, she could sense those tears gathered in their eyes.  Those words really hit her heart so badly.  Endless sacrifices and loves of parents! 

She was expecting their first child with her husband.  She got hyperemesis gravidarum and he couldn't leave her behind.  Little did she know that it was her last time seeing her parents while sending them off at Changi airport.  She will always remember that look of her mom for the rest of her life.  Before setting a foot toward immigration, her mom turned her neck with teary eyes.  That heavily emotional and touchy look broke her heart.  Again, she silently sworn to herself that she would let them out of the country and explore a better life in US.

Sometimes, life could be cruel and she got a huge blow from the unexpected corner.   All of sudden she learnt that her mom got hospitalized.  Things happened so quickly and she lost her mom just like that.  She didn’t even get a chance to go back to be by her mom’s side for one last time. 

What was even more tragic was that she lost her dad again exactly two and a half months later of her mom’s passing.   Her mom and dad attached to each other so much and he felt so left out and broke down when she was gone.  She was still in the midst of preparing the paperwork for him to come over.   Just then he was gone again.  

Those were the darkest days of her life.  She hated herself so much.  They loved and sacrificed for her all their lives but there was very little or nothing she could return.  Being so ambitious for taking care of her parents by giving them a good life for the rest of their lives were sounded like building it by sand.  Her dreams for them were just like a sand castle where everything collapsed and was gone by the wind when it blew.  All broken into invisible pieces and scattered all over the place. 

When she doesn't know whom to be blamed, she just hates herself so much.  Should she blame for the fact that she had to come abroad?  Should she blame US embassy for rejecting her parents' visa which made her not to even see again after coming to the States?  Or shouldn't she blame to the ruthless military junta of her country who forced her to come out of the country?

Her life had been on the roller coaster for the past decades: lots of ups and downs, twists and turns, excitements and thrills at one point but horrors and freights at another.  She had been through the darkest days of her life but got the brightest ones as well along the way.  She lost two most important and precious persons of her life but she gained three back. It had been quite a journey! Overall, life is good but it could have been better with her parents around. Her ten-year diary is full of bittersweet memories. Home.....Away.....From.....home!

 

 

Happy July 4th!!

Getting to a new place is all about explorations of it to me.  I decided to be at DelMar Fairgrounds for this year's July 4th.  During the past few years, there always got BBQ party at my cousin's place.  July 4th was all about food, fun and fireworks, yeah?

Why fairgrounds while there got a couple of other places in San Diego for fireworks?  Well, it was the last day of Fairgrounds.  And it's close to where I live, plus I managed to get unlimited admission tickets to it so why not? :P

Needless to say, it was overcrowded.  It was our second time there so we skipped the fun rides for the kids this time.  Of course, the girls weren't so happy about it.  Especially Sophie who was so bold and took lots of thrill rides during last visit.  She wanted more.

Raging waves: one of the crazy rides Sophie enjoyed.  It was crazily fast while making rounds and rounds.  I got dizzy even just watching them

From Michael Jackson's Neverland's swinger.  It was crazily high and swinging around but Sophie loved it

Poor unhappy Michelle who didn't meet the minimum height requirements and couldn't take any ride

I'm glad that we took a shuttle bus to there. It not only saves big bucks for parking but also saves time.  Just sit back and relax the ride without having to worry anything about the traffic.  And girls really enjoyed it since they didn't have to sit in the car seats :P

If you are adventurous and want to check out some fascinating food which you couldn't easily get outside, this is the place to go.  Deep fried snickers, chocolate covered bacon, Butter Beer, Deep fried Cereal, Deep Fried Avocado, Deep Fried PB& J, Turkey legs, and so on.  Even those food available outside were presented very unusual way.  One foot long corn dog, nearly a foot high funnel cakes, etc.  Either it would be a combination you've never thought of or a bizarre presentation you wouldn't commonly see outside.  I checked a turkey leg out and it was awesome.  Girls loved it too.  We chowed down but he didn't as he didn't particularly like the smoked flavor of it.

Turkey Leg.  Huge, huh?

A lot of people were swaying with the music from the free live concert.  We managed to get a seat on the 3rd floor.  I loved "Hotel California" out of all songs they did. 9 o' clock was the time for the fireworks display.  Girls were so excited.  But Michelle got a bit scared later on due to the loud noises triggered by the fireworks.  Watching fireworks has never been boring to me.  What's more this time was that there got all different shapes displays from the fireworks: happy faces, fishes, stars, even the Saturn.   Woah!  Amazing!  

 
Happy Birthday America!!

A Virtual Part of Me

It's not really surprising to learn that how smartphones are changing the world and our lives.  When I was on the train, I noticed that 90% of people around me were using smartphones.  About 70% of it were iPhones.  I was on the train to San Francisco for a couple of times.  Every time I might see different faces but the fact that the majority of people were using smartphones always held true. It's even hard to spot people who are using non-smart phones now-a-day.  It's not even surprising to me anymore that a lot of elderly people are using smart phones, especially iPhone due to its intuitive functions and usage I guess.  Who says old people are resist to change?  Smart phones are proving them to be wrong? :P

Speaking of my experiences, a smart phone has drastically changed my life.  It's like my virtual secretary.  Or an electronic Personal Data Assistant (PDA)?  With it, internet is just at the tip of my fingers.  Get lost and need directions?  Google Maps and other GPS applications are right there to help me anytime.  Checking weather and stocks are so handy.  Oh yeah, time and world clock!  I don't even remember that I haven't worn my watches for how many years.  And if I want to talk with my uncle in Burma, all I need is to check the world clock to make sure that I'm making a call him at the appropriate time. 

Utilities such as calculator, torchlight, to-do-list are all in there as well.  Not sure how long but I don't bother to remember all my appointments anymore.  Literally I don't know any of them on top of my head.  Reasons?  They all are marked and sitting in phone's calendar.  When it's getting closer, the reminders I set gonna reminds me for every single schedule or appointment.  So why worries? 

Needs entertainment? No more carrying of a separate mp3 anymore.  iPod is just sitting in right there.  As a matter of fact, my 32GB iPod is just sitting itself on the charging center most of the time.  As my phone has an integrated iPod so why bother carrying two separate items?  What's even cooler is when my phone iPod gets connected to Bluetooth of our car, we can enjoy our favorite music at the quality of the car's amplifier speaker.  Poor DVDs or CDs are just sitting at the corner and hardly ever got picked them up these days.  Sorry! :(

Want radio?  Breaking and top headlines news?  Gossips?  Netflix?  You name it.  Oh wait!  Can't forget about games.  People of all ages can't get away from it.  Even my girls love to play some educational games.  And they prefer to watch kid video clips on iPad over Nickelodeon Jr on TV for some reasons.  iPad is the hottest gadget at home now.  Once we get home, everyone wants to use it.  Even the laptops are not much in favor now for daily surfing of the internet. 

And yes, camera and video?  In case I forgot to grab my camera on the go, it didn't even bother me anymore. When one can take high definition pictures and video clips easily via the phone, no more complaints anymore of course. 

No more paper newspaper or magazines.  And not even hard copy books.  Thanks to the electronic versions which could easily be carried in your phone without any extra weight and space . 

And it doesn't even stop there.  All the deals and coupons are so handy.  A lot of times, my friends asked me how I managed to find good deals as a busy working mom?  No secret of course.  It's so convenient that those deal sites like Groupons could easily be browsed at my fingertip during those tiny little spare times I could get :P  What's even cooler is that no more pouts or regrets for not printing any coupon out of one's forgetfulness.  Forgot?  No problem!  Just show the coupon bar code in your phone and they could scan it from there.  What's a fascinating technology era!!

And I must add about this personal trainer software as well.  It tells me how many calories I broke during my exercise.  It'll advise me whether I'm doing good or on track, etc.  Literally, without setting a foot in the gym, one can stay fit and healthy economically of course.  It saves me $$$ from they gym membership or the actual personal trainer :P

Possibilities are just endless.  My phone is the electronic versioned of my small little all-in-one.  It's so much amazing that it's drastically changing my lifestyles.  Without even knowing myself, it's becoming a part of me.  I feel so naked without it.  When I'm in one of those rare areas where the reception is poor or no coverage, I feel so strained and screwed.  I feel like I'm a living disabled person who got disconnected from the world.   

I could not even imagine how gadgets would gonna evolve ten years from now.  Now, they had already shaped our daily lifestyles.  And with more and more advanced technology, it will change and aid our daily activities even more.  I feel that they will be more influential to our lives and would become one of the integral parts of our lives for which they already did even now.  The only bummer might be the "cost".  Hopefully it'll gradually drop and make them much more affordable for everyone.  I often wonder to have a little robot as my house maid which will be sharing the workload of my house chores.  Let the innovation evolve and keep them rocking and rolling!!