Well, this is not a total shock for me since I’ve more or less expected that it might be the case for us. It’s just that I wasn’t expecting that it will come to us so soon. It’s all about timing. That’s what I’m talking about.
Okay, it’s really debatable that it’s not really true as I
know that it’ll be coming our way ever since he has started hunting for new
jobs. Perhaps it might be more accurate
to say that I’m not yet ready to take this shot. YES! I
haven’t prepared myself to go through it.
And the thing which is holding me back is my resistance of change.
People said that old people tend to resist of change. That means that it’s the sign of maturity for
me? LOL :P
Alright, aside from kidding, I of course have my own valid
reasons for my resistance of change.
First of all, I do really love my job.
My boss is really cool and I feel so happy and comfortable working
here. Secondly, the compelling reason
which is as important as the first point is that my home-sweet-home. We got our brand new house less than 3 years
ago. It’s where my heart is and I
always feel so proud to declare it’s our place.
And I’ve constantly put my effort and heart for decorations of it to
enhance its look. Needless to say, how I
cherish it and maintain it so well.
Thirdly, Sophie and Michelle just started their new
schools. They were previously in the
same preschools in Davis where he works.
But we had decided that it would be much better and easier to send them to
schools in Sacramento. When he’s not
available, it’s always a pain for me to make a big route to get the girls all
the way up to Davis. In addition, Sophie
was going to the kindergarten. And we
put so much effort and time to find the best possible school for her. Similarly, it was so lucky to get a spot right
away for Michelle at a hot and popular preschool which is very close to where I
work, provided that they always have a long waiting list.
So, they had just started there for like less than 2
months. It was so much of coping for
Michelle to adjust the new school, teachers, friends and the environment
initially. At the beginning, I could not
even really concentrate on my work properly as she cried so hard whenever I
left. She is now doing much better and
become gets used to and comfortable with the new school. It was not an easy process for this school
thing of my girls. But now that they
both are getting comfortable and happy with it but we’re leaving there and
starting another cycle of going through it again. Oh no!
This really drives me nuts!
In addition, the accommodation issue became a big headache
for us. Basically, we need to rent a
place to stay there at the beginning as we need to get familiarized the area
and environment and to get idea of what and where is a good place to buy. Of course, we need to save more money to be
able to buy another house as well.
Consequently, it brings me to the next point of what we
gonna do with our current house? As the
real estate market is going downhill, it’s not even an option for us to sell
it. Just like a bunch of other people,
we put 20% down payment and there’s no doubt that we had already lost it. Basically, our house price dropped that much
with the current trend of real estate. I know, I know. Sigh!!! :(
With that said, there’s no other way other than renting it
out to someone else. Leaving behind my
house alone makes my heart sink already.
Now that we need to let someone stay in there and it’s really such a
heartbreaking thing for me. I keep
hearing from people around me saying that how some bad tenants could destroy
your house and make it very dirty and old.
That devastated me even more.
Our situation is like letting someone stay in our nice home-sweet-home
and we ourselves rent an apartment which for sure won’t be as good as our
house. Oh, God! My
heart really aches. Even Sophie told and
begged us that she didn’t want to move out of our house. She added that she didin’t want to stay in an
apartment. Perhaps she had been to an
apartment of her friend during her play date when she was in her preschool and
she got such impression. When she told
us that she didn’t want to give up playing in our backyard and asked us that
who gonna take care of our garden, fruit trees, vegetables, flowers and plants,
it made me saddened even more. Even a
five-year old girl is so much attached to our home-sweet-home already. Why not me, right?
Oh and by the way, we’ve just signed the lease contract of
an apartment for our new place just this week.
It’s just almost half of the size of our place. My head keeps spinning whenever I think of where
and how to put all of our stuff in that little apartment. Well, I should not say that it’s a little
apartment for a 1000 sq ft size but it’s just that I have so many stuff. I thought that we’ve pretty much settled down
already and kept buying lots of things and now it’s giving me a headache for
storage issue. Call me whatever you want
but I’m such a shoe addict and there got more than 50 pairs of shoes for
me. That alone gives me a headache
already. It makes me recall of this guy
who was courting me back then and he said that he liked me a lot but just that
he was afraid that he could not afford my shoes. Perhaps he made the right choice, LOL :P
And what overwhelmed me even more is that what if we could
not rent it out? Then, we keep paying
our mortgage and paying the rent of our new apartment at the same time. It’s like we’re playing doubled for our accommodation
and for sure that our pocket will suffer a lot. It's like I'll keep swallowing the worries if we can't rent it out and my heart will sink to see someone lives there if we do. The bottomline is that I'll suffer from it no matter what.
And my another big concern is about my commute. I’m so grateful and feel lucky that my boss
allows me to work from home most of the days.
But still I need to commute a couple of days to work every week. It’ll take about almost 2 hours for one way
without much traffic. I dare not even
think about how long it gonna take with the traffic. It’s not that I haven’t commuted such a long distance
before. I’ve done with it before everyday
which was about half an hour less than this.
When I think of those days now, I am now so impressed of myself that how
I managed to do it everyday back then. But
I feel like I’m done with the long commute.
And it was just a couple of weeks before he got the job offer, I was
talking to one of my coworkers here that I would not be able to do it again,
provided that my commute to work from home
is less than 10 minutes. Well,
that’s why people say that not to say anything for sure unless one knows it for
sure that what’ll be coming up next.
Alright, welcome me back and I’m back to the business now :P
Oh boy! There’re so
many things to cope with and too many aspects to think of in regards to the relocation. Our apartment hunting was quite adventurous
since our top priority was to be able to get a place where Sophie could go to
one of the best elementary schools in the area.
When we like the house a lot, the school assigned to it is not
good. When we like the elementary school
assigned to it is good, the house is so lousy yet expensive, etc. It was just so difficult to pick a perfect
combination.
Now that we’ve already confirmed the place to stay and I’m
dealing with another drama which is packing of our stuff. Over these years, one of the things on my
list which I hate to do is packing, unpacking and of course the moving. In Singapore, we didn’t own a place and we
kept moving from place to place in the search of a better place to stay. Perhaps those had made me tired of dealing
with moving from place to place.
Back then, it was only me at the beginning but it became two
of us eventually while moving. But now,
it’s four of us and I feel so much stressful about our move for the first
time. I sometimes blame him so hard silently
in my mind for his new job. I perceive
that it’s a real culprit. I complained
that we were to stay here, with our combined income we would be able to buy my
dream huge house in the area. One of my
ex-coworkers with her husband got a huge house which is so-called “a castle” by
us. They had a very similar background
and jobs like us and I’m sure that we would be able to afford the similar house
down the road if we are to stay here a bit longer. The houses over here are much cheaper
compared to those in the Bay Area of course.
Just like that I blamed him silently or complained or
accused him openly for all the stresses and headaches I got for these
relocation nightmares. But after I’ve
calmed down, I analyzed it and think about these myself and I certainly know
that he’s innocent. And I even feel like
I should be happy and cheerful for him for getting a good job in the Bay Area
during this economy. There are tons of
people who want to move into the San Francisco Bay Area but do not have a
chance. For us, an opportunity is right
before us and I’m so much hesitating to take it. Perhaps the problem lies in me?
And the girls deserve all the good opportunities and the
better education what the Big City has to offer. Plus, there’ll be much more job opportunities
for me there since we’ll be staying right around the Silicon Valley. I feel like I’m so pessimistic instead of
being optimistic about the move. I kept thinking
about all the downsides but I didn’t try to flip the coin to see the brighter
side of it. And I’m treating myself so
poor by living on those miseries.
My problem was that I realize both ups and downs of this
relocation but I’ve decided to move on with this new exciting upcoming opportunity
by now and will be flipped myself back into the dark side by then whenever I face
the stresses. I was so grouchy, grumpy
and cranky during these past few days and I could even barley recognize
myself. Just like he said, where did my
aggressive wife go?
Having said all these, I now have pretty much aired out all
the things I’ve been holding onto myself and I feel like it’s such a big
relief. This time, I’ve made up my mind
for real that I will not live in my agony for no good reason. I’m moving on! I’ll do whatever it takes to make the move
seamless since I’ve already decided.
Whatever we gotta do, we gotta do.
I’m just looking forward to all the positive things what this relocation
will bring for us. I’m bringing the
aggressive me back. Keep it up! Fighting! Fighting!!!!
