Relocation Nightmares

Well, this is not a total shock for me since I’ve more or less expected that it might be the case for us.  It’s just that I wasn’t expecting that it will come to us so soon.  It’s all about timing.  That’s what I’m talking about. 

Okay, it’s really debatable that it’s not really true as I know that it’ll be coming our way ever since he has started hunting for new jobs.  Perhaps it might be more accurate to say that I’m not yet ready to take this shot.  YES!  I haven’t prepared myself to go through it.  And the thing which is holding me back is my resistance of change.

People said that old people tend to resist of change.  That means that it’s the sign of maturity for me? LOL :P 

Alright, aside from kidding, I of course have my own valid reasons for my resistance of change.  First of all, I do really love my job.  My boss is really cool and I feel so happy and comfortable working here.  Secondly, the compelling reason which is as important as the first point is that my home-sweet-home.  We got our brand new house less than 3 years ago.   It’s where my heart is and I always feel so proud to declare it’s our place.  And I’ve constantly put my effort and heart for decorations of it to enhance its look.  Needless to say, how I cherish it and maintain it so well. 

Thirdly, Sophie and Michelle just started their new schools.  They were previously in the same preschools in Davis where he works.  But we had decided that it would be much better and easier to send them to schools in Sacramento.  When he’s not available, it’s always a pain for me to make a big route to get the girls all the way up to Davis.  In addition, Sophie was going to the kindergarten.  And we put so much effort and time to find the best possible school for her.   Similarly, it was so lucky to get a spot right away for Michelle at a hot and popular preschool which is very close to where I work, provided that they always have a long waiting list. 

So, they had just started there for like less than 2 months.  It was so much of coping for Michelle to adjust the new school, teachers, friends and the environment initially.  At the beginning, I could not even really concentrate on my work properly as she cried so hard whenever I left.  She is now doing much better and become gets used to and comfortable with the new school.  It was not an easy process for this school thing of my girls.  But now that they both are getting comfortable and happy with it but we’re leaving there and starting another cycle of going through it again.  Oh no!  This really drives me nuts!

In addition, the accommodation issue became a big headache for us.  Basically, we need to rent a place to stay there at the beginning as we need to get familiarized the area and environment and to get idea of what and where is a good place to buy.  Of course, we need to save more money to be able to buy another house as well.

Consequently, it brings me to the next point of what we gonna do with our current house?  As the real estate market is going downhill, it’s not even an option for us to sell it.  Just like a bunch of other people, we put 20% down payment and there’s no doubt that we had already lost it.  Basically, our house price dropped that much with the current trend of real estate. I know, I know.  Sigh!!! :(

  

With that said, there’s no other way other than renting it out to someone else.  Leaving behind my house alone makes my heart sink already.  Now that we need to let someone stay in there and it’s really such a heartbreaking thing for me.  I keep hearing from people around me saying that how some bad tenants could destroy your house and make it very dirty and old.  That devastated me even more. 

Our situation is like letting someone stay in our nice home-sweet-home and we ourselves rent an apartment which for sure won’t be as good as our house.  Oh, God!   My heart really aches.  Even Sophie told and begged us that she didn’t want to move out of our house.  She added that she didin’t want to stay in an apartment.  Perhaps she had been to an apartment of her friend during her play date when she was in her preschool and she got such impression.   When she told us that she didn’t want to give up playing in our backyard and asked us that who gonna take care of our garden, fruit trees, vegetables, flowers and plants, it made me saddened even more.  Even a five-year old girl is so much attached to our home-sweet-home already.  Why not me, right?

Oh and by the way, we’ve just signed the lease contract of an apartment for our new place just this week.  It’s just almost half of the size of our place.  My head keeps spinning whenever I think of where and how to put all of our stuff in that little apartment.  Well, I should not say that it’s a little apartment for a 1000 sq ft size but it’s just that I have so many stuff.  I thought that we’ve pretty much settled down already and kept buying lots of things and now it’s giving me a headache for storage issue.  Call me whatever you want but I’m such a shoe addict and there got more than 50 pairs of shoes for me.  That alone gives me a headache already.  It makes me recall of this guy who was courting me back then and he said that he liked me a lot but just that he was afraid that he could not afford my shoes.  Perhaps he made the right choice, LOL :P

And what overwhelmed me even more is that what if we could not rent it out?  Then, we keep paying our mortgage and paying the rent of our new apartment at the same time.  It’s like we’re playing doubled for our accommodation and for sure that our pocket will suffer a lot. It's like I'll keep swallowing the worries if we can't rent it out and my heart will sink to see someone lives there if we do.  The bottomline is that I'll suffer from it no matter what.

And my another big concern is about my commute.  I’m so grateful and feel lucky that my boss allows me to work from home most of the days.  But still I need to commute a couple of days to work every week.  It’ll take about almost 2 hours for one way without much traffic.  I dare not even think about how long it gonna take with the traffic.  It’s not that I haven’t commuted such a long distance before.  I’ve done with it before everyday which was about half an hour less than this.  When I think of those days now, I am now so impressed of myself that how I managed to do it everyday back then.  But I feel like I’m done with the long commute.  And it was just a couple of weeks before he got the job offer, I was talking to one of my coworkers here that I would not be able to do it again, provided that my commute to work from home  is less than 10 minutes.  Well, that’s why people say that not to say anything for sure unless one knows it for sure that what’ll be coming up next.  Alright, welcome me back and I’m back to the business now :P

Oh boy!  There’re so many things to cope with and too many aspects to think of in regards to the relocation.  Our apartment hunting was quite adventurous since our top priority was to be able to get a place where Sophie could go to one of the best elementary schools in the area.  When we like the house a lot, the school assigned to it is not good.  When we like the elementary school assigned to it is good, the house is so lousy yet expensive, etc.  It was just so difficult to pick a perfect combination. 

Now that we’ve already confirmed the place to stay and I’m dealing with another drama which is packing of our stuff.  Over these years, one of the things on my list which I hate to do is packing, unpacking and of course the moving.  In Singapore, we didn’t own a place and we kept moving from place to place in the search of a better place to stay.  Perhaps those had made me tired of dealing with moving from place to place. 

Back then, it was only me at the beginning but it became two of us eventually while moving.  But now, it’s four of us and I feel so much stressful about our move for the first time.  I sometimes blame him so hard silently in my mind for his new job.  I perceive that it’s a real culprit.  I complained that we were to stay here, with our combined income we would be able to buy my dream huge house in the area.  One of my ex-coworkers with her husband got a huge house which is so-called “a castle” by us.  They had a very similar background and jobs like us and I’m sure that we would be able to afford the similar house down the road if we are to stay here a bit longer.  The houses over here are much cheaper compared to those in the Bay Area of course. 

Just like that I blamed him silently or complained or accused him openly for all the stresses and headaches I got for these relocation nightmares.  But after I’ve calmed down, I analyzed it and think about these myself and I certainly know that he’s innocent.  And I even feel like I should be happy and cheerful for him for getting a good job in the Bay Area during this economy.  There are tons of people who want to move into the San Francisco Bay Area but do not have a chance.  For us, an opportunity is right before us and I’m so much hesitating to take it.  Perhaps the problem lies in me? 

And the girls deserve all the good opportunities and the better education what the Big City has to offer.  Plus, there’ll be much more job opportunities for me there since we’ll be staying right around the Silicon Valley.  I feel like I’m so pessimistic instead of being optimistic about the move.  I kept thinking about all the downsides but I didn’t try to flip the coin to see the brighter side of it.  And I’m treating myself so poor by living on those miseries. 

My problem was that I realize both ups and downs of this relocation but I’ve decided to move on with this new exciting upcoming opportunity by now and will be flipped myself back into the dark side by then whenever I face the stresses.  I was so grouchy, grumpy and cranky during these past few days and I could even barley recognize myself.  Just like he said, where did my aggressive wife go?

Having said all these, I now have pretty much aired out all the things I’ve been holding onto myself and I feel like it’s such a big relief.  This time, I’ve made up my mind for real that I will not live in my agony for no good reason.  I’m moving on!  I’ll do whatever it takes to make the move seamless since I’ve already decided.  Whatever we gotta do, we gotta do.  I’m just looking forward to all the positive things what this relocation will bring for us.  I’m bringing the aggressive me back.  Keep it up!  Fighting! Fighting!!!!