A Mom's Diary-1: Symmetrical Love

"Are Papa and Mama biased and do they love my big brother more than me?"  I often used to have this question popped up on my mind.  Whenever my big bro bullied me but I was the one who always ended scolded or admonished by my parents, that evil doubt usually came and poked my mind.  He was the one who did wrong so shouldn't he be the one whom got punished?  I got bullied and also got often blamed by my parents for not staying away from him, my mind couldn't be at ease.  I usually felt like I was treated unfair. 

Papa once admitted out of his anger that his love is biased toward my brother, I was no doubt in absolute pain.  He also added that even each individual finger of one's hand is not in equal length, why did I search for the fair and square love from them?  It really was heartbreaking and also so slammed my heart that I cut my finger with a knife and recorded with bloody words that I would never forget them.  Whether he actually meant them or they were merely the ones which came out of his anger, they should never came out from Papa's mouth.  NEVER!

A lot of times, it even made me wonder that being a bad child would win favoritism of my parents?  My brother failed his college sophomore year, gambled, smoked, was being extremely disrespectful to them and a big bully to me of course yet they (especially Papa) felt pity and always stand by his side.  For me who really work hard, get a good academic record, pay respect and love (I used to think that they are my world) to them.  Just because you're good and independent doesn't mean that you don't need love from your parents. 

Just like that, I became a big "anti-parent favoritism".  I always tell myself that the history will not repeat for my kids.  I firmly believe that parents should love all of their children equally and justly.

After chartering myself into motherhood, I tell myself that I must not forget to make sure that I'm not a biased mom.  Yet, recently a thought provoked me that I might be giving this wrong signal of parent favoritism to Michelle?  She usually attaches me so much and favors me a lot of times over her Daddy.  But lately she is keeping a distance from me by showing her preferences to him.  I'm fine that she prefers Daddy over me but what concerns me is that why she's doing this?  She usually does the same thing whenever I'm strict or disciplined to her or she got scolded or admonished by me.

I have to admit though that I've been devoting most of my spare time on Sophie recently.  I think about 90% of my spare time is spent for her and I sometimes even feel like I don't leave enough breathing room even for myself.  The main reason is that I just want to make sure that she's doing well academically.  So, during the weekday evenings, I sit down with her to supervise and monitor her homework, Math workshop, reading, science project research, writing, piano practice, etc.  And most of my weekend spare hours are used to accompany and send her to all different classes such as piano, ice skating, ballerina, swimming, etc. 

Michelle also wants my attention so she usually climbed to my lap as she wants to be held.  But she usually disturbed her big sister's homework by scrabbling there or distract her big sister and loose her focus by talking or signing out loud, etc.  Most of the time, I'm letting Sophie run marathon for doing her homework and other stuff since we only got a limited amount of time.  I need to send them to bed early enough so that it won't be a big struggle next morning to wake them up. 

Being annoyed somewhat by Michelle, I usually scolded and drove her away a lot of times and asked her to go play with Daddy while I was supervising Sophie to do her stuff.  Michelle apparently wasn't happy for it.  She pouted and showed her unhappiness and run away but I didn't have time to bother her as I was rushing Sophie to get her stuff done.

Suddenly, her favoritism toward Daddy clicked my mind and make me realize of how I might have make her feel unfair. I feel like I get what she might have been going through recently because of me.

I'm very clear that my love for Sophie doesn't exceed the love I have for Michelle just because I'm devoting most of my time on Sophie.  I love them equally and justly.  When Michelle got a point when she really needs my attention and supervision, I'll be doing the same as well. 

However, love is shapeless so it's difficult to divide exactly and equally all the time just like cutting a pizza pie.   Having said that, it doesn't mean that I now changed my mind and become a supporter of "parent favoritism".  The scar that I had it at one corner of my heart is the best evidence and I vowed to myself that it'll never the case for my girls.

It's just that the love I have for each of them might be different at different point of time depending on their needs.  Sometimes, one needs more care or attention than the other and I love and accommodate them accordingly.  Just because I'm paying more attention to Sophie better at this point of time doesn't mean that I love her more.  Michelle will gradually be a kindergartener and I'll be doing the same thing for her as well.  At that point of time, Sophie might be able to do her studies more independently and she might not need as much attention as she needs from now.  Then, I would fully devote on Michelle by then.

I've been careful and thus I try to make them feel not biased.  For instance, Michelle used to have to wear a lot of the hands-me-down clothes of Sophie.  Just simply because I want to save some big bucks on her clothing as she outgrows so fast.  But now that Michelle is growing up and her emotional perplexing has also been bloomed as much as any human being is equipped with, I make sure that every time I plan to buy one, I buy for both of them. 

I was trying to make sure both of them not to convey the wrong message.  But then it might still not be enough.  From this incident I come to realize that this is a very delicate, sensitive and sophisticated matter which is much more than I've been aware of.  Even though I'm not practicing parent favoritism, I might sometimes be giving the wrong signal to either of them that I'm doing that way.  I've learnt that I should be more careful about my gestures to them next time.

"Parent favoritism" might be out there but I want to make sure to my girls that it doesn't exist in our family.  At times, they might feel that my love is asymmetrical since I will accommodate and fulfill their needs depending on the circumstances.  However, it doesn't mean that if one is constantly in need and the other is quite independent, the independent one will be neglected.  I might be helping the one who is more needy and will also make sure that the independent will receive the same affection from me.  I promise that I'll never let both of you suffer from the emotional misery I've been through.  I vow and dare to declare here that my unconditional love to each of them is symmetrical.  In other words, I assert that I will not let another wounded adult to grow up in this family!  We'll make it happen together.  Are you ready, girls?

All In

This morning when I was folding the laundry and arranging my girls' clothes, I found out that there got a couple of shirts which do not fit Michelle well anymore.  Basically, they became smaller for her.  Time flies so fast.  I felt like it was not so long ago she was born but she is now three years old already.   And Sophie is officially a kindergartner now.  

And there is a big difference between a preschooler and a kindergartner.   She definitely is now getting much busier with her studies.  In her preschool, she learnt something every day but it was just learning for fun.  But for now, she needs to take her studies seriously as she is going to have the assessments  of what she has learnt and her progress every five weeks at her kindergarten.  

Being a mom of a kindergartener, I could also feel myself that I'm much busier.   And definitely it's true that I'm loaded with lots of concerns and expectations for her.   I truly believe that a mom plays a very important role for her kids' education and how well they do in their class, especially when they are this young like a kindergartener.  

First of all, both of us believe that giving a good education to our girls is the most important thing for the rest of their lives.  As she could not get admitted to schools in Davis, we had decided to send her to the private school instead of the public school where she has been assigned to.  Due to the budget cut and all sort of crisis going on, the class size becomes bigger in the public school vs. the smaller and a closer supervision in the private school due to its small class size.

 I thought that once Sophie goes to the kindergarten, we could save quite somewhat substantial tuition fee for her so that we could use it to pay off our mortgage faster.  Well, it would not be true for now since she is going to the private school.   In fact, her kindergarten tuition fee is even more expensive than her preschool one.  It was a big decision but we both didn't get regretted.  As long as she's getting a great education, we both feel so ecstatic.  That's all what we're investing her for.  I told myself that I would save money in other perspectives instead.   Or I work harder so that I could make more money to pay it off? :P

Secondly, my mind is fully loaded with lots of concern for her learning.  Recently, I've been doing lots of research for how to teach a kindergartener.    I've checked her school's curriculum and it's well structured and well planned.  However, I still feel that if I would teach her at home as well, it would definitely help her do much better at school.   There are lots of aspects which I need to help her with: writing, reading, spelling, Spanish, math, science, arts, etc. 

My mind is so overwhelmed that I even feel like that I don't really have time to do other stuff.   Working on a full-time job and trying to be a good housewife and a good mom really is not easy indeed.   Spending time and helping them with their studies alone take up most of my available time after work.  At the same time, it makes me realize more that being a good mom is not that easy.  A good mom is the one who is willing to invest all or most her personal times toward her kids.  

Not only the time but also the patience, effort and lots of other things need to be factored in as far as helping with Sophie's studies.   For instance, I was teaching her the spelling of zero through ten right before a week of her kindergarten start.   I know that she has a memory as good as photographic so I'm totally confident that she would master it in no time.  However, while I was teaching her, she really had a difficulty in remembering all of them.  Even to repeat the spelling of what I had just said seemed so difficult for her and she kept messing up with the spelling. 

I know that it was due to her concentration problem and eventually I was so mad at her.  Then I've made up my mind that we both would not stop even she didn't become mastered all those spellings by then.   He even told me that I was so harsh towards her and was using the wrong approach to teach her.

 And she knew that I was mad at her and she was even sweating.  But then guess what?  She magically got them all right not along after I was mad at her.  And I keep testing her spelling all subsequent days and she got everything right.  I know that how she feels so good and proud about herself for it.   Of course, it's needless to say that I feel so good and proud of her as well.  

Last Friday, she showed me all bright shiny colorful bracelets which were awarded to her from her teacher.  She told me that she was doing so well in her class and she was the only one who got all those awards.  Nothing else could make me more ecstatic than her little overjoyed face right at that moment.  Who would not feel so good about their own achievements and the rewards they got?

In addition to that, there are lots of extra-curriculum activities and skills I want her to learn.  I really want her to be a very well-rounded person.  When I was young, there got lots of things I want to do and learn but I was not encouraged and supported by my parents.  For instance, I want to learn how to play the piano and the guitar.  But my parents believed that those were just a waste of time and useless and they never let me learn them.   Now, I realize that learning a piano could stimulate the brain of young kids so it has a good effect for their school studies as well.   And I've sworn to myself that I would let my girls learn any other extra-curriculum skills and activities as long as they are willing to do so.  

Yesterday, during her piano lesson, she seemed to have problems with sitting still on her keyboard stool and focusing on her learning.  As her teacher is my friend, she knows him well so she kept talking to her some other distracting stuff as she seemed fidget with her piano lessons.  I had to scold her often to stay focused.  I used techniques like I didn't let her drink her juice if she didn't do well, etc.  Eventually she was doing alright.   I know that I could be a mean mom sometimes but I hope that she would understand me one day.  All I was doing are for her own good sake.  I really hope that you would understand me one day, my dear!

I think it's really important that parents need to override their kids' preferences from time to time to make them stay on the correct paths.   At this age, they are not quite sure yet what they want to do nor what they are supposed to do nor what are the things they are interested in to do.   I believe that there is no kid who is not fond of playing and thus playing usually outweighs their studies and other things they are supposed to do.  Therefore, parents have to override what they need to do.   

For instance, I was sent to the swimming class when I was a teenager.   I didn't like swimming at that time.  One time, I was forced to push into the deep water by my swim instructor.  As I didn't know how to swim well, I was struggling in the water by drinking so much water.  That awful experience made me even more scared to learn swimming.   Consequently, I didn't manage to get the swim certificate and ended up not knowing how to swim even though I was sent to the swim class by my parents.   But now, I regretted that I didn't learn well at that time and how I wish that I know how to swim!   But it was way too late now!

At that time, my parents sent me to the swim class with my friend who was a few years senior than me and who was also the daughter of my dad's best friend.  Even though I told them that I didn't want to learn the swimming and I'm afraid of the water, they all did was to force me to go to the class with their best friend's daughter.   If they had kept me accompanied or if they had convinced me how important and useful it is to know how to swim, I might have ended up knowing how to swim.    Therefore, it's sometimes important that parents need to understand their kids really well and to override their preferences if it deemed necessary.

I might be so mean, strict, pushy and make you feel unpleasant often.  But I'll do whatever it takes the best for you girls at all cost.  I'm all in.  At this point, you might not understand me what and why I'm doing all these.  However, I really hope and wish that you would see me through and get me right on one day though.

A Mom's Concerns - 1

 The thoughts which occupies my mind the most lately is about Sophie's kindergarten.  Yeah, I'm still having the kindergarten headaches for her.  It turns out that she could not get into all schools which are on the topmost of my list.  Ah...  Why don't things go smoothly?   Well, I don't really want to send her to the school over by our place where she has been assigned to go.  Its API is not even quite 800.  Compared to those in Davis which range from the mid 900 to the early 800, this definitely is far inferior.  Again, whether she could get into one of them in Davis is uncertain at the moment due to the fact that the budget cut , teachers being laid off, less classes, etc.  This economy downturn does affect each of us. 

As a last resort, I'm now seriously thinking to send her to Merryhills, which of course will cost us much more.   Will it really worth to invest such a big money even for her kindergarten?   I was thinking to put aside those money for their college expenses instead of putting too much for pre-college.   As long as she is in a school where it's safe and she could get a regular education just like most other kids do then will it be well enough? 

Why do I even care so much about the API of the school?  It's just a kindergarten and I could still do a close supervision to her so that I could make sure that she would be doing as good as or even better than those students in Davis schools?   Wait a minute!  The elementary school where I went to might be even much worse than the one over by our place in terms of the academic ranking and other perspectives.  Over there, we didn't have API to measure of course.   Even then, with my mom's close supervision and care, I got the rank1 for almost every grade in my school and won first prizes almost every year.   Then,  why am I thinking so much and making it bigger than it seems?  Oh, my brain hurts.

I know she's a really smart girl.  She was well advanced than other kids.  She was already excelled in walking and even climbing the high places at the age of 10 months while most of the other kids were still striving to learn to walk.  When she was not quite 2 and a half years old, she mastered and was able to sing a lot of nursery songs as I sang them to her almost every night.   When she was a little over 3 years old, she was able to say A through Z and counting 1 to 10 whereas one of my friends' son barley knew a,b and c.

For example, today's incident is an evidence.   We were at Half Moon Bay State Beach.  Both Sophie and Michelle were building the sand castle.  As I forgot to bring the sand kits and buckets, they weren't able to water the sand castle for molding.  Then Sophie came to me and asked that she wanted to use the drinking water bottle in my hand.  I told her firmly that it was just for drinking and not to water on her sand castle.  She stared at me and agreed unwillingly.  Then she drank a lot of water full of her cheeks and spit it out on the sand castle.   When I saw it, I could not quite believe it was a 4.5 years old.  I wasn't sure I was that smart when I was her age.

Therefore, I really wish to maximize all her smarts and talents.  I do really wish that she could go to the one of the topmost universities in this country to where I didn't get an opportunity to attend.   The education is the only thing we could provide to them and which go along with them all their life.  If you ask me then I would say that what I managed to get well  most is my education and thus it's my profession which could make me stand on my own foot and make my living for the rest of my life.

Recently, he showed me a news of a Chinese immigrant or an ABC kid who got acceptance from all top universities such as Harvard, Stanford, Yale, etc.  And his father in no doubt is a professor of course.   And he really knows what is the best to give to his kid and his son has such an outstanding career and life ahead.   I could imagine that the ecstasy and the feeling of pride he would be having for all his son's achievements.    This really makes one to envy enough!

I know.  It's a mutual understanding and coordination between the parents and the kids to gain such a great achievement and a fruitful outcome.  I've seen that there got cases where parents put so much heart and made the ways for their kids but they didn't follow well so it didn't turn out good.  Also, there got cases where kids did a great job by finding and making their own ways without or with little support from their parents.

And I do believe that if the parents put all their hearts and efforts and make the best ways and supports for their kids and the kids also not only follow well but also make their ways even better by their own motivation will lead to the grand outcome like the aforementioned Chinese kid.    It's not easy though indeed.

It makes me realize that I definitely need to put more effort and time for their future and life in every perspective so that they will always be on the right track.  It's a well known fact that interactions with human beings or the human management is one of the most challenging jobs.   Parenting where the communication plays a crucial part with the kids therefore is a very challenging job indeed.  It's like I need to know which weapons to use during the different courses throughout all our communications so that a successful outcome will always be the case.

Oh, it's still a long way to go.  I definitely need to devote much more time on them and do the best for them.   When they are young, I believe that parents play the key role for molding and guiding their future and what they should be doing and what they will be doing.  Because they don't know what is right, what is wrong, what is good and what is bad.  So it's entirely up to the parents to train their kids in the way they want to be or neglect them and let them grow in their own ways.  It's not an easy job, to sacrifice my personal times to devote to them.  But I'm on.  That's what it's called to be a "mom" I guess.

Kindergarten Headaches!

Today is one of the important days for us.  Tonight is the lottery night.   Well, we're applying Sophie to the charter school right around the corner of our house.  This school has 900+ API (Academic Performance Index).  It's really a very good API and probably one of the schools which manages to get such a high API around this area.  Usually, most other schools in this area only has 700+ and 800+ API.  I had toured the school and I like it a lot as well.  This main reason and also the proximity to our house really make me wish that Sophie could get admitted to it.  However, they have to run the lottery system since they received more than 300 applications where only 100 spots are available.  So, it's not sure whether she could get in there or not.  I'm praying hard and crossing  my fingers.  Oh my God! It's almost the same feeling like I'm waiting for my exam result to come out. 

My head is spinning with a series of thoughts as well.  If it wouldn't work then, what would we gonna do?  In fact, we've already started exploring other options as a backup plan.  But none of them have really been materialized yet.  A lot of options and a lot of information: Private or public school? School day or full day?  Extended care?  Montessori or non-Montessori?  And Spanish immersion school or Chinese immersion school?  Sophie's preschool teacher is convincing to us that she would be a perfect fit for the Spanish immersion school since her Spanish is superb and she could pick a new language up so easily.  Yeah, I know: knowing another language definitely is a plus.  As a matter of fact, I had learnt from one of my co-workers recently that there is a Chinese immersion school not far from where I work and it's a nice school as well.  As Chinese is on our top list as her second language, should I be considering this school as well?  Also school in Sacramento or school in Davis?  Schools in Davis have a better academic performance than those in this area.  If we want her to get enrolled in schools at Davis then we would need the inter-district transfer approval.  However, the down side is that we would only be notified of her admission to the school much later than those of Davis residents as she is not its resident and not from that district.  And yes, there is the possibility that she could not get admitted to the school we want and we might end up like enrolling her to the school they assigned to us at the end.  I'm learning as we go and doing all these new things.  It's really stressful indeed.  What's a headache!

Meanwhile, I'm feeling so anxious and nervous for tonight's lottery outcome at the charter school.  And it has already occupied my brain with all those "What if".  I'm wondering that all the first-timers parents of kindergartners will be in the same situation as we do now?  Uh, oh...  this might just be the beginning and there might be more serious and similar headaches along the way.  The long road is ahead us and this is just for her kindergarten and I'm having so much stress and headaches already.  May be I'm making it bigger than it seems? 

At the same time, it really reminds me of my mom who used to wait for me at the street corner with so much worries and concerns and could not have her dinner if I came home late from my classes and my work.  I always used to tell her not to be like that and there was nothing to get worried about me.  When she kept doing it I just could not get it except I felt pity for her.  She told me that she just could not help and when I became a parent I would know what she was talking about.  Mama is right.  This is really happening to me now.  Alright, welcome to the parenthood!   Probably someone out there with the similar experience and in the same situation could be on the same page with me?

And I'm crossing my fingers for tonight!  And yes, I'm praying hard and may Buddha bless me!  Please do not make my kindergarten headaches worsen!

Are parents heroes or suckers?

It was our last Sunday's dinner.  I felt so exhausted and didn't feel like cooking so we went to Black Bear Diner for our dinner.  I had a late heavy brunch thing and skipped my lunch so I was so hungry when we got there.  My entree came with the salad and his entree came with the soup.  But both of my girls love the chicken noodle soup and they were doing quite well over sharing a bowl of the soup.  And he loves the salad so I gave it to him.  While waiting for the main entree to be served, I was really starving.  And there it came my entree: a big portion of half rack ribs with tri trip roast.  Before I had started eating, they tried to grab the fries from my plate which comes as a side.  Following after that Sophie said, "May I have the pork ribs, Mama?"  And Michelle is a good copycat to her elder sister and was requesting the same.  So instead of trying to satisfy my empty stomach, I started taking off the meat from the ribs and putting them on each of their plate.  Before I had finished serving one, another demanded more and it just kept me busy for taking turn to serve them the ribs.  During this, I had to act quickly to stuff my mouth with the veggies and some fries and tri trip roast.  Yes, I was really hungry.  And I did learn over time how to feed myself quickly while I'm still serving and feeding both of them.

Well, this is a very typical day of my life for being a mom of two toddlers: one is a four and a half and another is a two and a half years old.  I used to be really impatient and could blow up when I'm being disturbed or interrupted during my meal.  Being a mom has changed me a lot of my life perspectives, what I like and dislike, my preferences and most importantly my tolerance.

In fact, that was just a one small scenario of my typical day.  There could be several other ones which they could drive me nuts. For instance, Sophie often asks me to bring her to the restroom right in the middle of my meal at the restaurants and makes me wait there while she is poop-ing and I have to clean her afterward.  Needless to say to wipe her poop, I used to get puked for bringing up any conversation containing any topic or partial of the poop. But now, this totally is a whole new me.

If my mom is still alive then will she be proud of me for being how I'm coping a motherhood or will she be laughing at me and saying like "Now you got and sympathize me?"

I have to admit that being a parent is one of the most challenging jobs I have ever done.  While I'm trying my best to be a good model of them, I often got annoyed and lost my temper and patience and there got some days I could not control myself and ended up yelling at them.  I often teach them that yelling is not good and to be gentle and polite.  Then I apparently am not supposed to be yelling and when I did yell, it really made me guilty afterward and felt like I was not doing the right thing right away.  One time, after I had calmed down, Sophie approached me and confronted me by asking "Mama, you told me that yelling is not good and why were you so mad and yelling at us?" in her soft voice.  I was speechless initially and had to apologize and comforted her that I was not supposed to be doing this and would not be doing it again next time. 

One of the challenging moments (They are not happy with each other)

It's not really easy to be a parent, especially when you want to be a good one.  I have to sacrifice a lot.  In fact, we: both my husband and I.  What I like to do and what I want to do does not come first, and what they need and what is good for them come first instead.

I don't remember how long I've been giving up watching TV.  There only got about an hour after we've finished dinner and I've finished cleaning up everything in the kitchen before hitting the bed.  Kids at this age need 12-15 hours of sleep everyday and we need to put them asleep around 8:30pm.  During that one hour, they want to watch their favorite Caillou or Elmo or Dora or whatever.  They are our priority so there they go watching their favorite comics or animations while we could only force ourselves to keep them company and watch along with whatever their favorites they are watching.  I have never been to any theater in the States.  Soon after we've arrived here, we got Sophie and about two years after that Michelle joined our family.  So where do we have a chance to go to the theaters with these two little ones?  There got times their preschool runs the "Parents Night Out" program but we've never thought of signing it up even once.  Both of us feel really guilty going out ourselves without them.  One time, my mother-in-law was with us so we had decided to celebrate the Valentine's Day in LA by leaving Sophie and Michelle with her.  We planned to stay there for a couple of days but I felt so guilty and missed them so much during the first day and we rushed back home on second day. 

They often drive you nuts and make you crazy while you're with them.  Then why do I feel guilty and feel like something is missing when I'm not with them?  No matter how I feel exhausted or how I feel mad or whatever mode I'm in, if they come and hug you and give you a kiss and tell you like "I love you mommy" then my heart got melted and feel like every single thing I've done or sacrificed is so worth it.  Sometimes when I think of myself, I do not recognize myself as I've changed and adapted myself a lot; I could see that I've changed drastically before and after becoming a mom. 

I read in the news that bringing up a kid from an infant to the age of 18 costs you about $190,000.  We have two kids and it will make us cost like about $380,000?  That's true.  Really, the tuition fee of their preschool we're paying for both of them could actually cover another mortgage and it's like we're paying two different mortgages.  These are just a few to name and there are countless sacrifices we've done for them as a parent. 

I have a lot of friends in Singapore and most of them are singles to date.  When they expose their lives via Facebook convincing that they are really enjoying their lives, it sometimes make me envy them of being able to do whatever I want to do care freely without having to consider anything else.  And I come across this article on Times: "Kid Crazy: Why we exaggerate the joys of parenthood" .  The author concluded his article with the line: "Of course parents should be commended for one little thing they do: maintain the existence of humanity.  I praise them for that, but I think they are both heroes and suckers. (http://healthland.time.com/2011/03/04/why-having-kids-is-foolish)" really hits my heart and thus it becomes the title of my blog. 

I have to admit that I sometimes think myself that what if I don't get married til now?  I might be enjoying myself with whatever things I want to do and wherever I want to go.  Will I be really happy by then?  Will my life be really meaningful by being myself alone throughout the rest of my life?  Well, life will get bored without any challenges and without any twists and turns to face and deal with.  I'll feel so awesome at the beginning but I might get bored over the time with the loneliness.  On my birthday, who gonna brighten my day with the birthday kiss?  When I get sick, who gonna crawl to my bed and hug me and bring me a glass of water to make me feel better? Whom do I hold when I feel lonely, especially when he's on business trip?  Who gonna bring noises and joy to our house to be a home-sweet-home? 

Well, just like everything else, there are always pros and cons and so it does for being a parenthood or having kids.  However, I personally feel that the pros outweigh the cons.  Their giggles and hugs and kisses and achievements will make your way and give you encouragement to keep going.  And yes, it will make your life worthwhile to live by and goes on.  Think about it, our parents sacrifice for us and now it's our turn.  We just have to play our part to pass this tradition to our kids. And they will pass this to their kids and so on and many more generations to come.  My parents play one of the most important parts of my life for being who I am today.  And I have faith that I play an important part to a healthy life (both physically and mentally) of my kids.  My parents owe me endless gratitude by sacrificing a lot of things in their life.  I'm now doing the same for my kids.  I don't feel like they owe me anything or I don't want them to feel this way but I'm just returning them for whatever I've owed to my parents.  I love them and they love me and a happy family is the key.  Thus, I claim that parents are heroes whose lives could get suck from times to times but they definitely are not suckers.  It just depends on how you think it and from the perspective you're looking at I think.  Happy parenting!!

One of ecstatic moments (Totally worth it!!)