Happy Mother's Day (2014)!

When I was picking Michelle up from after school on last Friday, she rushed and hurriedly  presented me with a beautiful decorated pink bag, a sweet tight hug and said "Happy Mother's Day, mommy!"  My heart got melted momentarily.  

The same evening, Sophie gave me a packet with her handcrafted items for Mother's Day she had been working on in her class.  She explained me in details how she put her heart to come up with her letter to me.  After reading her letter to me, I felt tears in my eyes.  My heart was touched yet felt so warm and loved.

Nothing else could make my heart warmer and more meltdown than those sweet little gestures. 

Only moms know what it takes to be a mom.  A mom is the core of the family and she's one of the essential ingredients for running a successful family. 

The other day I saw a Chinese TV program.  It was about a teenage girl who was pursuing her violin career in a big city.  It showed how her mom sacrifices herself, takes care and is fully dedicated and supports her daughter through a financial hardship and living poverty.  It best depicts a mom's love.  Being a mom myself, I know it's the same for every mom. 

Not all successful kids might not have moms but if they do then there's a very supportive and loving mom behind them.

Sadly, I don't have my mom to celebrate Mother's Day with me anymore.  Even though she's not around, she's always in my heart. As the saying goes, a mom cannot hold her children's hands forever but she'll hold their hearts forever. 

Happy Mother's Day to my mom and every single mom out there!  

                                                                      Sophie's letter

                                                                     Michelle's present

Life is short so live it to its fullest

I came late to our daily Scrum meeting this morning only to learn that our Senior Director of IT department had just passed away.  I was in a complete shock.  We all knew that he was having advanced cancer but nobody has predicted that his passing would come so soon.

Suddenly, it reminds me of the loss of my parents.  And it's really sad with all these feelings mixed altogether.

Wow! Life is short!  I still remember him always wearing a big smile on his face and heartily greet me by calling out my name loud every time he sees me. It was still like yesterday.

I heard those conversations around me talking about him being so hardworking and barely got time for himself and his family when he was alive. The fact that his advanced cancer was detected this late is the best proof that he was such a workaholic.  I also heard that he was having a really bad time when his only daughter left to the college when he actually realized that he didn't spend enough time with her when she was home with him.

This really is a lesson.  There got competing priorities in everyday of our life.  And it's up to us to prioritize them accordingly. It indeed is hard when all seems to be equally important but we could only pick to do a few out of them each day.

No matter how you are passionate about your job and your career, don't forget to take care of your health since all will be in vain without it.  Only the living person could carry out the tasks not the dead one!

Always spare enough time to spend time with family. ALWAYS!  At the end of the day, they are the only ones who care about you, who will be by your side and love you as who you are no matter what. And don't forget to share the laughter with good friends too.

After hearing our director's passing, one of my coworkers quoted, "Job should always come secondary. That's the lesson learnt!"

Right, a brilliant and successful career is meaningless without a good health and happy family members surrounded to one, isn't it?

Note to self and to all workaholics: Always remember to take care oneself well and embrace and enjoy time with family after getting  off from work each day.  Work can be waited until a new day comes but time and life will not wait you once you've missed those "precious" moments.

Let's embrace and enjoy them without any regret later!  Life is short.  That's true!  We just always need to remember it.

To Mom the noblest one of all

 Yesterday I was watching a Chinese music contest program.  One of the contestants described his story before his performance which was that him mom sent him to US to go to the music college there to fulfill his career dream by borrowing money from others for his tuition.  The love and the faith his mom has on him absolutely hit my heart.   

My parents did almost the same thing to send me to Singapore, didn't they?  Even though they didn't have to borrow money, to support the expenses of living abroad was a big financial responsibility.   Suddenly tears gathers around my eyes and I badly miss Papa & Mama.  When Mother's Day is right around the corner, I especially would like to highlight my mom for her countless sacrifices, endless gratitude and unconditional love to me.

Since elementary school years, I learnt from school textbook about mom's love and sacrifices towards her children and even Buddha who is the noblest one of all could only repay just about the half of all those gratitude.  Ordinary people like us couldn't make anywhere near to it.

From both theory and experiences, I absolutely am aware of my mom's love and sacrifices.   I thought I knew it all but I had realized that I was wrong until I became a mom myself.  In fact, I previously didn't completely get what it takes to be a mom and what my mom had been through all her life to bring me up.  

 When I actually had to take the same role, it became more clear and transparent the whole thing.

When I clean up the girls' for their diapers, their puke or all messes they made, I silently regretted how I hesitated to touch some of the dirty stuff which came out of her mouth.  She cleaned me up just like what I did for my girls but and she didn't deserve any hesitation from me for her turn.

Every time I gave or reserved the best part of the food to the girls, it made me realize that it was no doubt that Mama as well had done the same for me and my brother.

Whenever the girls drove me nuts every now and then, it made me realize that how much my mom had put up or tolerate me all along.

When I read about a story of a mom who died for her kid in order to protect her by covering her with her whole body during the last Japanese Tsunami, it made me broke my tears immediately.  It best depicts what a mom is and I badly miss my Mama immediately.  

The more I experience motherhood, the more I realize what it takes to be a mom and what Mama had been through all her life for me and my brother.  And it makes me regret for anything that I have done or said to Mama which hurt her feelings.  

There's a saying in my culture: "Take good care of one's parents while they are still alive and do not regret or cry when they are gone for missing the chance".  I live by that motto and I thought I will have no regret or guilt but I still do have regrets and guilt.  The biggest one will be that I couldn't take care of her by her side during her last days and I'll live in pain with that misery or guilt for the rest of my life as a punishment.  Shame on me!  :(  No wonder parents' love are best described as downstream and it's usually one direction.

Along with that, another biggest regret is that I just wished that she could live longer so that I could get a chance to take good care of her longer for her turn, just like what she did for me.  How I wish that she's still here today with me! 

If you still have your mom, don't be shy to let her know that how much you care and love her.  Even only a little amount of gestures will touch her and she'll be ecstatic and elated.   I know this from my own experiences for being a mom myself.  Remember her on your birthday as it's the day she had been through the biggest pain of her life to bring you into this world.

Whenever you can, try to make it a Mother's day for her for everyday you're with her.   Appreciate and grab that opportunity while you still can because I couldn't. 

Even though I know that you won't hear  me, I still would like to tell you, Mama.  Thank you so much for everything!  I really mean it.  Happy Mother's Day to Mama and all moms and even moms-to-be!  Cheers!  

Social Phenomena

Out of all universities we've attended, there got one which is never-ending and it's a life university.  That's because we're learning new stuff in every single day of our life.  Among all, the biggest challenge is the one which is so-called dealing with people.

The word "different", "various", "miscellaneous" exist there for a reason and not all people we meet in life are nice to us.

Some love us and some like us.  Some of them dislike or a few of them might even hate us.   Some are supportive, happy and be proud for your success.

Some get envious but some might get jealous and some who even try to pull your legs with evil wills.  Challenges and headaches come into play while dealing with such people who try to bring you down and get you in troubled.

Dealing with such people could drain lots of one's good energy.  We just need to put them into perspective and should try to minimize of their impact to our life.

I somehow came across some of the cool lines in my mother language and I thought they are worth to be shared.  Here are my version of translations of them:

• If you get dispraised or censured, that's because they are so impressed by you.

• If you get oppressed by them then that's because they are scared or threatened by you.

• If you get opposed to them then that's because you're unbeatable.

• If you get jealous by them then that's because you're so successful.

• If you get defamed by them then that's because you have such a great reputation.

• If you get hatred by them then that's because you're well loved by others.

• If you get neglected or ignored by them then that's because you're brilliant.

• If you get criticized by them then that's because you're outstanding.

• If you get inspected by them then that's because you're very honest.

If someone try to knock you off or put you down, remember aforementioned philosophies. Happy Reading!! :)

Best Stress Reliever??

I know, I know!  It had been a while that I broke up with my blog.  I was extremely busy and was completely down for a couple of days with flu at some point.  Excuses, excuses, yeah? :P

As a full-time busy working mom, I often feel like 24 hours a day is not enough.  Life is busy, exhausting and run into frustrations from times to times.

However, I got this super cool stress reduction method to share with you.  My coworker next door got it for me in my cube.  It really cracked me up when I first saw it.  And it's still making me laugh at times.

Here you go for your pleasure of viewing... :P

I'm pretty positive that it gonna relieve one's stress if you exactly follow the instructions on there.

But WAIT!!!!  Here is my disclaimer.  Do it with our own discretion and I'll hold no responsibility for any consequences, LOL :P

Kids Bliss

One's life has been drastically changed.  Lifestyles are adjusted; challenges have been coped; sacrifices are just being a part of it; ego and selfishness are getting faded; freedom is being revoked and most of the time one's struggling to get alone time or a break;  Feel like 24-hours a day is not enough for a day and tiredness and exhausts usually ends one's day, just to name a few.

If all or some of the above are hitting you?  Then, congratulations for your promotion and welcome to the parenthood :)

For instance, here are a few examples from myself:

Staying up late and cruising before computer or TV or whatever thing one like to do at home beyond midnight becomes a thing in the past.

Someone who hated to be waken up during the sound sleep have to get up countless times during the nights, especially when those little ones get sick.  At times, it involves cleaning up their puke and changing bed sheets during midnight or at dawn.

Someone who is so sensitive about dirt and disgusting stuff finds herself changing their diapers or having to wait and clean them up at the restrooms right in the middle of the meal.

Going out becomes a challenge and a hassle because it requires one to bring diapers, formula, jackets, stroller, extra clothes and so on and on.  A lot of the times, finding oneself feeding or changing diapers to that cute little one often at the shopping center.  Or chasing those little toddlers where one is running to the east and another towards the west instead of shopping.

Getting up late on Saturdays' mornings at the cost of a huge pile of messes everywhere around the house due to the outcome of their play.

Having to clean their stuff up from the dining table right before almost every meal becomes a routine of one's life.

Finding markers, marks, hand or foot prints on the wall of one's brand new house or a brand new expensive genuine leather couch or other expensive furniture in the house will no longer make one upset or have one to forget about what meltdown moments mean become pretty usual.

One can't keep up cleaning her car just because the back row of one's car where their car seats are and where they sit literally becomes a trash yard.

Put aside Pleasures, Eternity, No. 5 or Red Door or any other favorite perfumes one likes.  One often finds that baby puke is the defaulted fragrance you got.

One doesn't get any of her pick anymore for any outdoor places, restaurants or even the vacation spots. Family-friendly ones are by default. Period.

You give the designer bags up for their enrichment classes tuition fee or a piano or an ice skating shoes for them.

And so on and on and on...

Familiar some or all of the above?  Welcome to my world!!

But here is the good news...

The love flowing between you to them or from them to you alone keeps one's life perfect and wonderful.

You live your life for them and they are absolutely the meanings of it. They are the reasons which make your world spinning.


Your life goals and definitions are more refined because that incredible power of love you're getting is pushing you to work harder for a better life of your family.  This is what you come home for everyday even on the worst day.

You will never feel alone.  Never, ever and forever!!!

Those little noises and laughter make your life so colorful.  At times, their accomplishments and achievements make you a proud mama and brings nothing but ecstasy.

They make your heart so warm with those cute little gestures.

I broke with the exhaust and a meltdown moment just the other day so I went into our bedroom to get a timeout to calm myself down.  Soon after that I felt an extremely soft touch on my forehead by a soft and warm hand.  Apparently, the touch was so gentle and careful not to wake me up.  Wondering it might have been him who came and comforted me.  To my surprise, it was Sophie.  I saw her little face was loaded with lots of concerns for me.  Then she tried to reach to the dresser next to our bed for a glass of water she  brought with her and asked me to drink.  At the same time she gave me a gentle kiss on my face!  Oh my!! Can you feel my heart was melting?

Not long ago, I was coughing and getting sick.  Michelle rushed towards me and climbed over me in no time. Then she started patting my back to make me relieve from my cough.  Apparently, she learned that from me when I did it to her every time she was coughing hard.  Her little hand reached my forehead to feel my temperature.  And she ran to grab a glass of water for me.  At the same time she brought the blanket and tried to cover me up with it.  Oh my goodness!  Can you imagine how cute and sweet it was?  I was just so speechless!

No exact words to express how I felt yet I was so touched and ecstatic by both of their gestures.  It's just so priceless!

Whenever you shed your tears, those little extra pairs of hands are always there to help you wipe it.  How's soothing!! Parenting is such a rewarding experience and it makes you feel like everything you've done for them seems so worth it.

They completes the definition of love and love is always just in the air around you.

Their love, their touches, their kisses, their companies are just sweeter than any sweet in the world.  Can't ask more.  Really!!

They are the hope of your life and it's one of the essential reasons to keep your life going.  Just seeing those little ones who are a part of your flesh and got your blood running inside them alone can make you feel so amazing!!

You pamper them today and I believe they will pamper you back when you grow older and become needy. I've been seeing lots of examples around me for such returns even though I'm not counting on or expecting them for any paybacks or returns.

Just like my late beloved little aunt who was a single told me, "You get the freedom for whatever you want to do and suffer it when you grow older as there's no offspring or anyone who can actually devote and take care of you when you're really in need.  Or you could sacrifice your freedom now but get the fruitful returns when you grow old."  She added that "I recommend you to get married and have a family instead of suffering from being loner which becomes more and more obvious as you grow older".

Her words become more and more making sense as I'm experiencing it.  One of my coworkers who is a divorced mom always comes and share her joys whenever she gets the care and whenever her son tells her that how he would protect and take care of her for the rest of her life once he's grown up and got a job.  I absolutely can feel the sweetness she's consuming!

There's no doubt about a huge difference between "Life with kids" and "Life without kids".  Either one has pain and gain.  Everyone has their own choices and preferences and I of course have no offense for those who continued to enjoy their lives of being single and alone.  However, I got my own pick and it can't be happier with my choice.

Love and family is the most precious item I've got and I'm nothing without them.  There got pain and countless sacrifices but I personally feel they are nothing compared to the gain.  The bliss my kids bring to my life is the essential euphoric medical intake for both of my hubby and me which compensates our exhausts and such and also recharges our busy life to keep it going.  They are our biggest motivators who make our worlds go around.  It's just so rewarding and life is good and sweet.  That's all I gotta say!!!! :D

"New" Syndrome

You've got a new stuff, especially it's really expensive or pricey.  You're so thrilled to have or own it.  At the same time, you've overloaded concerns about it.  You treasure it so much that you are extra cautious while using it as you want to keep it as close as brand new condition.  In case anything happens to it, you'll protect it with everything within your power.  You'd rather get your hands or your feet or any part of your body hurt instead of letting anything happen to it :P

Sometimes, you're kind of hesitant when you let others to use it.  Under unavoidable circumstances, when you let others to use it, you're loaded with tons of worries as if they might break it.  When they don't treasure and use it the way you would, it will make you so miserable.  At times, without even being aware of yourself you have already confronted others or show your upset with your opinion as if they commit a crime to you.

Oh yeah!  You will get past with all these miseries at one point but you're at hype at the very beginning of your ownership :D

If all or some of those coincide with one of your experiences, welcome to my world!  You have so-called "New" syndrome: a syndrome we get for "New" stuff where we extremely treasure.  LOL :P

Every once in a while, I get this "New" syndrome.  When we just got our brand new house, we (especially I) were initially so reluctant to pin a needle on the wall even though I wanted to hang some pictures or paintings on the wall :P  Believe it or not!  It took us quite a couple of months to finally come to a decision to pin a hole on the wall :P

My uncle told me a story that one of his friends even slap his kids' hands whenever they try to put them on the wall as he was afraid of leaving some dirty marks on it.  Oh NO!!!!  It was just way too much.  I guess I can't beat him :P

But check this out though!  When we just got our cars, they were brand new of course.  I was initially really reluctant to set a foot on it as I was concerned of making the brand new carpets dirty.  And when I close the door, I would try as gentle as possible.  When I heard his action to shutting the door was louder than mine, I would start complaining him for slamming the doors.  At that point, I was even hesitant to drive it to long distance as I didn't want to increase mileage of my car :P

With that said, I got some better stories than mine though.  One of my previous coworkers would only drive his car for "to-and-fro" short commute from his house to the office.  For any vacation or long distance drive, he would rent a car to save mileage on his car.  :P  My hubby was like "Why so?  I don't get it!!!" when he heard about it.

And another good one here: my big boss in Singapore once let us sit in his Toyota Camry for a group lunch.  When we'd got to the destination, he told us not to come out yet. Then he jumped out of his car and rushed to the door and open it for us.  I was the last one to come out so I thought I should close it.  You didn't want to let your boss close the door for you, didn't you?  So I pushed the door (gently) and it didn't even close properly.  He was like "Oh, NO, NO!!!! Slowly!!  Slowly!!! You're hurting my car door!!"  "WOWWW!!!!"  and "OMG!!!!"  Those were all I could say.  LOL :P

Well, owning a car in Singapore back then was really costly.  Public transportation in Singapore is so good so the government made it so pricey to own a car to save the limited parking issue on the island.  Therefore, if you own a car, even a Toyota Corolla, you're something in Singapore.  Owning a Camry is up to another level and it makes one a proud owner so I can't really blame him of course :D

Have your ever run into a situation when one of your precious belongings is dropping?  You'll try to catch or save it all you can.  For some cases, you might save it but your hand or you leg or a part of your body ends up getting hurt.  But right at that moment, the instance response from our brain was just to save it all you can at all cost.  If you couldn't for some reasons, it'll just ruin your day or your mood.  I'm in no doubt fall into that category of course :P

He always tries to tell or explain me to shun myself from that so-called "New Syndrome".  He said that those were just simply the material illusions and none of them are much more precious than ourselves.  He asked me whether those materialistic things are much more important or whether loved ones and others around us are more important?  Protecting them by hurting oneself or hurting the feelings of loved ones or others around us, does it really worth it?

Well, all his words apparently really make sense.  I get it.  But as you know, good things are hard to follow and it takes time :P  To change one's mindset and mentality need time and practice.  I'm getting there and I'm much more better now than where I used to be before.

One of my new year's resolutions is to get away with "New" syndrome.  Happy New Year everyone and hope you're also free from "New" syndrome if any!!! :)

Holly Jolly Christmas

Jolly Old Saint Nicholas,

Lean your ear this way;

Don't you tell a single soul

What I'm going to say,

Christmas Eve is coming soon;

Now you dear old man,

Whisper what you'll bring to me;

Tell me if you can.

...

Those are the lyrics from one of the Christmas carol pieces Sophie has been practising on her piano.

It was so funny last night that Sophie rushed inside the house in the quest of surprised presents from Santa as soon as we got back home from our vacation.  When she couldn't locate any, she felt extremely upset, and went inside the closet in their room, closing those sliding mirror closet doors and sat down in that dark corner with a sad face wearing a huge disappointment.

When I tried to comfort her with presents we got for them, it didn't do it of course as they weren't from Santa she pouted.

I didn't think that it would be such a big deal so I didn't wrap and prepare the gifts and secretly leave them at a corner of our house (since we didn't plan to decorate Christmas tree this year due to the limited space in our current place) before our vacation.  My bad!!

Being a non-Christian and coming from a country where Christmas is not widely celebrated (it held at least true until when I was there), it was so amazing to learn about the beliefs of Santa's existence by kids in this country at the beginning.  What Christmas to me back then was that it was merely something which was celebrated by my Christians neighbors.  Even when I was in Singapore, I visited Orchard Road and enjoyed staring at those beautiful vast Christmas decorations every year and it was nothing more than that for me.

I used to think that Santa doesn't have anything to do with me until when girls starting to learn about Santa at their preschools and make me leave a cup of milk with a cookie under the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve.  And I learnt to secretly take a bite of cookie while girls were falling into asleep to convince them that Santa really came and left presents for them on that night in our house :D

Apparently, I'm getting there but there's always rooms for improvements, don't you think? :P

Once there got this famous news here that a teacher was in trouble for breaking the news to her students during the class that Santa was fake.  Not only parents of the students of the teacher, but also almost all parents nationwide got furious after hearing the news.  Even my boss back then had a very upset conversation with others in the office including me by blaming the teacher for being so clueless.

All those young kids who are small enough to buy the idea of Santa's existence, St. Nick or Mr. C is really there making a list of nice and naughty to make sure whom to be given presents and whom would be excluded from his list.  And on Christmas Even, Santa will be visiting kids all over the world on his flying raindeers and is sneaking into house to house via chimney to leave the presents to good and well-behaved kids.  And every kid is so concerned of not getting a gift from Santa.

It was so funny when Sophie was so concerned how Santa would come into our house back in Sacramento which doesn't come with chimney.  I had to convince her that modern houses don't have chimneys and Santa would use the garage for those which don't have one.

To me, it wasn't until recently which I learnt that St. Nicholas who is a Greek Christian bishop who likes to secretly leave money or presents the poor kids on Christmas Eve is somehow linked as a Santa.  Thanks to Wikipedia! :P

Well, I'm learning more and more as you see :D  And for Sophie & Michelle, we're now celebrating Christmas every year just like everyone else here.  Christmas is such a huge festival and celebration over here for family time, reunion and get-together, just like what Chinese Lunar New Year is for Chinese.

Girls told me that Christmas is one of their favorite holidays.  Perhaps what they really love is presents they got by then I guess, LOL :P

About last night's incident for Sophie's big disappointment (Michelle is easygoing and she was disappointed too but wasn't as bad as her big sister), I was lucky enough to cover it up for my bad.  Am I being such an ignorant mom who didn't take serious for the fact that any kid here is so much concerned of not getting a present from Santa because they don't like to be regarded as bad kids?

Well, I of course got my own excuses just like everyone else.  :P  Sophie even asked me before our trip whether Santa actually exists and Christmas gifts actually come from Santa or from us?  I didn't really say "Yes" or "No" and my answer was really vague.  But I thought she was smart enough to figure the truth out at that early age :P

Anyway, my lucky helper is that they sometimes didn't behave during the trip (Oh, yeah! When they become bored after sitting long hours in the car, I learnt from my experiences that naughty and misbehaved kids are unavoidable :P) so I had to threaten them that Santa might retract his presents to them due to their mischief.

I think Sophie buys it and the same goes to Michelle for breaking iPad during the trip.  Probably that's why she was easier than her big sister last night as she knows her guilt.

Oh, well, I guess that there's always one good thing out of all madness or bad, right?  I just hope that girls will behave better from now on so that they won't be excluded from Santa's list for presents next year :P  At the same time, the lesson learnt for me is that secret presents on Christmas Eve are so important and it's a "must-do" on my list from next year on (until they are old enough to take the truth about Santa) :D

Other than that, we really got a good white Christmas on San Jacinto Mountain until the evening and a family movie time at home after getting back home.  And Sophie ended the night beautifully by playing Christmas Carols on her piano for us (Yes! Her big disappointment didn't last that long.  Thanks God!  :P). And it's holiday too, yeah? :D

Merry Christmas everyone (or perhaps Happy Boxing Day?  :P) and I hope everyone had a nice Christmas too!

If you have a clean soul and no evil wills then you'll have a good life!

While I was getting my tea in the kitchen earlier, I heard the conversation between two of my coworkers about other coworkers pissing them off at times.  Suddenly, one of them pointed to me and said that "She's always so pleasant and it's a big assets."  It's hard to do you know he added.  Well, I'm really flattered for his compliment of course :D

And just earlier, My aunt and I happened to talk about people's "jealousy".  

So, these two points which come onto my mind today becomes this blog post of course.

I'm a big believer that "If you have a clean soul and no evil wills then you'll get a good fate".

However, we as human beings at times deviate from it and misbehaves from time to time.  It's even unavoidable for some religious monks so it's very obvious that it's harder for ordinary human beings like us to practise and stick with it.

A lot of times, "gossips" are very common among us as human beings.  And what's interesting even more is that those gossips are mainly rooted from one's so-called jealousy in my opinion.

It's so easy to cause jealousy to those who aren't doing as good as those who are doing so well or much better than them.  When one in such mode, happiness apparently is out of question.  

And the next thing you know is that they either might trip you and pull you down.  Any mistakes you made or any misfortune you gotwill be monitored by them and you will be their victim under exaggerated bad-fouled gossips before you even know it.  

Basically, those jealous people will celebrate and cheerful for your failures and mistakes.  But you'll be confronted for any of your success and anything better you got than them.  Those are unpleasant things 

 to me really!  I have two "S" words for such unpleasantness: "Sad" first of all and "sick" second of all.  It's just not so unhealthy.

I of course have been victims of those evil wills every now and then. I got so many stories but I guess there's no point to waste everyone time including mine upon them :)

And I have came across a lot of people who only want to regard you as a family, relative or friend when you're doing so well.  If not, you will feel like you don't even exist in their eyes.  It's really disgusting to me!

As I grow older, I don't want to hold any grudges toward anyone who did wrong to me.  I used to feel the growing of heat of those grudges inside me.  It was really hot and burning me every once in a while.  I was merely one of their jealous victims and why would I burn myself for somebody else's faults or wrongdoings?  

When "forget" or "forgive" couldn't be a solution, "neglect" or "ignore" are the resolutions I adopted.  I feel much happier that way.  I just believe those people one day will go to the places where they deserve.  They don't need any of the punishment or revenge from me.

With all those said, I'm not saying that I myself is a perfectionist.  At least, I don't commit those jealousy crimes either physically or verbally :)  I'm still one of the human beings.  Every human has sins and every once in a while none of us is free from such sinful acts. 

However, I usually thrive myself to live up to this motto of my life: "If I have a clean soul and no evil wills then I'll have a good fate". Whenever I feel like I'm falling into the crack, remembering my life motto will keep me back on track.  I think it's really important because it's one of the important factors which make us pleasant and desirable!!!

In the pursuit of alone time

As a kid I used to be really envious of those successful grown ups with super busy schedule for some reasons :)  I still remember that I used to pretend play like I'm a director or an executive who was so busy that she didn't even have time for her lunch or dinner at times. 

Little did I know that Buddha would grant my wish one day, not being a director or an executive but a super busy working mom :P 

As I've already mentioned in several other blogs, struggling between a full-time job and trying to fulfill the housewife and mom role usually leaves me as a very exhausting one who got very little or almost no energy at the end of the day.  I couldn't even remember that there got how many nights that I fall into asleep before girls had fallen asleep while I was putting them asleep. :D

I find out that I'm not alone when other moms shared the exact same thing with me during Thanksgiving party at Michelle's preschool.  Regardless of stay-home moms or working ones, we as moms got the exact same topmost wish list.  Guess what?  It is to have own little personal time at the end of each day of course.

Well, didn't I just mention earlier that I barely got enough energy just to go and sleep by the time those little ones go to bed?  You heard me right.  Then, stretching out the last chunk of energy to its max possibility for the pleasure of one's personal free time aka so-called independence time of mine is the one and only solution as one could imagine of course :P

It was all good until my heavy eyes and tiring body are softly killing me at work the next day.  Then, I would swear to myself that I wouldn't stay up late for the night again but "it depends" is the only promise as good as I could make to myself I guess. 

Why?  Whenever the overwhelming desire for having my own little personal time re-appears, the vow I had made earlier could nowhere be found.  Just like that the same pattern repeats and life goes on... :P

Enjoying tiny little spare time out of exhaust or having fun with tiredness for the lost independence I'm trying to claim or just feeding my minds to quench the thirst of independence or whatever you name it.  It really satisfies one for that time being no matter what payoff I gotta make.  I'm sure that there got so many of us as busy parents in the same boat hear me well. 

Hmmm... I don't think we should be guilty for trying to pursue own spare time and pleasure every once in a while as I do believe that parents need time outs too.  I don't think I have heart to leave him alone with girls for mom getaway for a short break or timeout.  But I could become desperate for the pursuit of alone time at times.  "Desperate mom the alone time seeker" is the title for me?  You name it and I'll take it :P