Life is short: live, love and laugh!

I've never thought that I'm a very patient or a very good-tempered person in general.  People usually think that I'm a gentle girl until they've realized that how I could go rages and could be so fiery in responses to certain intolerable situations and circumstances.  

Recently, I've noticing myself that I could so easily caught into my temper.  Certainly there are a lot going on in my head.  I have to just start working on two urgent and important projects at work and one has a super tight deadline.  Having to work on new projects around the holiday season ain't fun by the way.  There are a thousand of other things running through my brain: all the matters of the girls, house chores, holiday shopping, and so on and on.  I guess only a working mom with the kids could hear me well.  

Alright, back to talking about my rages and temper.  Just today, I was ended up yelling out loud to my girls for quite a couple of times.  I was so mad that I could not properly control myself even though I was aware that I'm doing it in the public.  When I did yell at them, there might have been very few or almost no public in the surrounding.  

Regardless, I weren't able to control myself to just talk to them firmly instead of yelling.  My blood was boiling and my words were transformed into the high pitched yelling.  How many times I've taught them that yelling is not good and why I was yelling in contrary?  When I think about it now, I feel so guilty for being inconsistent for what I've said and what I've behaved.  

Well, they both are so active, playful and mischievous.  So what?  It proves that they are normal and healthy.  No matter how they made me upset or mad or rubbing off my tolerance, I should not end up in such an uncontrolled situation.  He has been showing me read cards by his frowning face whenever I yelled.  But I kept neglecting his face.  I just simply could not calm down.  That's all.

When I recall it and analyze it now, I could not believe that I did that.  Even though I didn't play Angry Birds much, I guess that I'm really in need of Anger Management :P  

Yelling is a killer of the peace mode.  It's the same meaning but the outcome of a subject could well be totally different when you yell vs. when you talk or explain firmly.  Who doesn't like to hear sweet?  At the same time, there's no good for me either.  It boils my blood, make me frown and hide my smiles and laughs for some extensive moments.  Perhaps I have grown some wrinkles on my forehead after all those yellings today :P

The worst is that I'm putting our "Happy Family" on the line every time I do it.  Once or twice could be well forgiven but doing it over and over again may well break the line or rub off all tolerances.  The "Happy Family" is the only most precious thing I got and I could not afford to lose it.

Well, I got to appreciate what I have today and do not get regreted it tomorrow for not treating it well.  Once some of the precious moments are gone they are gone.  We could never get it back.  Kids grow fast and it'll be times for them to leave from us in no time before I'm even realizing it myself.  When I miss them and I want those moments back, I'll be the one with full of regret for not creating most sweet memories out of it.    Take it easy and live the best and the sweetest out of it.  Treasure the loved ones and live a guilt-free, regret-free life!  Life is short.  Live, love and laugh.

Relocation Nightmares

Well, this is not a total shock for me since I’ve more or less expected that it might be the case for us.  It’s just that I wasn’t expecting that it will come to us so soon.  It’s all about timing.  That’s what I’m talking about. 

Okay, it’s really debatable that it’s not really true as I know that it’ll be coming our way ever since he has started hunting for new jobs.  Perhaps it might be more accurate to say that I’m not yet ready to take this shot.  YES!  I haven’t prepared myself to go through it.  And the thing which is holding me back is my resistance of change.

People said that old people tend to resist of change.  That means that it’s the sign of maturity for me? LOL :P 

Alright, aside from kidding, I of course have my own valid reasons for my resistance of change.  First of all, I do really love my job.  My boss is really cool and I feel so happy and comfortable working here.  Secondly, the compelling reason which is as important as the first point is that my home-sweet-home.  We got our brand new house less than 3 years ago.   It’s where my heart is and I always feel so proud to declare it’s our place.  And I’ve constantly put my effort and heart for decorations of it to enhance its look.  Needless to say, how I cherish it and maintain it so well. 

Thirdly, Sophie and Michelle just started their new schools.  They were previously in the same preschools in Davis where he works.  But we had decided that it would be much better and easier to send them to schools in Sacramento.  When he’s not available, it’s always a pain for me to make a big route to get the girls all the way up to Davis.  In addition, Sophie was going to the kindergarten.  And we put so much effort and time to find the best possible school for her.   Similarly, it was so lucky to get a spot right away for Michelle at a hot and popular preschool which is very close to where I work, provided that they always have a long waiting list. 

So, they had just started there for like less than 2 months.  It was so much of coping for Michelle to adjust the new school, teachers, friends and the environment initially.  At the beginning, I could not even really concentrate on my work properly as she cried so hard whenever I left.  She is now doing much better and become gets used to and comfortable with the new school.  It was not an easy process for this school thing of my girls.  But now that they both are getting comfortable and happy with it but we’re leaving there and starting another cycle of going through it again.  Oh no!  This really drives me nuts!

In addition, the accommodation issue became a big headache for us.  Basically, we need to rent a place to stay there at the beginning as we need to get familiarized the area and environment and to get idea of what and where is a good place to buy.  Of course, we need to save more money to be able to buy another house as well.

Consequently, it brings me to the next point of what we gonna do with our current house?  As the real estate market is going downhill, it’s not even an option for us to sell it.  Just like a bunch of other people, we put 20% down payment and there’s no doubt that we had already lost it.  Basically, our house price dropped that much with the current trend of real estate. I know, I know.  Sigh!!! :(

  

With that said, there’s no other way other than renting it out to someone else.  Leaving behind my house alone makes my heart sink already.  Now that we need to let someone stay in there and it’s really such a heartbreaking thing for me.  I keep hearing from people around me saying that how some bad tenants could destroy your house and make it very dirty and old.  That devastated me even more. 

Our situation is like letting someone stay in our nice home-sweet-home and we ourselves rent an apartment which for sure won’t be as good as our house.  Oh, God!   My heart really aches.  Even Sophie told and begged us that she didn’t want to move out of our house.  She added that she didin’t want to stay in an apartment.  Perhaps she had been to an apartment of her friend during her play date when she was in her preschool and she got such impression.   When she told us that she didn’t want to give up playing in our backyard and asked us that who gonna take care of our garden, fruit trees, vegetables, flowers and plants, it made me saddened even more.  Even a five-year old girl is so much attached to our home-sweet-home already.  Why not me, right?

Oh and by the way, we’ve just signed the lease contract of an apartment for our new place just this week.  It’s just almost half of the size of our place.  My head keeps spinning whenever I think of where and how to put all of our stuff in that little apartment.  Well, I should not say that it’s a little apartment for a 1000 sq ft size but it’s just that I have so many stuff.  I thought that we’ve pretty much settled down already and kept buying lots of things and now it’s giving me a headache for storage issue.  Call me whatever you want but I’m such a shoe addict and there got more than 50 pairs of shoes for me.  That alone gives me a headache already.  It makes me recall of this guy who was courting me back then and he said that he liked me a lot but just that he was afraid that he could not afford my shoes.  Perhaps he made the right choice, LOL :P

And what overwhelmed me even more is that what if we could not rent it out?  Then, we keep paying our mortgage and paying the rent of our new apartment at the same time.  It’s like we’re playing doubled for our accommodation and for sure that our pocket will suffer a lot. It's like I'll keep swallowing the worries if we can't rent it out and my heart will sink to see someone lives there if we do.  The bottomline is that I'll suffer from it no matter what.

And my another big concern is about my commute.  I’m so grateful and feel lucky that my boss allows me to work from home most of the days.  But still I need to commute a couple of days to work every week.  It’ll take about almost 2 hours for one way without much traffic.  I dare not even think about how long it gonna take with the traffic.  It’s not that I haven’t commuted such a long distance before.  I’ve done with it before everyday which was about half an hour less than this.  When I think of those days now, I am now so impressed of myself that how I managed to do it everyday back then.  But I feel like I’m done with the long commute.  And it was just a couple of weeks before he got the job offer, I was talking to one of my coworkers here that I would not be able to do it again, provided that my commute to work from home  is less than 10 minutes.  Well, that’s why people say that not to say anything for sure unless one knows it for sure that what’ll be coming up next.  Alright, welcome me back and I’m back to the business now :P

Oh boy!  There’re so many things to cope with and too many aspects to think of in regards to the relocation.  Our apartment hunting was quite adventurous since our top priority was to be able to get a place where Sophie could go to one of the best elementary schools in the area.  When we like the house a lot, the school assigned to it is not good.  When we like the elementary school assigned to it is good, the house is so lousy yet expensive, etc.  It was just so difficult to pick a perfect combination. 

Now that we’ve already confirmed the place to stay and I’m dealing with another drama which is packing of our stuff.  Over these years, one of the things on my list which I hate to do is packing, unpacking and of course the moving.  In Singapore, we didn’t own a place and we kept moving from place to place in the search of a better place to stay.  Perhaps those had made me tired of dealing with moving from place to place. 

Back then, it was only me at the beginning but it became two of us eventually while moving.  But now, it’s four of us and I feel so much stressful about our move for the first time.  I sometimes blame him so hard silently in my mind for his new job.  I perceive that it’s a real culprit.  I complained that we were to stay here, with our combined income we would be able to buy my dream huge house in the area.  One of my ex-coworkers with her husband got a huge house which is so-called “a castle” by us.  They had a very similar background and jobs like us and I’m sure that we would be able to afford the similar house down the road if we are to stay here a bit longer.  The houses over here are much cheaper compared to those in the Bay Area of course. 

Just like that I blamed him silently or complained or accused him openly for all the stresses and headaches I got for these relocation nightmares.  But after I’ve calmed down, I analyzed it and think about these myself and I certainly know that he’s innocent.  And I even feel like I should be happy and cheerful for him for getting a good job in the Bay Area during this economy.  There are tons of people who want to move into the San Francisco Bay Area but do not have a chance.  For us, an opportunity is right before us and I’m so much hesitating to take it.  Perhaps the problem lies in me? 

And the girls deserve all the good opportunities and the better education what the Big City has to offer.  Plus, there’ll be much more job opportunities for me there since we’ll be staying right around the Silicon Valley.  I feel like I’m so pessimistic instead of being optimistic about the move.  I kept thinking about all the downsides but I didn’t try to flip the coin to see the brighter side of it.  And I’m treating myself so poor by living on those miseries. 

My problem was that I realize both ups and downs of this relocation but I’ve decided to move on with this new exciting upcoming opportunity by now and will be flipped myself back into the dark side by then whenever I face the stresses.  I was so grouchy, grumpy and cranky during these past few days and I could even barley recognize myself.  Just like he said, where did my aggressive wife go?

Having said all these, I now have pretty much aired out all the things I’ve been holding onto myself and I feel like it’s such a big relief.  This time, I’ve made up my mind for real that I will not live in my agony for no good reason.  I’m moving on!  I’ll do whatever it takes to make the move seamless since I’ve already decided.  Whatever we gotta do, we gotta do.  I’m just looking forward to all the positive things what this relocation will bring for us.  I’m bringing the aggressive me back.  Keep it up!  Fighting! Fighting!!!!

All In

This morning when I was folding the laundry and arranging my girls' clothes, I found out that there got a couple of shirts which do not fit Michelle well anymore.  Basically, they became smaller for her.  Time flies so fast.  I felt like it was not so long ago she was born but she is now three years old already.   And Sophie is officially a kindergartner now.  

And there is a big difference between a preschooler and a kindergartner.   She definitely is now getting much busier with her studies.  In her preschool, she learnt something every day but it was just learning for fun.  But for now, she needs to take her studies seriously as she is going to have the assessments  of what she has learnt and her progress every five weeks at her kindergarten.  

Being a mom of a kindergartener, I could also feel myself that I'm much busier.   And definitely it's true that I'm loaded with lots of concerns and expectations for her.   I truly believe that a mom plays a very important role for her kids' education and how well they do in their class, especially when they are this young like a kindergartener.  

First of all, both of us believe that giving a good education to our girls is the most important thing for the rest of their lives.  As she could not get admitted to schools in Davis, we had decided to send her to the private school instead of the public school where she has been assigned to.  Due to the budget cut and all sort of crisis going on, the class size becomes bigger in the public school vs. the smaller and a closer supervision in the private school due to its small class size.

 I thought that once Sophie goes to the kindergarten, we could save quite somewhat substantial tuition fee for her so that we could use it to pay off our mortgage faster.  Well, it would not be true for now since she is going to the private school.   In fact, her kindergarten tuition fee is even more expensive than her preschool one.  It was a big decision but we both didn't get regretted.  As long as she's getting a great education, we both feel so ecstatic.  That's all what we're investing her for.  I told myself that I would save money in other perspectives instead.   Or I work harder so that I could make more money to pay it off? :P

Secondly, my mind is fully loaded with lots of concern for her learning.  Recently, I've been doing lots of research for how to teach a kindergartener.    I've checked her school's curriculum and it's well structured and well planned.  However, I still feel that if I would teach her at home as well, it would definitely help her do much better at school.   There are lots of aspects which I need to help her with: writing, reading, spelling, Spanish, math, science, arts, etc. 

My mind is so overwhelmed that I even feel like that I don't really have time to do other stuff.   Working on a full-time job and trying to be a good housewife and a good mom really is not easy indeed.   Spending time and helping them with their studies alone take up most of my available time after work.  At the same time, it makes me realize more that being a good mom is not that easy.  A good mom is the one who is willing to invest all or most her personal times toward her kids.  

Not only the time but also the patience, effort and lots of other things need to be factored in as far as helping with Sophie's studies.   For instance, I was teaching her the spelling of zero through ten right before a week of her kindergarten start.   I know that she has a memory as good as photographic so I'm totally confident that she would master it in no time.  However, while I was teaching her, she really had a difficulty in remembering all of them.  Even to repeat the spelling of what I had just said seemed so difficult for her and she kept messing up with the spelling. 

I know that it was due to her concentration problem and eventually I was so mad at her.  Then I've made up my mind that we both would not stop even she didn't become mastered all those spellings by then.   He even told me that I was so harsh towards her and was using the wrong approach to teach her.

 And she knew that I was mad at her and she was even sweating.  But then guess what?  She magically got them all right not along after I was mad at her.  And I keep testing her spelling all subsequent days and she got everything right.  I know that how she feels so good and proud about herself for it.   Of course, it's needless to say that I feel so good and proud of her as well.  

Last Friday, she showed me all bright shiny colorful bracelets which were awarded to her from her teacher.  She told me that she was doing so well in her class and she was the only one who got all those awards.  Nothing else could make me more ecstatic than her little overjoyed face right at that moment.  Who would not feel so good about their own achievements and the rewards they got?

In addition to that, there are lots of extra-curriculum activities and skills I want her to learn.  I really want her to be a very well-rounded person.  When I was young, there got lots of things I want to do and learn but I was not encouraged and supported by my parents.  For instance, I want to learn how to play the piano and the guitar.  But my parents believed that those were just a waste of time and useless and they never let me learn them.   Now, I realize that learning a piano could stimulate the brain of young kids so it has a good effect for their school studies as well.   And I've sworn to myself that I would let my girls learn any other extra-curriculum skills and activities as long as they are willing to do so.  

Yesterday, during her piano lesson, she seemed to have problems with sitting still on her keyboard stool and focusing on her learning.  As her teacher is my friend, she knows him well so she kept talking to her some other distracting stuff as she seemed fidget with her piano lessons.  I had to scold her often to stay focused.  I used techniques like I didn't let her drink her juice if she didn't do well, etc.  Eventually she was doing alright.   I know that I could be a mean mom sometimes but I hope that she would understand me one day.  All I was doing are for her own good sake.  I really hope that you would understand me one day, my dear!

I think it's really important that parents need to override their kids' preferences from time to time to make them stay on the correct paths.   At this age, they are not quite sure yet what they want to do nor what they are supposed to do nor what are the things they are interested in to do.   I believe that there is no kid who is not fond of playing and thus playing usually outweighs their studies and other things they are supposed to do.  Therefore, parents have to override what they need to do.   

For instance, I was sent to the swimming class when I was a teenager.   I didn't like swimming at that time.  One time, I was forced to push into the deep water by my swim instructor.  As I didn't know how to swim well, I was struggling in the water by drinking so much water.  That awful experience made me even more scared to learn swimming.   Consequently, I didn't manage to get the swim certificate and ended up not knowing how to swim even though I was sent to the swim class by my parents.   But now, I regretted that I didn't learn well at that time and how I wish that I know how to swim!   But it was way too late now!

At that time, my parents sent me to the swim class with my friend who was a few years senior than me and who was also the daughter of my dad's best friend.  Even though I told them that I didn't want to learn the swimming and I'm afraid of the water, they all did was to force me to go to the class with their best friend's daughter.   If they had kept me accompanied or if they had convinced me how important and useful it is to know how to swim, I might have ended up knowing how to swim.    Therefore, it's sometimes important that parents need to understand their kids really well and to override their preferences if it deemed necessary.

I might be so mean, strict, pushy and make you feel unpleasant often.  But I'll do whatever it takes the best for you girls at all cost.  I'm all in.  At this point, you might not understand me what and why I'm doing all these.  However, I really hope and wish that you would see me through and get me right on one day though.

Fear in the Dark

Do you have any part of traumatic memory which you deliberately try to forget it?   I already have the answer of it for myself.  Yes, I do! 

I had those of inauspicious awful nightmares a couple of years ago.  It was so painful that I wish I could completely delete that part of my memory forever.   I’m so scared of recalling it and I try to forget it.  It’s just like throwing something you strongly dislike or unwilling to touch to a corner which is not often visible from oneself.  The stuff is still there but just that one try not to look at and touch it.

If it's a physical object, it would be better since it could be trashed when one does not wish to keep it anymore.  Too bad that memories are not disposable and one might just step onto it from time to time.  The trigger points usually for me are the loneliness in the darkness.  Whenever I feel alone in the quiet darkness, that memory usually comes and haunts me. 

On last Sunday night, those traumas came alive again while we were on the way back home from Yosemite National Park.   While we were driving back home on Highway49, there were hardly no car ahead and behind us except a couple of cars from the opposite lane every now and then.  Both sides of the freeway had almost no residential areas.  The girls were sleeping in the back seats while he was focusing on the driving.  The quietness, darkness and loneliness had suddenly triggered my mind with those traumatic awful memories.  My eyes were gathered with tears in no time and I suddenly felt suffocated.  While swallowing the hardship, I immediately started to digress it by talking to him so that I could drive it away.

I still remember that terrible feeling when I first saw the pictures of you in the hospital during your last days, Mama.  You shrunk almost half size of yourself and all the sufferings you were having were obviously reflected on your face.  Your hazy eyes proved me no doubt that you weren’t at your full consciousness due to those cruel tortures.  Those brown patches on your arms due to the injections and dripping of medication appeared so terrible.  Your full and plump arms were so saggy from shedding drastic weight from your sufferings.  I didn’t have courage to look further whilst my tears broke helplessly.   They were so terrible that it left such a deep impression in my brain. 

And when all those stories which I heard from the youngest uncle were linked with those pictures on my mind, it was beyond words to describe exactly how I felt by then.   Connecting all those dots together were the only clues for me to envision how you would be like in the hospital.  Every time I do it, I felt so traumatized that I wish I could delete that portion and would not have to do it again. 

I still remember the moment when I let you listen to Htoo Eain Tin’s “May May Nay Kaung Lar (Mother, how are you?)” song for one last time via the telephone when you gained your consciousness back.  I was so much devastated by the sadness and all different sort of awful feelings that I felt so blank and felt like not touching the ground.

I felt so regretted for not being able to be by your side during your last days, Mama.   But on the other hand, I’m somehow grateful for not seeing the actual scenes and all your sufferings personally when I think of it now since I do not have the heart to bear to witness all of them.

The memory I have is a beautiful, proud and strong Mama whom I always know of.  This is the image I always have for you on my mind, Mama.   If I were to see the scenes of all of your terrible struggles during your moment, they would definitely disturb and deteriorate my fine memory of you.  I only want to remember the good and happy things but none of those tragic memories, Mama. 

At the same time, since I didn’t see you leave me, it’s sometimes still so hard to accept the fact that you are no longer in this world.  I sometimes till feel like you’re still there, just at a far far away place from me.  I know and I could not deny the truth but sometimes those hallucinations come up to my mind, perhaps just to cure my trauma tentatively I guess. 

As such I try to delusion myself not to go and touch that part of my memory.  As such I become acquainted with the fear of darkness over time, just to avoid that terrible fear in the darkness.

Vacation Fidgets

Our upcoming summer family vacation is within the reach.  I've been looking at the calendar in my cubicle more than once and have been starting to count down every day.   Whenever I think about my vacation, I wish that I could pass the time so quickly so that it'll be my vacation day right away.  I got such vacation fever for every single vacation of mine when they are just right around the corner.   When it's a day or two right before the vacation, it's needless to mention that I'm already in the vacation mode and could not even quite focus on the work.  :P

Well, the thing is that they still are not the beginnings of all those fidgets.  When one is to trace them back, it starts out all the way up from the planning.  Okay, here is how it works.

When something clicks my mind or triggers an opportunity for a vacation location, that's where all it starts.  After discussing and confirming with him about the location, the next step is setting the date and duration of it of course.  Then, depending on where we'll be going and which mode of transportation would be using, I would start looking into and shopping around the options.

Then, most of my lunch times will be used for researching , comparing and shopping around all available options.  There are usually plenty to be arranged: transportation, accommodation and so on.

And it doesn't end there though.   Once they have been set, the next big thing is to do the research about the place and see the places of interest there.  I usually invest days after days for reading and learning about them.

Well, once everything is in order, the fidgets are usually in a bit more controlled.  However, just like now when the vacation is right around the corner, it pokes me up and all the fidgets have been stirred up again until the actual happiest days have come.

This is usually how I look like before going to vacation :D

So, you might think that that will be it for the conclusion of all fidgets.  No, no, no, no!  You'll be absolutely wrong if you ground your thoughts in that way.  The worst fidgets are the ones which come right after the vacation.  Think about your Sunday night blues!  Trust me, the vacation blues are usually worst than them.   

Alright, reasons?  Let me explain how it goes:  for Sunday night blues, it's only for two-days weekend.  But the vacation blues are for at least one week away from the work so they'd better be worse than Sunday blues, agree? :P   Really, those seem to be the roughest days at work ever!   Oh, there I go again!  Just forcing and coping myself to enjoy whatever I'm doing at work.

LOL, This is how it likes after coming back from vacation, :P 

Well, not too bad after a couple of weeks have been passed since I usually get used to with going back to work by then.  Days got improved and better and smoother over time until the planning of the next vacation comes, :P.  

If a vacation is a pebble then me at the work will be the surface of water.    The surface of the water is clam, smooth and intact until a pebble is thrown onto it.  That's how it gets the effects and waves on the surface.  So do my vacation fidgets are.  LOL.  :P

 

Always looking forward to another vacation, :P 

PS: If you are a workaholic who loves your job so much, no offense to you.  Just disregard my blog :)

My Ultimate Retirement Fantasy

I have been seeing a lot of people around me getting retired lately.  Especially almost all of my aunts and uncles here are getting retired.  Well, some of them have already retired and some are planning for one in near future.

That really makes me wonder how one's retired life could be.   And when I see my wealthy Uncle Mike, a retired veteran anesthetist, who is on a frequent vacation traveling across states and countries, I can't help but just envy him.  

A series of thoughts popped on my mind and I start daydreaming about my retirement.  Well, to be exact it should be "we": him and I.   I bet the biggest question to almost everyone for their retirement is that whether one financially sound for it?   Well, both of us are not spendthrift persons and pretty conservative about saving money so I think it wouldn't be a biggie.  

I once saw a movie in which the couple's dream was to be able to retire at their 50s.  I'm not sure I would be really that sensitive and serious about the early retirement.   Well, I don't like being a housewife and staying home idling.  To some, it could an enjoyment and relaxation but I could not take it for a long time.   In contrast, I've seen one of my co-workers who retired at her 70s.  She told me that she could have retired early but she didn't want to sit at home so just decided to come back and keep working.  Well, I'm not sure I want to work until that age either.

Anyway, aside from those reality matters and some uncertainties of what and how it would be for me, the first, foremost and the most important thing would be "to be with him" during my retirement.   That is the number one on my list .  No matter what and how it is, my life won't be complete without him.  We've been busy struggling and taking care of our loved ones throughout our lives.  Life would be so lonely without having a loved one who endured all ins and outs with you by your side .  Especially there would most likely be none but him by my side during the retirement.  The girls will then be all grown up and might as well be settling for their future, career and perhaps their own families.  

Okay, what's next?  Dreams are free so I see myself in a nice vacation house which preferably is very close to the beach and with a huge garden of course.   As he likes doing yard work and gardening, I think it will keep both of us busy.  I will help him grow the veggies, flowers and may be busy taking care and picking fruits from fruit trees.  Really!  Looking at our own garden's products is such an ecstasy. 

I guess another item on my list would be testing and trying new recipes.   Then I will have a total freedom and unlimited time for the cooking and baking.  After making some yummy unhealthy stuff such as cheese cake, I will be sharing it with my friends and neighbors.

And I can sharpen my tailoring and knitting skills by trying out the new catalog patterns provided that God still permits me with good eyes.  I can make the clothes for my grand kids  :P

Oh, yes, traveling of course.   I would love to visit around the globe to the places where I haven't been there yet.   That would really be my ultimate dream.   We prefer self-guided tours and would be roaming around with maps in our hand.   With him, I'm not worrying about getting lost somewhere.  He's a direction guru so what do I care?  

Hmm... I wonder that I would still love shopping by then?  LOL.  :P  For sure I could do shop until drop online shopping.   Let's see he could keep me company if I would still love to do shopping at that point.   He used to be very patient for my shopping until we've got girls.   I often accuse him of becoming an opposite person by giving kiddos is an excuse when my shopping is concerned.   Well, I have to admit that he still let me do it most of the time by taking care of girls if that could not be compared as an equality as before.  Anyway, when we got retired it would be just two of us again so let's see how he reacts for my shopping by then.  :P   That would be so interesting to see an old lady who is still so much into shopping I guess.  LOL. :P

Another cool thing would be that we don't have to kick our lazy butt off from bed during mornings.  We would be able to wake up whatever time we want.  Woah! I like that idea a lot.  Perhaps that would be one of the things I enjoy most by then.   Sipping juice or tea, reading a book or having a conversation with him and having a meal by taking as much time we want at the dining table will be so darling.  Oh my!  I can't wait.  :P

Furthermore, we could enjoy watching TV as much as we want.  I don't even need to bother of being a couch potato or having enough time if I would get addicted to one of those TV series.  All I need is to kill my time, right?  

And we can do a lot of romantic things by then.  :P   Evening strolls will be perfect.  It will not only keep us fit but also make a quality time for us.  All fights or arguments will be excluded and only the love, the care and I'm really looking forward to a quiet and nice days ahead for us.  And we'll find lots of activities to do together and keep us busy.

Sometimes when we need noises, the grand kids would bring them to us.  I don't mind taking care of them.   If the girls are really in need, I would definitely help them to take care them for them.   I think those little noise-makers will make our life green and wet from time to time.  Oh yeah?  There is a possibility that they will drive me nuts as well.  LOL.  :P

Last not least, I can do the blogging almost every day.   Well, as long as something triggers me with ideas for writing of course.

Oh, it's such a fantasy to daydream about one's retired life!  Anyway, it doesn't cost me a penny for any imagination so I could sail my dream to whichever direction I want, right?  Perhaps the only regret by then might be the so-called maturity or aging.  Well, it's a trade-off I guess.   We need to trade it with our youth.   

Speaking of aging, it brings me up for the meditation.  Being a Buddhist, I would be doing a lot of religious things and good deeds for the next life.  It's not like I'll be doing only by then since doing so should be a life-long routine thing.   But it's more like I would be devoting more on doing them by then since I got plenty of time to invest.

And I've seen some of those retired ones around me got depressed over time.  It makes me feel so surprised at the beginning because I don't get it why?  Because their lives have been so busy all along and they become so idle suddenly so they aren't able to cope with them.  Perhaps when I get to that point, I might totally get them.  Or at least I sympathize them.  Or at most I might feel the same. 

Regardless I'm not on the same page with them at this point.  Thus my retirement fantasy goes on and goes on.   The reality is yet to come and I wonder what and how it will be like when it actually comes?

Safety First: Drive Safe and Live Long

This morning I saw a pretty new Toyota Camry whose rear has severely been damaged at the road shoulder on the way to my office.   Woah! The first thing which came up to my mind was that were there any people sitting in the back row and if yes then whether they would be injured or not.   The scene had been cleared when I passed by there and I could only hope that nobody had been seriously injured by that accident. 

At the same time, it brings to my attention that safety is the most important.  As we heavily and mainly depend on our cars for the transportation everyday here, we’re dealing with the freeways almost every workday.  As such driving becomes our second nature just like eating and drinking.  It’s not that I don’t know but sometimes I might tend to forget this very important and essential mindset.

Though, whenever I see a serious accident or hear it via the radio, it always reminds me of the “Safety first” during driving.   More importantly, I have my family waiting at home so I need to get home safe.  Or my family is driving with me so the safety becomes even more important to us.

I often tend to speed up while driving for a couple of different reasons: impatience, being late and in a rush, wanting to get home as soon as possible, and so on.   And my Honda Accord has facilitated me even more with its ability of being able to be accelerated seemingly. 

Once I was on my way home from work, I was speeding like a crazy.   I still remember that it was the last day at work for the long Christmas holiday back then.   As we were be on our family vacation the next day during that holiday, I was rushing and wanted to get back home in no time.   Being in a very relaxed, happy and holiday mood,  I turned on the music in my car so loud.  While enjoying the loud music along with a very nice sunny weather along with the blue sky, I kept taking over one car after another ahead of me.   And I of course was switching lanes quite often via the available spaces to cut across all cars before me.  I noticed that I was speeding nearly 90 mph but who cared? 

Then there was this High Patrol in his car with the activation of the emergency lights signaling me to stop.   With my mind was so blank except thoughts about the vacation tomorrow, I really didn’t notice of it which was chasing me for quite some time.   When I started noticing it via the rear mirror, I saw it stopped at the road shoulder and another cop on the motorcycle with the emergency lights on had started chasing me instead.   Even then I wasn’t sure that they were chasing after me even though I was in doubt a little bit. 

It was my very first time being chased by a cop so don’t laugh at me, okay? :D  With all confusions, I started to decline the speed to stick with 65 or 60 mph but still I didn’t manage to stop by then.   He had been following after me for quite a while and finally I realized that it was for me and then I started to pull over the car to the nearest road shoulder.

Of course, I didn't get a chance to take all these pictures but google helps :P

 Guess what?  I ended up paying nearly $600 for two citations: speeding and failure to stop.  LOL :P  Of course, I was not able to laugh at all by then.  Believe me, it was one of the very embarrassing moments of my life.  And it of course was expensive as well.  That was quite a story, huh? 

Even since, I tried to behave well and better.   However, I still do the speeding from time to time by keeping my eyes on preying any existing cop in the surrounding areas with the full alert.   After a couple of years has been well passed and I have been being lucky so far.  :P

I was still so proud and confident of myself since I have nearly ten-year driving profile and never involved in any accident so far.   I’m always self-assured that I’m very careful and alert whenever I drive.   But it was until my very first yet serious accident during late last year.   Perhaps that over-confident attitude had caused me this accident. 

It happened while I was trying to take over a huge and very long truck which was totally obstructing my view and was blocking my way by going at a very reduced speed.  Out of impatience, I suddenly pulled over my car into the immediate next lane to my right.  

However, little did I expect that there would be another stationery car right ahead of me.  Yep, there was a car which was totally stopped just right before me.   Realizing that I would go and bump into her car and making sure that there were no other cars on my left lane, I immediately maneuvered my car back into my original lane where my truck was.  I did switching lane instead of tapping my brake for dead stop because there was a very short distance between my car and her car; it was most likely that I would go and bump her car in that case.

However, as I was traveling at a very high speed and the sudden maneuver with force to my power steering led my car into the diagonal position which in turn was leading it into the second next line on my left, instead of staying in my original lane where the truck was ahead of me. 

Then, I started immediately turning my steering wheel to my right to stay straight in my original lane.   However, instead of staying straight back to my original lane, it was leading my car diagonally again toward the right lane this time of course.   Then, I started turning my steering wheel to the left again but it started malfunction and it didn’t work.  I tapped on my brake with all force but it didn’t work either.

My guess was that the brake was locked since the car was skidding out of the roadway.   It eventually went and hit to the wall of the road at the right end.   The right corner of the front bumper hit it first.  Then my car started spinning out in 360 degree and the left rear bumper hit against the wall again and it stopped by then; resulting my car against the traffic.

During the whole process while I was trying my best to control my car, I was so calmed.  However, when it came to a complete stop, I was so terrified and shocked for the experience.  My cell flew out of my car’s door pocket and landed on the floor.  As I was overwhelmed by what had just happened, my eyes became blank.  Even though I saw it fell to the ground, I could not manage to grab it with my shaky hands. 

And the first thing which came to my sense right away was that “Thanks God! My husband and my girls were not with me!!!!”   What’s an experience!

That's how my Mazda looks like before accident

And my Mazda was not repairable and drivable anymore.  Well, it could be repaired but just that it was not worth to be repaired as the repair cost would be far beyond reasonable.  I was pretty disabled to commute to work without a car.  He needed to send me off and pick me up for a while we were shopping for a new car.  He needed to make a big round every day as my work is at the opposite direction f his and it was such a waste of his time.

This is how my Mazda looked like after the accident :(

And shopping of a new car is always a stressful process.  It was even more stressful when we only had a very limited time to do so.  I wanted to drive my Mazda for a couple of more years and wasn’t planning to buy a new one at all.  We knew that the car depreciated as soon as we drove it out of the dealership.   Anyway, what was a little better was that we already had an experience for a new car shopping for our Accord, it helped so much for another new car hunting.  Regardless, our pocket and saving was much suffered. 

My new ride (well, I got his car and he got new; he always gets to drive the new one :P)

I have changed my driving nature quite a bit ever since.    Just one little reckless mistake and moment, the whole car was severely damaged.  First of all, I was considered to be lucky in that case as I was not injured at all.  Secondly, the traffic was clear right at that moment, thus no other cars were involved.  Otherwise, I might just end up like hitting to other cars in my way or I might get hit by oncoming car in my way.  I might get seriously injured and even my life could be in danger either way.

Sometimes, the price we paid for the lesson learnt is huge.  Speaking of driving, it could be our own life or those of our loved ones.   Just to reach the destination a couple of minutes earlier, it’s totally not worth to bet or risk with our lives.   It’s always important to keep in mind the “Safety First” rule.  Drive safe and live long!

 A happy owner with his new ride

 Perhaps the happy thing out of my tragical accident was he got to drive a new car :P

A Junkie Me

First of all, don’t take me wrong that I’m a narcotics addict or such.  It simply means here that I’m a fan of all junk mails. :P

Well, we received plenty of junk mails almost every day.  A lot of them are the store Ads and some of them are the discount coupons.   I receive them even more when I go and sign up or subscribe for the Ads and coupons. 

In Singapore, there got such junk paper buyers who often wander around our apartment, so-called HDB.  When Papa and Mama were with us, they sold them to them.  The money received was very minimal but it recycled the paper, cleaned up the space and at least it was better than nothing I guess.  Perhaps that was what Papa might be thinking back then.  If it was him then he might just dump them into the trash right away.

Over here, I keep some of them so that I could use them to lay it under the oil container during the cooking.  I did a lot of Chinese cooking and those papers prevent the oil spill to our granite countertops by absorbing it.

Better yet, the fun part is with those coupons.   When I got a little bit of spare time, I screened them: throw some of them in the recycle bin, keep some of them for the aforementioned purpose.  And of course, those coupons are specially separated out for my use.  :P

That’s how my bag becomes so bulky and it’s what he usually being referred to as a garbage bag.  When you open up my bag, you will see tons of coupons which really contribute to the weight of my bag.  Sometimes, it even make me to think that the hand straps of my Coach bag gonna be broken due to its heavy weight?  If that actually happens then should I complain to Coach or just to myself?  LOL :P When the kids asked me to keep their stuff when we are outing, it’s getting even heavier. 

Anyway, I have to clean them up from time to time to throw those expiry ones.   When I realize by then that some of the really good deals’ deadlines have been passed, I feel so pity that I have just missed the good deals.  :P

He usually points out to me that those coupons are the main killers of our unnecessary budget spending.  I’m really stingy on other perspectives, except the expenses for the girls but whenever there’s a deal, I’m on. 

For instance, when you take a peek at our pantry, you will be amazed to see that it’s all full even though it’s considered to be a large pantry compared to some other houses.  I stock them up whenever I see something is on sales.   He usually jokes with me that we could survive for more than a month in case of a disaster or no opportunity of grocery shopping at all. :P

And it reminds me of how many stuff we have wasted when we were migrating to here from Singapore.   I asked Papa and Mama to bring whatever they like along with them but they could not take much as they had the plenty stuff already.  So, I sold some of them.  And I gave some of them away.   I wish I could have donated the rest of them but it didn’t happen as it was a sudden thing for us to come over here and the schedule was so tight.   Thus, no way but I ended up just throwing most of them away. 

So many shoes and sandals, clothes, some furniture, groceries, some kitchen utensils, bath supplies and at not least some of my stuffed animals.  I just had to leave them there with the owner of our apartment.  I felt so stingy to let them go.  Especially for my huge Winnie-Pooh which is about the size of a 5 year old or even bigger than that.  I saw it during the sales Singapore Expo but didn't manage to get it.  After going back home, I managed to talk with him and he bought it for me from Expo.  We made another trip which actually was a long ride from where we lived back then, just to get it.  Too bad that I could bring it here :(

But probably the good thing out of it might be was that the lesson learned: not to buy a lot and junks next time.

I was pretty good at doing so when we had just got here.  But after years, perhaps the lesson learned might be fading away over time.  And I’m going into the same direction again. 

There is a Burmese saying: "A crooked leg will go crooked over time no matter how you try hard".  Am I proving it to be true? LOL :P

Oh well, at least I now recall it and am trying to refresh my mind with the lesson learned again.  I’m making a vow to myself that I would not be buying unnecessary extras and will stay not to get attracted by those junks, discounts, sales or coupons.   I’ll be saving more money from now on.  It’s never too late to change, yeah?  :P

Home-Sweet-Home

Ever since I was a kid, one of the things which I always wanted is to have a beautiful house in which my happy family would live in.  Yes, it’s so-called “Home-Sweet-Home”.

He fulfilled my dream a couple of years ago.  I was so thrilled that we managed to get a brand new house.  The house buying process was so fun yet it was so stressful as well.  Overall, I would say that it was a fun process and the best part was choosing the design options for our home.  If we were to buy a second hand house then we would not be able to experience it.

 

These teddy bear cups are the ones which I brought all the way from Singapore to here

A nice and comfy couch is a must for our living room :P

My favorite place at home. Nothing is more comfortable and satisfying than wrapping up myself, laying here and enjoying the TV during winter :P

Our home office

One of my favorite spots at home or my weekend workshop for testing new recipes

Sophie enjoying her new bed

Michelle's future bed

Christmas decoration at home

I love designing and decorating the house.   There’re always some projects to do for our home.  I love doing so to our home so far but there still got pending and on-hold decorations.   For instance, I always wanted to decorate the bathroom as one of the most enjoyable places in the house.   As I love perfume and fragrance, I would like to decorate it with some dry and fragrance flower petals.  Also, I want to hang some pictures and paintings.  I want to put a narrow and very tall corner table with the flower vase on top.  Last not least, I want to have a sound system implemented there.   Can you imagine what a pleasant place to be in there with such decorations and arrangements?  But he does not like fragrances so it’s out.  As the girls are still so young, I could not put the flower vase since they might just knocked it down so easily and it gonna be broken into pieces  in no time.  Still, I’m not giving it up yet and it’ll be my future project :P

Retaining walls: design and implemented by him :D

He loves landscaping and D.I.Y projects.   When we got our home, the backyard was so wild and muddy land during the rainy seasons.  He designed the concrete for our backyard.  And he built the retaining walls so that we could grow some plants and veggies there. 

Home grown tomatoes

Home grown eggplants

Home grown strawberries

Home grown sunflower

Home grown green beans and zucchini

Me with home grown zucchini

For this spring, his DIY project was to landscape our front yard.   There is an extra space in our front yard which was previously sprinkled with the barks.  To maximize the space, we’ve been wanting to lay the paver stones there so that our front yard would be much more spacious.   He implemented his idea recently.    Every spring always keeps him busy with the yard work.

And I always love the swing and he setup the swing there.  The girls love them so much as well.   They  were busy taking turn pushing each other and were giggling and laying next to each other on it.  That was so much fun and I was so pleased to see it.   Having a swing at home is my another dream and it has finally been materialized.

And we are thinking to put a small water fountain or a flower pot next to the swing.  More DIY projects will be coming along the way.

One of the best spots to hang out to have BBQ or have breakfast or dinner during summer :D

 
Our home is not very big but it’s just a good size for all four of us.  So does our yard.  Sophie once told us that she wanted a bigger house with a bigger yard.   Who doesn’t want a bigger and a better house?

Yet I still do appreciate what we currently have.  I’m quite satisfied with our home.  Every time we came back from a trip or every time I got home I feel like this is our place.  I always feel so secure and comfortable being at home.  It’s a place where I got all the freedom: I can do and stay whatever way I want.  I don’t have to care and concern about others.  This is the place where we belong. 

 

 

It does not really matter whether it’s a small one or a big one; a grand one or a poor one; it has a bigger yard or a smaller yard; it has a nice decoration or a simple decoration.   Even if it’s a grand palace, if the happiness can nowhere be sought then it’s just so meaningless.  Even if it’s a wall-less hat and with the leaking roof, if it’s overwhelmed by the love it’s the most enjoyable place for the family to stay.

All it matters is having a happy family residing in the house.  That’s what makes our house a home-sweet-home.  Our home is where our hearts are.