(I got this image via Google and the credit goes to its original owner)
My another birthday is just right around the corner. I'm like "Oh, wow! Time flies so fast. Another birthday again??" If you sense that I don't really seem to be so excited about my birthday then you got me!
These days birthdays appear to me as reminders of how the time flies so quick. Perhaps the older I get, the less I'm excited about my birthday. :D
Of course, I used to get excited for birthdays as a kid. I always secretly wished that I could get a big birthday celebration with a pretty frosted cake party when I was a kid. In fact, I never actually get my dream party so it might make me want it more. At the same time, I wanted to advance the years so that I could be a grownup who is settled by graduating the college and landing on a nice job. I simply thought that being a grownup would be pretty cool since no need to study, no need to afraid of adults and also make money and do whatever I would want. Apparently, I wasn't factoring in for the responsibilities a grownup need to bear on their shoulder though:)
Now that being a grownup whom I always wanted to be and getting older each year, my perspective about birthdays have been changed. For the first time in my life, I wondered why people regard that birthdays are so special? Almost everyone of us presumes that birthdays are a special occasion and it's always celebrated with loved ones around. I of course was no exception who always take and celebrate my birthdays as one of the special days of my life. But never really wondered why? Perhaps I was celebrating the Nth anniversary of me being alive in this wild word? :P Or perhaps I'm celebrating for being a human being which really is a rare opportunity to be one? There's a Buddha saying that the opportunity of being a human being is so rare that it was metaphor as the probability of a meeting coincidence of a needle from the heaven which is traveling downward and another one from the earth which is traveling upward. So I was proud to be for being one rare human beings out of billions and celebrating it special on my birthday? :D
But as I think deeper, I realize that my birthday is the day when my mom borne and went through the biggest pain of a woman's life to bring me into this world. So, the special celebration on my birthday should really go to my mom, not myself. Without her, there would not be me. So, this year I don't want any special celebration for me, but for my late mom for her endless gratitude.
Unlike prior birthdays in the past, I don't really have any special wish such as having a big cake and make me feel special this year. The only wish I have is the family get-together and enjoy the time with them. I don't even care anymore I'm eating at home or at an upscale restaurant as long as I'm surrounded by my loved ones. These days I just want to shun material desires and just want to focus on the experiences.
I could feel myself that I'm a lot calmer, and all those excitements, fantasies, aspirations and daydreaming as a youth are fading. If you say that the maturity has changed me then I'll take it. I think I used to be like a raging waves which are full of force and activeness which is so ready to knock any obstacle on its way off during my youth days. At the same time, I was with full of dreams, goals and positive outlooks for my future and my career. Now-a-days, I'm more like a stable and clam ocean surface.
I always wanted to be a very successful business woman but I ended up as as software engineer. I'm not exactly where I wanted to be but I guess I'm okay with what I'm currently doing. I guess that I now have less desires and cravings for pursuing my childhood dreams.
I just want to live and enjoy the present with my loved ones. "Live like we're dying", the lyrics, which I keep hearing recently frequently from radio really hits my heart.
I want to leave my past behind since I don't live there anymore. Of course, the sweet past memories with my loved ones are exceptions though. Plus, the experiences I learnt from it as well.
And I'm not so looking forward to my future either. I'll take one step at a time and let the future awaits for me there. I just want to live a full life, sit and enjoy the present for now. Part of it might be that I'm becoming an anti-aging freak from a person who really wants to advance my age, be a grownup and knows what's ahead of me? LOL :P
I guess that I'm still not as insane as those maniacs in Chinese martial arts movie or series who had crazily risked a lot of people lives for the quest of anti-aging-and-never-grow-old medicine. :P But still who doesn't want to stay young forever? Can someone out there freeze the time for me please? LOL :P
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