Life With Kids

Recently, we watched "Change Up" movie.  It's basically a change up process happened between two good friends: one got a family with kids vs. another being a single guy.  Basically, the single man is envious of a married life with kids and a married man with kids'juties and responsibilities was envious of the freedom of a single man.  After having the change up, they started to experience each other's life.

I can see that where the author is coming from with such base story line.  I bet that thoughts of change up click a lot of parents'mind once in a while.  In this modern society, being parents with a full-time job ain't easy.  I'm one of them so no exception :)

Being a parent put one's life into a totally different perspective.  It makes me discover the other side of me.  At the same time, it makes me learn of how amazing it's to see one's capabilities and tolerance beyond normal boundaries when one is put into the situation.

Barack Obama quoted that being a parent is the toughest job he has ever done.  I couldn't agree more to it.  Being a parent is tough but trying to be a good parent is even tougher.  Entering into a parenthood is chartering one's life into a new chapter.  It's a life-changing event.  From he and me to we, he and me. Yes!  It's WE. There's a third or fourth little addition(s) to the family.  I, myself, my ego, my selfishness became a thing in the past.  It's about promoting of myself into a parent role and stepping down of myself from my personal preferences and priorities.  Our own priorities automatically go to the back seat and they become our priorities literally.

I have to admit that I weren't really prepared initially.  Therefore, my road to parenthood was quite bumpy at the beginning.  It was like learn and cope as I go.  There were lots of adjustments at the beginning.  I had then encountered those contradictions where a mom's natural instincts of sacrifices and love for her own baby collides with those of her little ego and selfishness which became surfaced up every once in a while. Those were so-called challenges I'd to deal with by then.

The process of transforming into a mature good mother from a spoiled little brat by her parents and her husband was quite a bit of a learning process.  However, a mom's natural instincts and love to her own kids has shaped me into a selfless me over time.

Having Hyperemesis Gravidarum during both of my pregnancies had made me started to realize of what it takes to be a mom.  Life has never been the same since then.  Everything becomes not just about myself and I always need to factor in for those little ones of mine.

Sleepless nights were just another beginnings. It ain't really easy for someone like me who got pretty annoyed for being disturbed during the sleep.  I had learnt to sleep when my little ones fell into asleep and to wake up them they were up.  No more sleeping until getting past the lunch time during weekends.  No more instances of staying up all night like before.  Well, no one stops me from it but go suffer it the next day if I dare to do so.  As I need to be up to take care of the girls the next morning so such privilege of doing so got literally and automatically revoked :P

I used to be very particular and sensitive for certain perspectives.  For instance, I would puke up and stopped eating for bringing up any poop or pee during my meal.  But changing my baby's diaper and cleaning her up had made me a whole new me.  Oh and yes, there got countless times I got to do it right in the middle of my meal. And even until now, girls wanted and needed to go to the restroom right during my meal at the restaurant so I gotta keep them company and clean them up as and when necessary.  And I can't even remember how many times that I gotta clean up their messes after throwing up.

Speaking of priorities, they are our number#1 priority for almost every prespective.  An example being, picking a restaurant?  Yeah, we always end up going wherever they wish to eat.  Weekend getaway or family vacation spot?  It leaves us with only very limited options considering for kid-friendly places.  I always used to picture myself cruising around Europe with him but it now becomes a thing in the future.  Yep, someday, one day when kids grow up.  It becomes a thing in far future.  How could we make an enjoyable vacation to there with cranky, grouchy little ones who couldn't really walk for a long time.  And most of all, they wouldn't even enjoy what they're seeing or experiencing anyway so what's the point?

As you can see, being in a motherhood had shaped me a different person: a better, more efficient and disciplined one I guess :P.  And when I want to discipline the girls, I'd better set myself as a good example, right?  And I got gradually separated from most (if not all :P.  But I still procrastinate whenever I get a chance though, LOL :P) of the procrastinations and draggings stuff.  Becoming a multi-tasker is another plus I would say.  It's all about changing my life styles.

Most of my spare time is now devoted for them.  I'm giving up well more than half of time upon them instead of keeping it for myself.  Other than doing house chores, my daily duties now include helping Sophie with her school lessons, homework, piano lesson, etc.  And most of my Saturday is gone by keeping girls company for the classes they want to go such as ice skating, piano, arts, etc.  Recently, Sophie got swim classes so I go to work early so that I could get it off early and bring her to her swim lessons on time.  My daily schedule starts from 6:30am in the mornings til 10:30pm (at least if not later).

I used to feel so tired and not feeling like doing anything once I got home from work.  But now I could stretch my day longer after a long day.  It's so amazing to learn of myself that things which I thought I wouldn't be able to do could be achieved.  It's also not surprising that I now become incredibly more patient person than before.

Parenthood has changed me in so many ways.  It made me explore the other side of me.  On one hand, I discover a whole new me.  On the other hand, it made me understand my parents' love and sacrifices for me even more.  I understand their gratitude, love and sacrifices before.  But after I've put into the situation, it became crystal clear and made me understand deeper.  It's not just that I know it, it becomes that I've been there.

And I have come to realize that I'm going on a different path from my friends who are still singles.  Being singles, it is all about oneself and everything is centered around oneself.  After getting married, it becomes about "two" persons.  Compromises and adjustments to each other's life styles, personalities and habits are starting to get taking place.  Being a parenthood has even further refined one's life greatly.  Technically, transformation of oneself from the self-centered me to a selfless me.  It's a huge deviation from a single's life.

I used to be envious of my single friends' lives.  Guess that I basically mourn the lost freedom of mine by seeing their carefree lives where they could do anything they want without having to take into consideration of anything.  But it didn't last long and I felt guilty for my selfishness as a parent on the other hand.  My parents did all those for me before and it's now my turn.  I feel so embarrassed just to think of those of my selfishness. 

I'm bringing up the lives of two little persons which are my own blood.  It's no doubt a lot of work and involve countless sacrifices.  As a full-time working mom, I'm very tired and exhausted most of dthe time at the end of the day.  Keeping up with those energetic little ones is not easy indeed.  But guess what?  First of all, I love them so much.  Second of all, those cute sweet little girls naturally master the skills to make me pleased.  I am blown away by their loving kisses and hugs, sweet words and cute gestures.  Michelle often comes to him or me and tell us like "Mama/Papa, you're my favorite!" and starts kissing all over my face. Sophie will bring me a glass of water or climb on me with  her worries and concerns when I get sick. 

A lot of the times, they make me laugh and they are capable of making my tiredness and unhappiness evaporated in no time.  With them, I never feel lonely.  Every night when I put them asleep and when they grab my hands from each side and fall into asleep, I feel so blessed and loved.  Staring at those two little innocent faces make me forget everything (including the tiredness) but love.

Now, I'm not even used to with my life without having them around.  When I'm away from them, I feel so empty and just could not get used to with unusual quietness.  I miss those noises.  They drive me nuts from time to time.  They make me exhausted always.  But happiness and ecstasy they give us well surpass them.  I guess that's what it takes to have the good spices of life and that's what makes our life so colorful.  My life has drastically changed ever since I got them.   It's so rewarding at the end of the day though.  Simply put, no matter what it's just so worth it.  Life with kids, it's so priceless!

Happy Mother's Day

~ For the hand that rocks the cradle
  Is the hand that rules the world ~

This is what I often recited as a young kid. 

When Sophie and Michelle each presented me with an invitation from their preschool for Mother's Day celebration by saying "Mommy, you need to be there, okay?", there was absolutely nothing which stopped me from saying no of course.  How could I resist those two little sweet faces with big expectations and eagerness on them?

It's such a cute tradition of their preschool which holds Mother's Day tea party every year.  It was Sophie's third time celebration with me but was the first time for Michelle. 

I was grateful that my boss had no objection for leaving early to make there at 3:30pm.  Almost all moms came and it was such a nice and enjoyable moments to spend time with own kids and also to mingle with other moms and kids pairs. 

Sophie told me that it was "mommy and me" which she drew on her card

Both of Sophie and Michelle were so excited to share with me for the arts and crafts work they had done for me.  They each had a card for me and they were simply just so lovely. 

And on Mother's Day morning which fell on last Sunday, Sophie rushed to me in the morning as soon as she woke up.  She wished "Happy Mother's Day!" to me along with the kisses and hugs.  Michelle usually is a copycat of her big sister and she did the same.  Oh, my!  How sweet and ecstatic moment of my life! 

All I know is that love and happiness is in the air.  And it had made me forgotten everything: from the unusual heavy and serious morning sickness (in fact, it was the whole day sickness for me and I could not consume anything including water during the first few months of my pregnancy) to the labor pain during the moment while they were struggling to appear first time into this world along with countless sleepless nights and sacrifices for them.  They all mean nothing to me. 

I love being mom and it makes me feel like everything I've done for them is so worth it.  It's such a rewarding experience to be a mom.

My whole heart is filled with love yet one half is filled with joy and the other half is with sadness when I think about my late mom with whom I would never get a chance to celebrate Mother's Day again.

Thank you so much for all your love, patience, time, sacrifices and every single thing which you had done for me, Mama.  Without you, there is no me.  This might be my Nth time of saying this to you but I mean it with all my heart. 

Happy Mother's Day to you, Mama and every single mom in the world who indeed are the biggest and one of the noblest heroes of all!

Live like we're dying

'What is the human being's funniest characteristic?'

We are in such a hurry to grow up, and then we long for our lost childhood.
We make ourselves ill earning money, and then spend all our money on getting well again.
We think so much about the future that we neglect the present, and thus experience neither the present nor the future.
We live as if we were never going to die, and die as if we had never lived.'

By Paulo Coehlo

As soon as I've come across this quote, it falls right into my favorite list instantly.  That exactly reflects us as human beings.  So well said and it's never more true than it is.

Almost every day, our lives are so busy like a bee and we're rushing and it's which makes us ignore to enjoy what we have. We worry too much and the stresses we got make us feel unhappy.  The more I read those lines, the more they make sense to me.  In addition, its underlying meanings are in align with Buddha's teaching as well.

How many of us got time to enjoy the natural beauty surrounding us?  Those wild colorful flowers, spectular canyon view, beautiful blue sky on fine days, pleasnt bird chirping, etc.


The swing set up in our patio is perfect to kill a part of my available time, probably with a cup of tea and a book.  But the truth is that I just happen to sit briefly on it during last night after all these months passed by.

And I used to bring stresses or unhappiness at work to home.  Then I learnt that what's the point?  Left those unhealthy situations at work behind you once one has gotten out of it.  And don't let it spoil the time with your family. I know, I know. It's easier to say than get it done practically.  For sure, there gonna be some pebble effects of it but don't make it a big impact on your personal life.  What I've learnt about another upside of doing so?  Not being confused and stressed will get me resolved it better the next day.

To me, what this quote is teaching is that:
1) about the appreciation of what we currently have and feel it everyday
2) experience and enjoy what is right before you, worry less and reduce stress and live the life to the fullest

I'm sure that everyone could turn it into their own interpretations and those simply are just mine.  Bottom line to me is that live like we're dying or live like there's no tomorrow.  In other words, if one is dying, he or she will try to appreciate and enjoy every single thing he is getting. Don't you think?

Everything all makes sense.  But the most difficult thing is to practise them.  It's always easier to have it said than to have it done or practised.  How many things in our lives which make absolutely sense?  But a lot of times, what do we do?  Our perception and application might not necessarily fall into the same bucket.  How many of us know our bad habits but can't live without them?  :P

I think that taking the first step is always most difficult.  After taking a first initiative, following subsequently doesn't seem to be that difficult.  We just need to embrace the first step.  Those lines really hit me.  BOOM and my revelation followed.  I'm on.  Are you with me as well?

Save energy within ourselves

Each of us is naturally supplied with a certain amount of energy everyday. The amount of energy we got declines as we grow older though. I used to hear it from my mom who always mourned me of missing her youth days where she was much more energetic and her throughput were at peak. And my aunts, uncles and other elderly also repeat me almost the same thing. It'll take me a while to absolutely get and experience what they meant.

But for sure, I know that I sometimes could not keep up with my little ones at home. How envious I'm of their energies!!!! Most of the times, they always seem to be at a full charge. They could be hype-rs for the whole day which sometimes make me wonder where they got all those energies. I'm really amazed by that.

After getting off from a full time job, keeping up with my energetic little ones sometimes could be tough.

 I've learnt how to use my energy efficiently and sparingly over time. Here are a few of my energy saving tips:

 1) Eat and sleep well. Well, I guess that it's even pointless to mention it here. Who doesn't know it? :P But it's one of the essential and fundamental facts we could not overlook so I'll just go ahead and mention it here anyway. But the truth is that we don't stick on our schedule or regular sleep hour sometimes. At least, it's true for me. A lot of fun activities around us are keeping us to hit bed on time. Surfing net? watching our favorite TV series or movie? Or perhaps some night fun activities? You name it. I bet a lot of us stay up late every once in a while for one reason to another. Then, we will only suffer the next day at work. But guess what? Those sufferings are easily overlooked and we tend to repeat it again. Didn't we? :P

2) I usually try to tackle the most difficult or critical issues at work when I'm most energetic. Mornings work best for me. The same holds true for the activities at home as well. Again, this ain't really anything new, huh? :P But let me share this with you. I used to do checking my emails, responding to family and friends, facebooking, etc as the first things in the morning. Then, I switched to working on whatever I'm supposed to do and get done as the first things in the morning and the result are much improved and my throughput is much higher too.

3) Don't get small things get in my way. I try not to waste my energies on them. I think this really is a good one though. A lot of times, when we get mad to something or someone, it uses up lots of our energies. I've learnt that practicing the anger control or management will save my energies tremendously. More importantly, I don't usually let some little things or frustrations bother me.

One of my coworkers at work is really sensitive. Everyday she comes and complains me for any small little things and she got upset, frustrated, stressed or even mad at times. I realize she could have used her energies more efficiently by ignoring those and focusing on the work done or issues fixed and make the customers happy.

And when I'm exhausted, I always tend to get frustrated and mad. When I think about it, it was just making me to use up the last bits of my energies and more tired and exhausted. But guess what? Most of us know what our bad habits are but just that we couldn't get away ourselves that easily from them.

And also, here is another important and useful tip which I had learnt from my hubby: whenever there got some issues no matter how critical or how minor they are, he never tried to pinpoint, get mad or blame who, why, what, etc. Instead, he looked calm and was always ready with how quickly to fix or address them. He did really make me admire him for that perspective of using our energies in the constructive ways. Nobody's energies are wasted: being mad (by blamer) and being sad or frustrated (by getting blamed). Instead they were diverted to work on the fixes as quickly as possible. I absolutely think this really makes sense.

 4) Try to set a limit or timeout on any of my leisure activities. If I don't limit myself, it'll just keep going on and on and on. For instance, when I play a game, I usually told myself that I would stop after this game. But the truth is I kept myself going one after another. With so much eager to get a better score, I excused myself one time after another and just kept going. Yeah, you got me right there! What I got in return of it was that tiredness or exhaustiveness. And most of the times, it always make me feel regretted for not using my tiny little spare time more efficiently instead of wasting time on such activities. Oh well... :P

5) Meditation!  I haven't done it for quite a while but I know that it helps.   It usually makes me calm and gets me a better concentration or focus.  It's like an energy replenisher to me :)

These are small little things and everyone knows about them. But most of us really love ourselves and hate restraining ourselves from something. Keeping up with them requires us to do some restrictions to ourselves and that's where the problem lies. Guess that those are the roots of our bad habits are.

As a full-time working mom, I gotta keep up with my schedule. So, those really help me to make my energies go extra miles even though each of the pointer doesn't seem like a big deal to be mentioned here. Save those precious energies and use them positively and efficiently. And the result doesn't disappoint me. So save energy, stay green and happy everyone! :D

 

"Energy, not time, is our most precious resource" (Loehr and Schwartz) 

“Enthusiasm finds the opportunities and energy makes the most of them” (Henry S. Haskins)  

Home Away From Home

Ten years ago today, there was a girl who left her mother land in the hope of fulfilling her life dreams when the military government in her mother land had blocked every possible opportunities of all youths there to pursue their lives as per their dreams.  It's hard to believe but she had never been exposed to the internet in practice as a computer science university student.  The political and practical situations in her country had left her no choice but left to abroad. 

It was her first time ever staying apart from her family in her whole life.  It was an exciting moments for her as she would be able to pursue her dreams as she wished but she wasn't happy at all.  Why? Her parents would be badly missed.  And she didn't want to leave her home if possible.  She really got overwhelmed with anxiety, nervousness, fear and feeling of uncertainty.  On that night of leaving abroad, she couldn't sleep at all.  She tossed and turned and her pillow was almost soaked with tears.  She finally went to her parents' bed and found out that her mom was also crying there all along as well.  She snuggled into her mom's bosom and they both passed the night just like that. 

On her way to the place where she would be staying in Singapore from Changi airport, she first experienced the city.  She heard that Singapore was such a nice, clean and beautiful city. However, the city before her current eyes didn't seem anything special.  Apparently, she still got overwhelmed by her homesickness and other feelings. Home is where her heart was.  No matter what, her home appeared as the most desirable place on earth for her.

That little dark quiet corner of the staircase at the university where she was pursuing her degree was her hideout place to let her homesick tears out silently without letting others knew.  

The first time she tasted KFC in Singapore, how badly she had wished that her parents could taste those delicious fried chicken as well.  The fried chicken was one of her parents' favorites. They used to go to Tokyo fried chicken back home.  She thought that the fried chicken from KFC was the most delicious fried chicken so far she tasted in her life and she wanted her parents to have them as well.  How badly she wished that whatever good stuff she experienced, she wanted her parents to experience them as well.  She made a bow to herself that she would definitely make that happen to her parents one day. 

Time passed and she graduated.  There got an economy crisis back then and a lot of her friends could not land a job.  However, she was lucky and got a job offer right before her graduation.   She was so happy and was able to sponsor her Dad to visit her before she had started working.   She even thought that God was helping her so that her dream of taking care of her parents could come true.

Alongside, she met her soul mate and they fell in love.  For the first time in her life, she fell in love truly, deeply and madly.   Her mom wanted them to get married sooner as she wanted someone to take care of her daughter while she couldn't be at her side all along.  Then, her big day had come!

When her mom and dad actually came over to attend her wedding, her full excitements for being able to meet them again was blown away.  Her mom whom she was seeing before her eyes appeared much different: much skinnier, more wrinkles and looked so depressed and older.  She was so overwhelmed with different thoughts.  What happened?  It was a few months ago she saw her as both of her parents visited her. And her mom looked so much different now.  That night, she cried helplessly at the dark corner of the bath tub while her mom fell asleep.   She felt so powerless and helpless.

Her husband was so supportive as well and they decided to give the treatment to her mom in Singapore.   Again, she felt so lucky to have him as things could turn out differently if he wasn’t supportive to her.  It was the longest time she had her parents with her.  She did really enjoy and appreciate those days.   Some of the days with her mom turned out to be rocky as she got a big depression during her treatment. 

At the same time, it was a big cope for her parents as well.  Cultural differences, language barriers, changing different lifestyles and lack of social activities with family and friends back home, they weren't happy at all abroad.  Most of the time, they felt like going back home.   It had made her started to realize that her plan of keeping them with her abroad might be an issue down the road.  But she wanted to insist her idea and thought that she might be able to find a way to keep them happy.

Life gave her another unexpected twist.  He got a job offer from US so they had to migrate there.  Pursuing American Dream was what she wanted all along but when it actually came, her parents were holding her back.  She would never forget those of her parents' looks.  It was on the train in Singapore.  Here were her dad's words: "Daughter, you gotta do what you gotta do.  Just pursue the opportunities available to you for the best interest of you and your family.  We'll be happy as long as you have a good life.  We don't want to hold you back and don't let it be the reason!"  Even though they tried to smile, she could sense those tears gathered in their eyes.  Those words really hit her heart so badly.  Endless sacrifices and loves of parents! 

She was expecting their first child with her husband.  She got hyperemesis gravidarum and he couldn't leave her behind.  Little did she know that it was her last time seeing her parents while sending them off at Changi airport.  She will always remember that look of her mom for the rest of her life.  Before setting a foot toward immigration, her mom turned her neck with teary eyes.  That heavily emotional and touchy look broke her heart.  Again, she silently sworn to herself that she would let them out of the country and explore a better life in US.

Sometimes, life could be cruel and she got a huge blow from the unexpected corner.   All of sudden she learnt that her mom got hospitalized.  Things happened so quickly and she lost her mom just like that.  She didn’t even get a chance to go back to be by her mom’s side for one last time. 

What was even more tragic was that she lost her dad again exactly two and a half months later of her mom’s passing.   Her mom and dad attached to each other so much and he felt so left out and broke down when she was gone.  She was still in the midst of preparing the paperwork for him to come over.   Just then he was gone again.  

Those were the darkest days of her life.  She hated herself so much.  They loved and sacrificed for her all their lives but there was very little or nothing she could return.  Being so ambitious for taking care of her parents by giving them a good life for the rest of their lives were sounded like building it by sand.  Her dreams for them were just like a sand castle where everything collapsed and was gone by the wind when it blew.  All broken into invisible pieces and scattered all over the place. 

When she doesn't know whom to be blamed, she just hates herself so much.  Should she blame for the fact that she had to come abroad?  Should she blame US embassy for rejecting her parents' visa which made her not to even see again after coming to the States?  Or shouldn't she blame to the ruthless military junta of her country who forced her to come out of the country?

Her life had been on the roller coaster for the past decades: lots of ups and downs, twists and turns, excitements and thrills at one point but horrors and freights at another.  She had been through the darkest days of her life but got the brightest ones as well along the way.  She lost two most important and precious persons of her life but she gained three back. It had been quite a journey! Overall, life is good but it could have been better with her parents around. Her ten-year diary is full of bittersweet memories. Home.....Away.....From.....home!

 

 

Happy July 4th!!

Getting to a new place is all about explorations of it to me.  I decided to be at DelMar Fairgrounds for this year's July 4th.  During the past few years, there always got BBQ party at my cousin's place.  July 4th was all about food, fun and fireworks, yeah?

Why fairgrounds while there got a couple of other places in San Diego for fireworks?  Well, it was the last day of Fairgrounds.  And it's close to where I live, plus I managed to get unlimited admission tickets to it so why not? :P

Needless to say, it was overcrowded.  It was our second time there so we skipped the fun rides for the kids this time.  Of course, the girls weren't so happy about it.  Especially Sophie who was so bold and took lots of thrill rides during last visit.  She wanted more.

Raging waves: one of the crazy rides Sophie enjoyed.  It was crazily fast while making rounds and rounds.  I got dizzy even just watching them

From Michael Jackson's Neverland's swinger.  It was crazily high and swinging around but Sophie loved it

Poor unhappy Michelle who didn't meet the minimum height requirements and couldn't take any ride

I'm glad that we took a shuttle bus to there. It not only saves big bucks for parking but also saves time.  Just sit back and relax the ride without having to worry anything about the traffic.  And girls really enjoyed it since they didn't have to sit in the car seats :P

If you are adventurous and want to check out some fascinating food which you couldn't easily get outside, this is the place to go.  Deep fried snickers, chocolate covered bacon, Butter Beer, Deep fried Cereal, Deep Fried Avocado, Deep Fried PB& J, Turkey legs, and so on.  Even those food available outside were presented very unusual way.  One foot long corn dog, nearly a foot high funnel cakes, etc.  Either it would be a combination you've never thought of or a bizarre presentation you wouldn't commonly see outside.  I checked a turkey leg out and it was awesome.  Girls loved it too.  We chowed down but he didn't as he didn't particularly like the smoked flavor of it.

Turkey Leg.  Huge, huh?

A lot of people were swaying with the music from the free live concert.  We managed to get a seat on the 3rd floor.  I loved "Hotel California" out of all songs they did. 9 o' clock was the time for the fireworks display.  Girls were so excited.  But Michelle got a bit scared later on due to the loud noises triggered by the fireworks.  Watching fireworks has never been boring to me.  What's more this time was that there got all different shapes displays from the fireworks: happy faces, fishes, stars, even the Saturn.   Woah!  Amazing!  

 
Happy Birthday America!!