A Virtual Part of Me

It's not really surprising to learn that how smartphones are changing the world and our lives.  When I was on the train, I noticed that 90% of people around me were using smartphones.  About 70% of it were iPhones.  I was on the train to San Francisco for a couple of times.  Every time I might see different faces but the fact that the majority of people were using smartphones always held true. It's even hard to spot people who are using non-smart phones now-a-day.  It's not even surprising to me anymore that a lot of elderly people are using smart phones, especially iPhone due to its intuitive functions and usage I guess.  Who says old people are resist to change?  Smart phones are proving them to be wrong? :P

Speaking of my experiences, a smart phone has drastically changed my life.  It's like my virtual secretary.  Or an electronic Personal Data Assistant (PDA)?  With it, internet is just at the tip of my fingers.  Get lost and need directions?  Google Maps and other GPS applications are right there to help me anytime.  Checking weather and stocks are so handy.  Oh yeah, time and world clock!  I don't even remember that I haven't worn my watches for how many years.  And if I want to talk with my uncle in Burma, all I need is to check the world clock to make sure that I'm making a call him at the appropriate time. 

Utilities such as calculator, torchlight, to-do-list are all in there as well.  Not sure how long but I don't bother to remember all my appointments anymore.  Literally I don't know any of them on top of my head.  Reasons?  They all are marked and sitting in phone's calendar.  When it's getting closer, the reminders I set gonna reminds me for every single schedule or appointment.  So why worries? 

Needs entertainment? No more carrying of a separate mp3 anymore.  iPod is just sitting in right there.  As a matter of fact, my 32GB iPod is just sitting itself on the charging center most of the time.  As my phone has an integrated iPod so why bother carrying two separate items?  What's even cooler is when my phone iPod gets connected to Bluetooth of our car, we can enjoy our favorite music at the quality of the car's amplifier speaker.  Poor DVDs or CDs are just sitting at the corner and hardly ever got picked them up these days.  Sorry! :(

Want radio?  Breaking and top headlines news?  Gossips?  Netflix?  You name it.  Oh wait!  Can't forget about games.  People of all ages can't get away from it.  Even my girls love to play some educational games.  And they prefer to watch kid video clips on iPad over Nickelodeon Jr on TV for some reasons.  iPad is the hottest gadget at home now.  Once we get home, everyone wants to use it.  Even the laptops are not much in favor now for daily surfing of the internet. 

And yes, camera and video?  In case I forgot to grab my camera on the go, it didn't even bother me anymore. When one can take high definition pictures and video clips easily via the phone, no more complaints anymore of course. 

No more paper newspaper or magazines.  And not even hard copy books.  Thanks to the electronic versions which could easily be carried in your phone without any extra weight and space . 

And it doesn't even stop there.  All the deals and coupons are so handy.  A lot of times, my friends asked me how I managed to find good deals as a busy working mom?  No secret of course.  It's so convenient that those deal sites like Groupons could easily be browsed at my fingertip during those tiny little spare times I could get :P  What's even cooler is that no more pouts or regrets for not printing any coupon out of one's forgetfulness.  Forgot?  No problem!  Just show the coupon bar code in your phone and they could scan it from there.  What's a fascinating technology era!!

And I must add about this personal trainer software as well.  It tells me how many calories I broke during my exercise.  It'll advise me whether I'm doing good or on track, etc.  Literally, without setting a foot in the gym, one can stay fit and healthy economically of course.  It saves me $$$ from they gym membership or the actual personal trainer :P

Possibilities are just endless.  My phone is the electronic versioned of my small little all-in-one.  It's so much amazing that it's drastically changing my lifestyles.  Without even knowing myself, it's becoming a part of me.  I feel so naked without it.  When I'm in one of those rare areas where the reception is poor or no coverage, I feel so strained and screwed.  I feel like I'm a living disabled person who got disconnected from the world.   

I could not even imagine how gadgets would gonna evolve ten years from now.  Now, they had already shaped our daily lifestyles.  And with more and more advanced technology, it will change and aid our daily activities even more.  I feel that they will be more influential to our lives and would become one of the integral parts of our lives for which they already did even now.  The only bummer might be the "cost".  Hopefully it'll gradually drop and make them much more affordable for everyone.  I often wonder to have a little robot as my house maid which will be sharing the workload of my house chores.  Let the innovation evolve and keep them rocking and rolling!!

Happy Birthday, Auntie Suu!

She's the only ray of hope for our country (Burma) and our people.

She's the most inspirational one who consistently shows us her devotation, perseverance and "never give up" attitude.

She's the first one who shed the light of Democracy to our country.

She's an exceptional one who selflessly sacrifices her family over the country she loves where ordinary people like us couldn't do.

She's the first Burmese lady ever to win a Nobel prize.

She indeed is an EXTRAORDINARY Lady.

She's our leader, our idol, our hope and our pride.

Happy Birthday, Auntie Suu!  We love and support you forever!

Monday Blues

Getting back to work on Mondays has never been harder for me.  The same repetitive thoughts has countlessly triggered my mind: "Two-day weekend is not really enough!"  Guess that I'm in infinite loop about those thoughts! :P  (Oops, excuse me about my software programming technical jargon :D)

Trying to be back on routine during Monday mornings seems to be like the hardest thing to cope with.  Out of all alarm sounds, the one which usually rings on Monday mornings seem to be the loudest.  Trying to push my lazy butt off the bed again around 7am appears to be really hard, especially one can stay in the bed until 9am or 10am during weekends.  Yeah, yeah, 2-day is a good amount of time to get one spoiled.

Thanks God that Sophie's kindergarten was just over.  That means, we don't need to send her to school on or before 8am.  And I got enough buffer to get to work late.  Otherwise, it'll be one of those stormy messy struggles to get her to the school on time.

Staying back late for Chinese drama series and baking and making some desserts are coming back to me now.  The payoff is the lazy dozing eyes before my monitor.  Even my regular motivator which is a cup of my morning coffee didn't seem to help a lot today. 

Doing research and reading tons of materials for my new project are just helping to make my eyes even heavier.  All I see is so many texts and paragraphs right before my eyes and they tend to get blurry from time to time.  Arrrr!!!! What's a dragging day! 

My new week's outlook is getting to Friday again, what do you think? LOL :P  Awww!!!  Monday Blues!

Happy Father's Day!

Courtesy of Google

A lot of times, I feel that dads are overshadowed by moms.  Most of the times, many media focus or emphasizes on a mom's gratitude and her sacrifices for her children and her family.  There definitely got countless highlights of media on a dad's gratitude as well.  But I bet that the ones for moms surpass the ones for dads.

One of the reasons might be that a mom has to bear more hardship for her children starting from the point of pregnancy where a dad doesn't have to.  Furthermore, women are meant to take care of her family whereas men are meant to support his family.  That was especially true during old days where a mom's role is to take care and keep well of her children and husband and the house whereby a dad works to make money to support the family.  However, I have to say though that this definitely is fading away nowadays even though some cultures are still practicing this.

Even a man and a woman are to put equally, a woman's nature still makes her to take well care of her brood whereas a man's nature makes him not a very good caretaker compared to a mom.  When it comes to taking care of her kids, a mom simply couldn't help.  Even the female animals solidly proves for it. 

Whereas most of the men do not like to take those hassles of taking care of their kids.  They just naturally do not seem to fit well for doing that.  The responsibilities they got to bear for their families make them emphasize more on the financial outlook to meet the needs of food, clothing and accommodation of families.  And they leave the rest responsibilities to their female counterparts who naturally seem to fit more for the roles.  Well, a lot of dads these days share the half of those responsibilities of their kids but still moms naturally are willing to sacrifice and take care more for kids.  Then, a lot of times kids are closer to their moms than dads because they simply spend more time with moms than dads.  And that probably gets us to the point where dads are usually overshadowed by moms.

However, just because a dad doesn't or couldn't spend as much as time a mom does, it doesn't mean that a dad doesn't love his kids as much as a mom does.  Some of the things are hard to judge superficially.  I'm speaking it out of my experiences.

There got two dads I've known of both of whom are the most important men of my life.  They sure do have very different personalities.  Papa being an average dad who appears to be the one who doesn't really care much to us: my brother and me.  It was until I've come to know of the other side of him later.  It was when I learnt that some of the things are impossible to judge by one side of the coin.  Most of the cases, it's necessary to flip the coin to see the other side of it to get a complete picture.

He being one of the best dads I've ever known of.  He proves me wrong that all of those statements I've mentioned about an average dad in earlier paragraphs.  He's one of those rare men who is willing to devote and spend all his time and does whatever it needs to the girls.  A lot of the times I can't beat his patience to girls.  He's more than willing to sacrifice his career for his family.  He always picks the family over his job or his personal preference whenever it comes a choice for him.  What's an incredible and rare dad I've known of! It's beyond words to describe how great dad he is.  He deserves more than enough for being entitled of "one of the best dads". 

They say "Any man can be a father but it takes a special man to be a dad". 
To me, "A dad is one who doesn't say his love by words but who rather  prove his love by gestures and what he does for his kids".  Both of him and Papa best explained it.  They don't brag aloud by saying it but they rather prove it silently by doing it.  Actions are louder than words, aren't they?

Those two great dads in my life might have very different personalities but they meet at that one point: "having a special quality of being a dad". Happy Father's Day to those two great men of my life and all Dads!

Words can strike the lives

(Courtesy of Google)

"Words".  We use them everyday as a communication medium.  Literally they are used to convey the intended messages to their recipients.  They could make one happy, overjoyed, sad, cry, upset, depressed, feel loved or rejected, just to name a few.  They have the power to make your best friend your enemy or your enemy to become your friend depending on how you use them.  Don't you agree?  I have some analytic to prove or convince this :)

A lot of times, when we speak them to the recipients out of our feelings. Without paying much attention or emphasis, what we communicate mostly reflect how we feel or what we think.  It's particularly true for our daily informal conversations with people around us. 

Recently, I came across a Facebook status where a mother rephrasing her about-4-year-old son's words to her.  Her son told her that he didn't want her anymore and wanted her to pass away.  A 4 years old might have just told them to his mom out of his anger without really meaning much but apparently it might have hurt his mom a lot.

Yet I was so shocked while I was reading it.  A series of thoughts automatically triggered in my head simultaneously.  The very first thing which stroke my heart was what if my girls say the same thing to me?  What's more was that the words which I often communicated to my loved ones (my mom and dad, my husband, my girls, etc) did hurt them, especially when I was mad?  An accidental brief encounter of a Facebook status message makes me re-analyze myself which really is a good thing by the way.

When one is really mad, it's exactly when one easily falls into the trap of making such mistakes.  Being blindfolded by anger, it's so easy to make unintended words which will hurt and break someone's heart for which one wouldn't use under normal circumstances.  One of the best examples of it lies within myself.  My rational thoughts and common sense simply diminishes by then and the anger will trigger anything which would hurt its recipients (especially my loved ones).  He usually is my main victim.  Probably he has the most tolerance so I might have taken advantage of him?

The bottom line is that words aren't retractable, just like once one has spit his or her saliva.  Or just like an arrow one has shot to its target.  Reckless ones are the most dangerous.  The grapevine in the working environment or the gossips and rumors in our daily world best explained it.  One's bad foul reckless mouth could destroy the life of someone else forever.  Even the receiving party is forgiving it might at least leave some accumulated wounded marks to them. 

Words are one of the most powerful intangibles.  They could be your charm to win one's heart or they could be the killer weapon which will pierce one's heart.  We need to make sure that when we say it, we mean it.  Speak sensibly and use wisely to avoid any unintended regrets later on.    No matter what, we always need to remember that words can strike our lives!

(Courtesy of Google)

A Mom's Diary-1: Symmetrical Love

"Are Papa and Mama biased and do they love my big brother more than me?"  I often used to have this question popped up on my mind.  Whenever my big bro bullied me but I was the one who always ended scolded or admonished by my parents, that evil doubt usually came and poked my mind.  He was the one who did wrong so shouldn't he be the one whom got punished?  I got bullied and also got often blamed by my parents for not staying away from him, my mind couldn't be at ease.  I usually felt like I was treated unfair. 

Papa once admitted out of his anger that his love is biased toward my brother, I was no doubt in absolute pain.  He also added that even each individual finger of one's hand is not in equal length, why did I search for the fair and square love from them?  It really was heartbreaking and also so slammed my heart that I cut my finger with a knife and recorded with bloody words that I would never forget them.  Whether he actually meant them or they were merely the ones which came out of his anger, they should never came out from Papa's mouth.  NEVER!

A lot of times, it even made me wonder that being a bad child would win favoritism of my parents?  My brother failed his college sophomore year, gambled, smoked, was being extremely disrespectful to them and a big bully to me of course yet they (especially Papa) felt pity and always stand by his side.  For me who really work hard, get a good academic record, pay respect and love (I used to think that they are my world) to them.  Just because you're good and independent doesn't mean that you don't need love from your parents. 

Just like that, I became a big "anti-parent favoritism".  I always tell myself that the history will not repeat for my kids.  I firmly believe that parents should love all of their children equally and justly.

After chartering myself into motherhood, I tell myself that I must not forget to make sure that I'm not a biased mom.  Yet, recently a thought provoked me that I might be giving this wrong signal of parent favoritism to Michelle?  She usually attaches me so much and favors me a lot of times over her Daddy.  But lately she is keeping a distance from me by showing her preferences to him.  I'm fine that she prefers Daddy over me but what concerns me is that why she's doing this?  She usually does the same thing whenever I'm strict or disciplined to her or she got scolded or admonished by me.

I have to admit though that I've been devoting most of my spare time on Sophie recently.  I think about 90% of my spare time is spent for her and I sometimes even feel like I don't leave enough breathing room even for myself.  The main reason is that I just want to make sure that she's doing well academically.  So, during the weekday evenings, I sit down with her to supervise and monitor her homework, Math workshop, reading, science project research, writing, piano practice, etc.  And most of my weekend spare hours are used to accompany and send her to all different classes such as piano, ice skating, ballerina, swimming, etc. 

Michelle also wants my attention so she usually climbed to my lap as she wants to be held.  But she usually disturbed her big sister's homework by scrabbling there or distract her big sister and loose her focus by talking or signing out loud, etc.  Most of the time, I'm letting Sophie run marathon for doing her homework and other stuff since we only got a limited amount of time.  I need to send them to bed early enough so that it won't be a big struggle next morning to wake them up. 

Being annoyed somewhat by Michelle, I usually scolded and drove her away a lot of times and asked her to go play with Daddy while I was supervising Sophie to do her stuff.  Michelle apparently wasn't happy for it.  She pouted and showed her unhappiness and run away but I didn't have time to bother her as I was rushing Sophie to get her stuff done.

Suddenly, her favoritism toward Daddy clicked my mind and make me realize of how I might have make her feel unfair. I feel like I get what she might have been going through recently because of me.

I'm very clear that my love for Sophie doesn't exceed the love I have for Michelle just because I'm devoting most of my time on Sophie.  I love them equally and justly.  When Michelle got a point when she really needs my attention and supervision, I'll be doing the same as well. 

However, love is shapeless so it's difficult to divide exactly and equally all the time just like cutting a pizza pie.   Having said that, it doesn't mean that I now changed my mind and become a supporter of "parent favoritism".  The scar that I had it at one corner of my heart is the best evidence and I vowed to myself that it'll never the case for my girls.

It's just that the love I have for each of them might be different at different point of time depending on their needs.  Sometimes, one needs more care or attention than the other and I love and accommodate them accordingly.  Just because I'm paying more attention to Sophie better at this point of time doesn't mean that I love her more.  Michelle will gradually be a kindergartener and I'll be doing the same thing for her as well.  At that point of time, Sophie might be able to do her studies more independently and she might not need as much attention as she needs from now.  Then, I would fully devote on Michelle by then.

I've been careful and thus I try to make them feel not biased.  For instance, Michelle used to have to wear a lot of the hands-me-down clothes of Sophie.  Just simply because I want to save some big bucks on her clothing as she outgrows so fast.  But now that Michelle is growing up and her emotional perplexing has also been bloomed as much as any human being is equipped with, I make sure that every time I plan to buy one, I buy for both of them. 

I was trying to make sure both of them not to convey the wrong message.  But then it might still not be enough.  From this incident I come to realize that this is a very delicate, sensitive and sophisticated matter which is much more than I've been aware of.  Even though I'm not practicing parent favoritism, I might sometimes be giving the wrong signal to either of them that I'm doing that way.  I've learnt that I should be more careful about my gestures to them next time.

"Parent favoritism" might be out there but I want to make sure to my girls that it doesn't exist in our family.  At times, they might feel that my love is asymmetrical since I will accommodate and fulfill their needs depending on the circumstances.  However, it doesn't mean that if one is constantly in need and the other is quite independent, the independent one will be neglected.  I might be helping the one who is more needy and will also make sure that the independent will receive the same affection from me.  I promise that I'll never let both of you suffer from the emotional misery I've been through.  I vow and dare to declare here that my unconditional love to each of them is symmetrical.  In other words, I assert that I will not let another wounded adult to grow up in this family!  We'll make it happen together.  Are you ready, girls?

My New Birthday Perspectives

(I got this image via Google and the credit goes to its original owner)

My another birthday is just right around the corner.  I'm like "Oh, wow!  Time flies so fast.  Another birthday again??"  If you sense that I don't really seem to be so excited about my birthday then you got me!

These days birthdays appear to me as reminders of how the time flies so quick.  Perhaps the older I get, the less I'm excited about my birthday. :D

Of course, I used to get excited for birthdays as a kid.  I always secretly wished that I could get a big birthday celebration with a pretty frosted cake party when I was a kid.  In fact, I never actually get my dream party so it might make me want it more.  At the same time, I wanted to advance the years so that I could be a grownup who is settled by graduating the college and landing on a nice job.  I simply thought that being a grownup would be pretty cool since no need to study, no need to afraid of adults and also make money and do whatever I would want.  Apparently, I wasn't factoring in for the responsibilities a grownup need to bear on their shoulder though:)

Now that being a grownup whom I always wanted to be and getting older each year, my perspective about birthdays have been changed.  For the first time in my life, I wondered why people regard that birthdays are so special?  Almost everyone of us presumes that birthdays are a special occasion and it's always celebrated with loved ones around.  I of course was no exception who always take and celebrate my birthdays as one of the special days of my life.  But never really wondered why?  Perhaps I was celebrating the Nth anniversary of me being alive in this wild word? :P  Or perhaps I'm celebrating for being a human being which really is a rare opportunity to be one?  There's a Buddha saying that the opportunity of being a human being is so rare that it was metaphor as the probability of a meeting coincidence of a needle from the heaven which is traveling downward and another one from the earth which is traveling upward.  So I was proud to be for being one rare human beings out of billions and celebrating it special on my birthday? :D

But as I think deeper, I realize that my birthday is the day when my mom borne and went through the biggest pain of a woman's life to bring me into this world.  So, the special celebration on my birthday should really go to my mom, not myself.  Without her, there would not be me.  So, this year I don't want any special celebration for me, but for my late mom for her endless gratitude.

Unlike prior birthdays in the past, I don't really have any special wish such as having a big cake and make me feel special this year.  The only wish I have is the family get-together and enjoy the time with them.  I don't even care anymore I'm eating at home or at an upscale restaurant as long as I'm surrounded by my loved ones.  These days I just want to shun material desires and just want to focus on the experiences.

I could feel myself that I'm a lot calmer, and all those excitements, fantasies, aspirations and daydreaming as a youth are fading.  If you say that the maturity has changed me then I'll take it.  I think I used to be like a raging waves which are full of force and activeness which is so ready to knock any obstacle on its way off during my youth days.  At the same time, I was with full of dreams, goals and positive outlooks for my future and my career. Now-a-days, I'm more like a stable and clam ocean surface.

I always wanted to be a very successful business woman but I ended up as as software engineer.  I'm not exactly where I wanted to be but I guess I'm okay with what I'm currently doing.  I guess that I now have less desires and cravings for pursuing my childhood dreams. 

I just want to live and enjoy the present with my loved ones.  "Live like we're dying", the lyrics, which I keep hearing recently frequently from radio really hits my heart.

I want to leave my past behind since I don't live there anymore.  Of course, the sweet past memories with my loved ones are exceptions though. Plus, the experiences I learnt from it as well.

And I'm not so looking forward to my future either. I'll take one step at a time and let the future awaits for me there.  I just want to live a full life, sit and enjoy the present for now.  Part of it might be that I'm becoming an anti-aging freak from a person who really wants to advance my age, be a grownup and knows what's ahead of me? LOL :P

I guess that I'm still not as insane as those maniacs in Chinese martial arts movie or series who had crazily risked a lot of people lives for the quest of anti-aging-and-never-grow-old medicine. :P  But still who doesn't want to stay young forever?  Can someone out there freeze the time for me please? LOL :P

Lazy Fever

I'm sure that almost all of us has gotten fever at least once in our life time.  Exception though for a few of those extraordinary ones who are super healthy and never got sick and thus who might make to Guinness Book.  Well, I'm not an exception so I'm one of those who get fever every once in a while. 

Guess what?  I have a special kind of this additional fever.  Unlike the conventional sickness fever, this one tends to linger inside me without any time constraint.

I know, I know.  I need some sort of medicine alike to conquer it.  But so far no good medicine deems available to me.  I could tentatively drive it way but it keeps coming back. 

At times, it could really be a hyper and it'll make me upside down.  It's so powerful that I plan to manage my time but it ends up like my time manages me.  Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....!!!!!! 

At some point, it'll release another agent of its kind to disturb my plan and schedule.  It's none other than his good buddy "procrastination"!  Just like that, my plan of taking some kind of certificates to keep up with the latest technology keeps missing its deadline for nearly a year already.  Huh, what's a syndrome! 

A lot of times, it'll make me generate full of excuses.  For instance, I've been busy devoting most of my time for girls, especially for Sophie, helping her with her studies, homework and following and supervising her on other extra-curriculum activities and classes such as piano, ballerina, ice skating, etc.  So when they go to bed and I could have spared an hour or so to focus on my study but I always excused myself like "Well, I'm really busy and tired all day already.  So, I should relax and spare my weekend to be like one".  And there I am, who will either enjoy watching either Chinese or Korean drama series, or doing some online window shopping.  Technically, anything except studying appeals to me. 

Whatever I'm supposed to do appears so menacing and whatever I'm not supposed to do will always win. 

Whenever it plays low key, those tiny little good senses of mine will come back up and reminds me to feel like my career and ultimately I are in quite an alarming situation if I'm to keep going on like this.  I realize this biggest enemy inside of me.  It's just that I could not against all of its odds most of the time.  The good me does not want it but the other half of bad me can't live it without.  I hate to say it but evils tend to win a lot of times?  Tomorrow never dies?  Hardworking or hardly working?  LOL :P  HELP!!!!!!!!!  :D

Make everyday an Appreciation Day!!

Synopsis:  Never take granted for the very ones which most deserve our gratitude

Last week, we went to San Francisco JapanTown and unexpectedly I lost my pink leather Cannon camera case there.  As soon as I knew it, I felt my head got doubled and without even aware of myself I think I yelled out loud to him who was walking a couple of footsteps before me with Michelle.  It sounded to him like I lost a precious diamond ring or something.  He might get an impression that I was over reacting just for a camera case.  But to me, it's my favorite camera case which also goes really well with my Cannon pink camera so it makes sense.  After searching thoroughly a couple of times at all possible places and couldn't find a trace of it, I was absolutely upset.  My earlier cheerful mode was completely spoiled. 

What even worse was that it stirred things up and also caused a fight with him consequently.  I saw the girls were taking the last steps of the staircase which led the way right next to where our car was parked.  So I just turned myself to open the car door so that it would be ready for them to come in.  Little did I expect that Michelle would suddenly dashed toward to the other car door by the street side instead of using this side door which I just opened.  It was so dangerous indeed since cars were coming intermittently at city driving speed (~about 35-45 mph).  Luckily, he who was getting ready for the drive and sitting at the driver seat swiftly came out and grabbed her. 

Overwhelmed by the situation, he was so fierce at my ignorance of Michelle.  He thought that being overly upset for the loss of my camera case had make me not to even care of own kids whom was the most precious treasure we owned.  I was really fed up indeed but I wasn't that insane to become such ignorant to own baby due to that.  Being accused mistakenly and adding more weight to my earlier distress, I was even more igitated by complaining to him that if I were to blame, he was partly responsible for that as why would he need to get ready for the driving in such a hurry, etc.  Just like that, my day was completely runined.  It all started from losing my camera case. 

It was such a warm beautiful family day out but I weren't as happy as what I was supposed to be when we got our next stop at Golden Gate Bridge.  He tried to comfort me before heading to the bridge but it didn't make me feel any better.  Guess that that's what I got for being a tough cookie? :P

The girls and the spectacular views of San Francisco city and surroundings from the bridge's vista point had make me cheer up a little bit but it could not completely dissolve that agitation on my mind.  Guess that I was a time bomb which was just waiting and trying to find a time to explode the rest of the indigestion on my mind.

On that evening after getting home, it finally got exploded when he gave a call to his home as it was his sister's big day.  It was her wedding day so I normally would not have an issue for that call.  However, my agitated anger helplessly broke for picking the wrong time to make the call with the following accusations to him: 1) taking his family higher precedence than me and 2) completely ignoring me by knowing the fact that I was still feeling distressed.  I ended up not talking to him for the rest of the evening.

There is a saying that time is a good cure.  I can't agree more to it.  My anger dissolved over the time after calming myself down.  Then I came to my senses and started to second-guess the incident during the following morning. I really love my camera case and yes, it's pink!  After looking up on Amazon for the exact same replacement case and realizing that it would cause me nearly 20 bucks, it made me mourn my case even more. 

But WAIT!  A week ago while I was putting it inside my handbag, the peanut butter cream from the chocolate I kept in my bag for girls somehow came through the broken wrapper and was all over it.  I was loud at that time as well as soon as I noticed that my camera case got dirty.  At that time, we were traveling to Bodega Bay and all I could do was to wipe those dirty thingy out with tissue paper as clean as possible.  I noted to myself that I gonna wash it off once I'd got home but it didn't happen.  Right, you got me!  I've completely forgotten about it.

If I do really love and appreciate it, why would I even forget and treasure it and keep it well back then?  "Forget" does not sound like a good excuse for something you really love and appreciate. 

As I thought out loud, I came to realize that it wasn't just this camera case for which I always thought I really like it but didn't treasure it much.  There are also several other my favorite stuff to which I treated the same just like my camera case and don't take care them really well.  Just because they are mine and they are available for me all the time, I was ignorant and take them for granted perhaps. 

I usually forget to be grateful and appreciate of my eyes until I've seen a blind person.  I don't think I really take care and appreciate really well of my hands and legs until I've came across a disabled person.  These are just a few example instances and there apparently are many more to name.

But when I loose them, the attachment I've for it makes me suffer the loss and also make me conscious about how much I like it and how much it means to me.  In my case, the cost of replacement for my camera case was a reminder of its value to me again. 

Well, these are just physical objects which could still might be able to be replaced in case I lost them.  Even if I couldn't I'm sure that I could live it without and my suffering for its loss will fade over time. 

But how about the persons who really love and care me and whom I also love and care about them as well?  Especially the one who endures me, the one who shares every ups and downs: the one who supports and walks me through during the darkest days of my life, the one who comforts and brings me smile whenever I feel down, the one who never tricks or trips me without any single jealousy and shares all my happiness I've got?  The one who is really geninue to me for everything; the one who will be by my side no matter what. 

Where do I find the second one if I loose him?  Apparently I can't afford to loose him at all cost.  He absolutely is IRREPLACEABLE to me. 

Yeah, I guess I was taking him for granted.  I went a little bit too far.I was taking advantage of his love and all his good.  I was so ignorant and harsh towards him.   

Without even knowing myself, tears gathered at my eyes and started to roll helplessly all over my face.  I rushed to him and be apologetic for my gesture earlier.  The smile was all over his face and he forgave me so easily. 

Loss of my favorite camera case wasn't a good thing but it turns out to be that way.  It taught me a lesson.  To be accurate, it reminded me of the basic, simple and fundamental yet important theory which I tend to overlook over time: treasuring and relishing the ones which are really or most important for my life. 

We must always appreciate what we have.  Sometimes, the greed or the hierarchy of needs of human beings also make us overlook to appreciate what we already have.  We try to chase after the ones which are missing to us, especially those that are better.  For instance, after getting a small house, some of us sometimes feel unsatisfied with it over time and set a new goal to get a bigger house.  We forget to appreciate the house we already have.  We keep envying those who have a nice big and grand house and we really wish ourselves for the similar thing.  At that point, we are forgetting those who could not afford to buy even a small one we own.  Until some homeless people flashed our mind, we might keep having the psychological misery by living up on a bigger dream.

"Appreciation" is truly important, don't you agree?  It'll make us feel contented and happy.  When we appreciate, we will take care of them really well.  When we take care of those which are important to us, it'll only bring positive effects and benefits in return.  For instance, when we really take care of our eyes, it will go extra miles than the ones which are being abused.  Relishing the relationships with our loved ones will only keep the relationship stronger and last forever.  It's like a win-win situation.

 I'm glad that I come to my senses before it's too late.  I always want to live a regret and guilt free life yet I still got caught myself into overlooking this.  This fundamental theory is not something new but some of us tend to miss it every once in a while.  Now that I learnt and I'm going to live on a positive and happy life from now onward by relishing every single one which really matters to me.  I'll never fail to appreciate and let them slip.  No doubt for sure and I assure myself that it'll be up and above 100%!!!! :P  This blog is a first milestone!

My big little helper

Last Tuesday night, we just got back home from our family winter vacation.  There were lots of driving during our vacation.  He did most of the driving but I did my share by taking over from him to knock off for about the last 200 miles to home. Prior to that he had already done more than 2 times of the mileage which I drove.  Needless to say that we both were so exhausted once we've got home.

Oh yeah, I fell into the sound sleep as soon as I'd touched my pillow. However, I was woken up by Michelle right in the middle of the night and right in the middle of my very sound sleep.  Well, this is not something new and she does it almost every night. Her usual routines involve crying, making noises and asking one of us to go to their room to keep her company.  And as I didn't want to disturb his sleep who would need to be back to work on the next morning, I just followed her and kept her company by sleeping next to her.  To be accurate, I slept in the middle of Sophie and Michelle.  Sophie usually sleeps on the left side and Michelle is on the right side.  Their two single beds are put next to each other without a gap between them.  Of course, there's a gap between two mattresses of two beds but we fill it up with two body pillows along the gap of two beds which seem to perfectly fit into it.

I always have to sleep in the middle of them and they will hold my hands from each side and will fall into asleep.  I can't be closer to either one of them and else they will complain me with all different ways.  Therefore, to be fair and square, I could only sleep right in the middle without leaning towards one or the other better.  Right in the middle of the two beds is the filler gap body pillows and it's the spot where I stuck with whenever Michelle came and get me in the middle of the night.

I have a really bad back pain right after Sophie's pregnancy.  The subsequent pregnancy for Michelle made it worsen and I guess that I need to live with it for the rest of my life.  And sleeping on the bad mattress, hard floor or a bad spot like the aforementioned gap filler body pillows usually trigger my back pain really bad.  Well, that's my life as a mom and I have no complaint!

When Michelle came and got me to sleep next to her, I of course stuck again with that middle body-pillowed spot.  In order to be able to touch and sleep with me so closely and snugly, both of them came next to me and left only a small room which was enough just to lay my back.  I could not even toss and turn. Can you imagine how squished I was?  But it's okay.  I usually leave it once they fell into the sound sleep and get back to our room. But during that night, Michelle also seemed to have a troubled sleeping.  I thought that she seemed to have a sound sleep and tried to remove her hands from me gently.  Not even before trying to get myself up from there, she would wake up and start to cry and grab my hands and ask me not to leave.  Just like that, the whole night had been passed and I had lost my sleep.  I think I might have semi-consciously fallen into alseep but not a complete sound sleep though. 

Prior night's such torture made me not to be able to open my eyes during the next morning.  I knew that he and the girls got up around 8:00am but I had a very strong urge to keep sleeping and I could not open up my eyes. And I had already decided to be on a sick leave due to all those exhaustiveness over last night and during our vacation.  He of course knew what I had been through the night.  So, he took the girls outside and they were having a breakfast.  He later came and told me that he was leaving to work. 

I of course know that it's an automatic signal for me to get up now since only the girls by themselves would be left there.  Then, I told them while I was still lying on my bed that I would sleep a little bit more as I was too tired and exhausted and I would come out shortly.  As they responded me "OK", I kept lying on the bed a little bit more.  Not long after, Michelle rushed into the room, stood next to me and was telling me that she also wanted to see and help what Sophie was doing.  I ignored her at the beginning but she kept bugging me and even pulled my hands to go to Sophie.  I asked her what Sophie was doing and all she told me was that she also wanted to touch water and help Sophie.

Being somewhat annoyed by her, I followed her and went out to see what Sophie was doing.  As I didn't see Sophie in the living room, I went to the dining table.  She wasn't at the dining table either but she was in the kitchen and guess what?  She was washing the dishes by standing on the little plastic Ikea chair as she wasn't tall enough to reach to the sink.

Being annoyed by Michelle and for being disturbed for my rest, I raised my voice and asked Sophie what she was doing and asked her to stop making the messes.  I have to admit that I was upset and was a little bit mad by then when I asked her.  Her little puzzled face turned around and looked at me.  Just then, she softly spoke and here's what she responded: "Mommy, I know that you're very tired and I'm just trying to help you.  I'm washing the dishes for you so that you can rest".  Then, she turned back and kept washing the dishes. 

Oooooooohhhh...Myyyyyyyy...Goddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!

It has totally made my eyes widen.  I felt  like I was well awake by then.  I was so speechless right away by a five year old's gesture.  Then, I started to feel guilty for raising my voice and being a little bit mad at her and Michelle for waking me up.  My heart was completely melted and I was so touched at the same time. 

Oh my! What's a big little helper!!  I was so overwhelmed and I could not believe what I was seeing and what was happening right before me.  What's a sensible and understanding 5 years old!  I felt so ecastatic and elated simultaneously.  Yet I still didn't know what to say.  All I did was that I rushed to her and gave her a big hug. 

She hugged me back and told me again to go back and rest and she would finish the dishes.  Then, I told her that how much I appreciated her for her gesture and to stop doing it and go play instead but she insisted.  So, I stepped back for a while and watched her and it seemed like she was doing really professional.  She got a scrub and put the dish detergent and looked so real even though it was her first time doing it. 

Oh God! It was one of the sweetest moments of my life or being a motherhood!  Any of the hardship I've been through because of them or every single sacrifice I've done for them is so worth it.  No doubt that I'm a proud mama.  Love you, girls!  It was way too sweet of her!!