Our Guilty Pleasures

Guess what?  Today is a special day for both of us.  Our anniversary day?  Nope.  It's just a day when only two of us got a chance to exclusively spend time together for a couple of hours after such years.    Oh wait! Okay, I lie a little bit here.   In fact, he came and picked me up from my work and took me out for the lunch at Chevy's located by Sacramento River last week just before my birthday.   We got an exclusive hours of lunch for just two of us by then.  

Anyway, back to the point why it was being a special day for us.  Well, it's a Cesar Chavez Day today.  And yes, it's the holiday for both of us as well.  I know, most of you out there do not get it as a holiday.  Even my aunt who works for the SF City does not get it as a holiday and she envies me that I get it as a holiday.   And what even better is that he gets it as a holiday as well.  And, it also turns out that it's not the holiday of the girls' preschool.   Therefore, we have decided to do some guilty pleasures just two of us while the girls are schooling.  :P

Comfortable Sophie in dentist chair

Sophie with her teeth being cleaned

Freaking Michelle in dentist chair; She was sitting there all by herself until the dentist came in

In fact, it started as a busy morning with the girls though.   I had made the dentist appointments for both of them as it's our holiday so we would not need to rush to work after sending the girls to the dentist.  And a medical check-up report is also needed for Sophie's kindergarten application and I happen to get an appointment for her check-up this morning as well.   It was the very first visits to the dentist of both of them.  Sophie was doing great with her dentist but Michelle freaked out and she would not sit without having me putting her on my lap.  And she didn't open her mouth quite well and kept grabbing me so tight all along.  Oh well, she's still too little for the dentist I guess.  Anyway, after taking care of all these stuff, we sent them off to their preschool. 

And the exclusive hours started after stepping out of the preschool.   When he asked me that where I wanted to go for the lunch, it kept my brain busy for a while.  I wanted to go to Black Angus for the steak but there is none in Davis unfortunately and we needed to travel all the way up to Vacaville.  It would not be that bad but I had decided just to go to a restaurant in Davis so that it would save some commute time. 

There is this Thai restaurant which seems to be very crowded every time we passed by and it just happens to be the next of the movie theater we would be watching the movie.  So, there we go.  We had lunch there.  The food was not bad and it has a nice setting as well.   I got Shrimp Pad Thai with the chicken satay which I thought it was good.  He is a noodle lover and decided to get a glass noodles soup.  He said his noodle was just so-so.   I tasted it as well and I had to agree with him.   Anyway,  we got a nice and quiet quality together and we both were quite satisfied with it already.

Then, we walked to the movie theater which is just the next door and it had not opened the door yet.  When I peeped through the glass main door which was locked I saw some staff.  And he called there and they said they would open only at 12:30pm. 

Since we still had a little more time and I was also craving for the dessert, particularly the cheesecake, he took me to "Ciocolat" which is famous for dessert and cakes for cheesecake hunting.   It was quite a walk but they didn't have the cheesecake unfortunately.

The white chocolate strawberry mousse was quite tempting but I had decided to pass it.  Then he took me to a couple of other coffee and pastry shops including Peet's coffee on the way for our continued cheesecake hunting but no luck.  Oh well, I get it.  Perhaps I was destined to be on a healthier diet today.  So, just let it be.

White Chocolate Strawberry Mousse cake;  I know it's salivating.  Too bad I passed it :(

When we got back to the theater, it was just about the time and we managed to get two tickets for King's speech.   In fact, I was betting between Adjustment Bureau and King's Speech and finally he made a call.  As I didn't manage to get the cheesecake and to quench my thirst from the walking, I got the huge cherry freeze.  Oh my!  When we first got into the theater,  there were only two of us.  LOL... Gradually a couple of other people came in and there were totally 8 of us in the whole room.  Oh, yeah I had nothing better to do so I did the total headcount in the room.  It was a nice movie and no wonder it scored a couple of Oscars including the best picture and the best actor for Colin Firth.  

After we got out of the movie, he asked me what else I wanted to do and I had decided to go and pick the girls up and bring them out to Arboretum.  As we already had a quality time together so we decided to spend some quality time with the girls afterward.    This way, we would not feel so guilty for our earlier pleasures.    They both were so excited when we went and picked them up early.

We brought them to the Arboretum by the Borders.  As always nothing else could convince Sophie more than reading the books, she requested to spend time at Borders.  So we spent quite some time at Borders' kids section and read the books.  After that we walked along the Arboretum.   They were so happy with the bubbles blowing the park.  Four of us walked pretty far.

As girls were tired and everyone was starving on the way back, we decided to stop at "BJ's" over by our house.  Well, I had the free Pizookie coupon for my birthday and how could I pass it?  :P  It was crowded as usual.   And we called it off with their famous Pizookie desert .   Due to the long walk today, they both fell into asleep so quickly tonight.   And it was such a nice day off and we both had both guilty pleasures and non-guilty pleasures.  Happy Cesar Chavez Day!

Daddy and Sophie having a very good time at BJ's

Post-Birthday Thoughts

When I was a kid, one of the most desired things on my list perhaps was to have my birthday celebration.  If possible, I wanted to get a grand birthday party with the cake every year.  I thought that it was just a once-a-year celebration and I wanted it to be specially celebrated with Papa, Mama, family members and friends.  I wanted to be specially treated on my birthdays.  The birthday cake was not very common on birthdays where I grew up.   But still there were some who had a birthday party along with the cake on their birthdays.  Therefore, having a birthday cake on my birthday might probably was another secret craving which was silently lying at one of the corners of my heart.

Papa and Mama were always busy and they always tend to forget my birthday.  In fact, Papa was that kind of person who didn't believe in any birthday celebration.   To be more accurate, he didn't bother for the family dinner where everybody waited each other and started only when everybody was present.  Sometimes, I came home late and I ate by myself so lonely.  Of course, there were maids who were serving me but I thought that it was so meaningless to eat by ourselves everyday and I longed for that kind of family dinner thing so much.   Perhaps it was another reason which made me wish a special celebration at my birthday with the family so much as it would compensate my long awaiting desire once a year.
 
I still remembered that I once complained Mama that both of them never cared about my birthday and how I wished I was regarded so specially on my birthday.   She was speechless by then.  But she tried to put the effort to make some sort of celebration at home on my birthdays starting from then such as offering the food and fruits to Buddha, making one my favorites Burmese dessert, "Shwe Yin Aye" or "Mot Lat Saung" (which is very similar to Chendol in Singapore and Malaysia) or "Kyauk Kyaw" (coconut agar agar) and so on.    It was much better than nothing but still it was not what I had desired. 

It really reminds me of Mama's home-made yummy "Shwe Yin Aye" by the way. 

Yes, I really admit that I wanted so much the birthday party with the cake.  I could not deny that when I saw a kid with tons of birthday presents I envy them so much.  But as I grew older, what I desire more about the birthday is that it should be a family event which all members get together and show the care to the birthday girl or the birthday boy and make them feel special on this day.   If I have to pick a special day to celebrate with the family or loved ones then I thought that it should be our birthdays.

So, when I started dating with him, I celebrated his birthdays in the same way which I always dream of.  Every year, I order a birthday cake, blow the candles with him, buy a secret or non-secret special birthday presents for him, have the birthday fiesta at the fine dining restaurants.  He actually is not so much into the birthday celebration but he always silently follows all my arrangements and plans.  Anyway, I know that he appreciates them and feels so happy since I let him feel so special on his birthdays. 

As for him, what he believes is that no special celebration is required on birthdays as long as we treat each other so nice and special everyday.  On my birthdays, he always indulges me by letting me do anything I want and makes me feel so happy and special.  Well, he's always good to me but he is usually more careful on my birthdays to make sure that I'm not unhappy or disappoint for any reason.  But I don't get a lot of cakes on my birthdays though, just because he's not a cake person.  Well, I guess that I don't mind it anymore for having no cake on my birthdays. It's well enough that he makes me feel so happy and special on my birthdays. 

But for the celebration of my loved ones' birthdays, I still feel that birthday cake is a symbol of a birthday so it's a must.  It's such a pity that I never got a chance to celebrate Papa and Mama's birthdays with the cake and made them feel so special on their birthdays.  I once told about my idea to them when we were together in Singapore and Mama got so excited.  Well, who can resist the care and love from their own kids? Unfortunately, every time when they got to Singapore, their birthdays have already been passed and I didn't get a chance to have one for them.  What's a shame!

Just like that, I make the birthday celebration as our family tradition.  Every year, I got a birthday cake and have a small party at home as the celebration for birthdays of each of them.  We usually go out to the restaurants as a part of the celebration as well.  On Sophie's 2nd birthday, we had it at her preschool to celebrate it together with her teachers and friends.  On her 4th birthday, she wanted a party so we threw one for her.  I kind of hesitated at the beginning but it was one of my childhood dreams I ever wanted and I decided to make it happen for her if not for me.  Well, it's me who still could not totally get away with the idea of celebrating big and special on birthdays I guess. 

But recently, what I really want them to understand is that the reason why we celebrate on each of us birthdays apart from all the fun, party and the celebration.  It will take a little more time for Michelle since she's still little.  But I think Sophie is getting there. 

On my recent birthday, they both kissed me from one at a side.  When they said "Happy birthday, Mama!  And I love you!", I felt it was one of the sweetest moments of my life.  Sophie and Daddy got the cake for me and she said that she would arrange the party for me.  Then, she managed to find the candles and she set everything up for me.  There was no words to express how pleased I felt.  In addition, she cut the heart shaped paper and color it and gave her hand crafted artwork to me as a present.  How precious it is! It's not about the value of the present I got, it's all about the heart she put in there for me.

My most recent birthday cake decorated by Sophie

When we were at Target during last weekend, she said she wanted to buy a birthday card for me.  Then, she carefully selected me a card with the music of Taylor Swift's Love Story song which was her favorite.  While she was doing it, I was not even paying attention to it at all and I was checking some other stuff around that area.  Then when I told her that not to buy it, she insisted a bit initially and then she gave up later.  But I could see that she was not quite happy with it.  On the way back home, I blamed myself for not letting her buy the card.  Then, I suddenly got an idea: I told her that if she and Michelle want to buy a card for each of my birthday, they could do it and I'll keep them in a box every year as a collection.  When they grow older and they could not be around us anymore, this will serve as the fond memories for me forever.

One is from him and one is from Sophie with her handwriting

My thoughts are evolved and changed now.  It's not a birthday cake or a celebration which matters on birthdays.  It's all about the care and love which I receive from them which matters me the most.  It does not have to be a very big or a grand party or celebration to make one happy on birthdays.  Those are just a superficial thing and they won't last long.  It's just that a bundle of how they love, care and appreciation which will last forever in my memory.  They cannot be destroyed and will serve as the fond memories to me always.  And I'm looking forward to much more such celebrations of my birthdays to come.

 Oh, my! How sweet!  One of the birthday kisses from my cutie pie :D

My first exercise days

It has been ages that I haven't exercised. Okay, I lie. It's not that long but perhaps it might have been about 2 years already. If running around at home to go after my girls and doing house chores are considered to be exercise then be it. But what I mean is the actual exercise which I intentionally do to keep myself fit. I used to walk around the office area with my ex-coworkers during the lunch time or the break time. Ever since I left from that job, I haven't done any exercise particularly, except taking the stairs to the third floor where my office is instead of taking the elevator.

Gym? I would love to. But with a full-time job, two little toddlers and a bunch of housework, how do I find time to go there? Well, we used to go to UCDavis gym before as my husband works there. But it was when my mother-in-law was here so we were able to find some time for exercises while she was looking after Sophie.

I've been wanting to do some exercises during the lunch time as it's the only time that suits me the most. During the weekends, I have my family and my girls so I don't want to take any time taking away from them. I was lazy to go out by myself as well, especially during the winter as it's so cold outside. Yesterday, one of my coworkers asked me to go for a walk. We went to the State Capitol area. It was not a very long distance but it was a good distance to serve me as a warm-up exercise after a long break at least.

      This is one part of the park which I walked around today

She's not available today and another coworker asked me out and I said yes of course. She brought me to this park in the south to the other end of my office. It's a large park indeed with a big pond in the middle. There is also a big playground area so I should bring my husband and my girls here next time during the weekend. I'm sure they will love it. While they are playing, we could take turn to walk or jog around the park.

I've opted just to walk while she was jogging. Jogging will be too much for me at this point. Guess what? I've completed two laps. Not too bad, huh? I think I've walked about 4 or 5 miles today. It's supposed to have the scatter rain today but the weather was cooperating just now and it was simply a good day with enough sunshine to keep me warm. As I'm afraid that it would be chilly so I brought my thick jacket. On the way back to the office, I was even sweating a bit. Oh, I feel soooo good. I'm sure that I have done enough today to break the calories down for the chicken biryani which I had for lunch before going out for a walk. And I'm glad that I'm back on track. I need to keep myself up. Jiayou!  Jiayou!

          A big pond in the middle of the park; Nice day and nice view isn't it?  And yes, nice workout too :)

Surprise Presents!

When I received a voice message from my youngest uncle about the presents for Sophie and Michelle during a couple of weeks ago, I was surprised to learn it as I was not expecting one. In fact, I was so thrilled to be receiving one. It would be the first presents I got from my home country which is about 8000 miles far away from here ever since I've got here. And it's also the first presents I got from my family other than my parents.

Well, I had often received stuff and food from my parents when I was in Singapore. And monthly pocket money along with the cards from Uncle Mike. When he went to US to present his paper in the conferences; my aunts and uncles here sent me some presents via him while he was meeting with them. And when my youngest uncle (who is the same person) came and visited here last time, he brought me a bunch of food which I like and which I haven't had them for a long long time. So, it's not the first time I receive the presents but what made this one so special? Because it was specially bundled for us and came from a thousand of miles while I was not expecting.

I also feel like I'm in their thoughts. I really felt the love and care from them. Every present is special to me. It's not that the value of the presents which matter. It's the love, care and warmth which comes with the presents. Especially this one which travels thousands of miles to reach us. In the voice message, he told me that it's some clothes for my girls. We were planning to go to San Francisco to get the package from the carrier. Then, Uncle Mike told me that he could bring them for me since we haven't met with him for quite a while. He not only brought them to us but also treated with a yummy lunch at Italian restaurant. What else could be better?

And when I opened the package after getting home with the presence of the girls, they were so thrilled to see the pretty dresses. I could not help but just let them try it on. There are two pairs of dresses for each of them: one is white and another is pink. They started out with white and then pink. Michelle usually does not like to put on the dress. Even she got convinced to see the pretty dress on her sister and was asking me to put it on her as well. And Sophie already got a plan. She said she would wear the pink one on her upcoming birthday since pink is her favorite and the white one for her next birthday. How's sweet!

And last not least, there was a present for me as well. My favorite "Dried Salty Fish(Nga-Poke-Pyar-Chauk)". Oh, my! I can't wait. I love it to have with the fried rice. Watch out neighborhood! That means I might potentially gonna give you some smell soon. LOL... Well, it's a fragrance to me though of course.

Precious dried salty fish from my uncle

Thank you so much, uncle and Kyi Kyi for sending these precious presents to us. More importantly, it's your thoughts, love and care which you sent along with those presents which make me feel so warm in my heart. I really appreciate them.

Sunday-night blues

 Fridays are happiest weekdays for me and my happy hours usually start at a couple of hours before getting off from work.  I bet nobody could possibly deny that.  Am I right? Oh wait, take off those freaking workaholics from the list.  Shhh...  Okay, keep this confidential just between us. Oh, well I guess that you don't know my boss.  Perhaps his happy hours  start even earlier than mine.  Who knows?  LOL...

And this happiness keeps inclining and "independence evening" is claimed on the way back home.  The peak  is at Friday nights knowing the fact that Saturdays will be all mine.  No work, no office and no blues of course.  Do I even need to mention this?  When the girls go to the bed, we can claim our freedom by then.  My mind is usually busy with so many "What to do(s)" as I could only do a couple of things and there usually got a long "To-do list".  

The happiness goes on on Saturdays and still keep at its peak.  Usually it starts declining and going downhill on Sunday morning.  Sometimes, if too many happiness happens on Saturdays and Saturday itself could not accommodate then it occupies Sunday morning and afternoon as well.  All kind of thoughts and preparations for tomorrow  are often getting serious on Sunday evenings.  Laundry, cooking, tomorrow's lunch boxes, yadi, yadi, blah, blah, blah...  And here it comes; this same repetitive haunting thoughts which occur at the same time every week: "Oh my Gosh! What happened to my weekends? Weekends are just too short.  Two-days weekends are not really enough.  I wish I could get the power to linger it longer, etc". It just keeps my head so overwhelmed.  Who said that having or doing the repetitive stuff over time will get bored?  

For some, it's Monday blues.  For me, it's Sunday-night blues.  It starts out early.  LOL... It's even more dreading when there is a rainy winter night.  I need enough motivation to keep my butt off from that cozy, comfy and warm bed on next day, right?  Well, my girls are not only my motivators but also the daily routine alarm.  How could I possibly let them late for their preschool? Well, I guess life goes on...  Happy Monday everyone!  Hang on there til next Friday comes.

Pre-Birthday Thoughts

My birthday is getting closer.  I just happen to talk about my birthday with my aunt.  She said "I'm getting one year wiser".  Oh, yeah, it was so nice of her and that's a good way to put it.  In fact, I'm getting one year older.  Who could possibly deny that?


When I was a kid, I always feel that it's so slow to grow up.  I wanted to be a grown-up faster so that I would have enough freedom to do anything I wish to do, without having to get scared of teachers at school and parents at home.  I simply thought that an adult could do whatever they want to do and it would be just so good.  I remember that one of my big uncles kept telling me that he wanted to go back to his childhood days and be a kid, just like me. I didn't get it.  What's the point?  He said I would understand him when I grew older.  I was like: "Oh, really?  Well, I don't think I will." That's what I was thinking in my mind when he said that.  Of course, I didn't respond to him though. 

Well, I'm now a grown-up whom I want to be when I was a kid.  And I really get what he meant now.  I sometimes miss and wish those carefree days back.  Every year when my birthday is approaching, I feel like the time flies so fast.  Especially when I see my girls growing, it make me realize more that I'm getting older.  Just like that, Sophie will be going to kindergarten soon.  And Michelle gonna join her soon and just like that they will be the university students.  Before I could realize myself, I'll soon be a middle-aged lady and they will be teenagers.  Oh, I really don't wish to grow older anymore at this point.  Even if I couldn't be younger, I will be satisfied if I could be at my current age and will not grow anymore.  My thoughts are going reverse now.

It took so long to be a grown up but it goes too fast to be an elderly person.  I'm just wondering that how many people feel and wonder the same way as I do?

Just one little attitude... But it could make someone's day

Mornings are the beginnings of every new day and I believe that it's important to have a pleasant one to begin with. I was pretty annoyed this morning as it was almost spoiled by this mean administrative lady.  I was turning in the kindergarten application to the elementary school in our district where Sophie is assigned to attend this morning.  And there I met with this mean one from the registration office.  She gave me unfriendly face and treated me unpleasantly.  Of course, I was trying to be polite and nice as I'm submitting the application of my daughter.  Who want to have a bad relationship with someone from the school her daughter will potentially be attending?  The way she put her face was like it seemed I owed her something.  It's not my first time meeting with such kind of people but every time I encounter them it somehow disturbs me and make me wonder why they could not do better and treat others nice.  I've seen a lot of such similar people at DMV.  Of course, we have no way but just have to deal with them since we have to get our business done and there is no other alternative and they are the only ones who can get our business done.  But I don't think people gonna appreciate them and some people might even curse to them in their mind. 

The other day, I was at the office of the school district in our area to apply the inter-district school transfer form for Sophie so that she could apply for schools in the city where my husband is working.  Christine, who is the administrative lady, over there was so nice.  She was very helpful, patient, attentive and informative. She was trying to help me as much as she could.  I had asked her tons of questions and she not only patiently answered all my questions, but also was trying to give me much more details than what I had asked her.  When I walked out of the door of her office, I felt so grateful to her and felt so appreciated for all of her help.

It's just one little attitude which made such a big difference.  They both are doing the same thing.  They are just doing their job.  On the other hand, they are helping people to get their job done.  But one with a good heart but another doesn't.  They don't understand that it's just one little attitude but it could go extra miles.  It could make someone's day.

At my work, whenever my users request me something, I try my best to help or respond them promptly.  Whenever my users told me that how great I am and show their appreciation to me in several different ways, I could not even express how pleased I feel.  These are the motivations which keep me going.  And I'm always glad that I could help. It's like not only I'm getting my job done, but also I'm helping and making someone happy.  It's like a mutual gain and it's a win-win situation. 

So, why could not some people get this?  Just one little attitude... But it could brighten someone's day.  Bring it on, people!

Kindergarten Headaches!

Today is one of the important days for us.  Tonight is the lottery night.   Well, we're applying Sophie to the charter school right around the corner of our house.  This school has 900+ API (Academic Performance Index).  It's really a very good API and probably one of the schools which manages to get such a high API around this area.  Usually, most other schools in this area only has 700+ and 800+ API.  I had toured the school and I like it a lot as well.  This main reason and also the proximity to our house really make me wish that Sophie could get admitted to it.  However, they have to run the lottery system since they received more than 300 applications where only 100 spots are available.  So, it's not sure whether she could get in there or not.  I'm praying hard and crossing  my fingers.  Oh my God! It's almost the same feeling like I'm waiting for my exam result to come out. 

My head is spinning with a series of thoughts as well.  If it wouldn't work then, what would we gonna do?  In fact, we've already started exploring other options as a backup plan.  But none of them have really been materialized yet.  A lot of options and a lot of information: Private or public school? School day or full day?  Extended care?  Montessori or non-Montessori?  And Spanish immersion school or Chinese immersion school?  Sophie's preschool teacher is convincing to us that she would be a perfect fit for the Spanish immersion school since her Spanish is superb and she could pick a new language up so easily.  Yeah, I know: knowing another language definitely is a plus.  As a matter of fact, I had learnt from one of my co-workers recently that there is a Chinese immersion school not far from where I work and it's a nice school as well.  As Chinese is on our top list as her second language, should I be considering this school as well?  Also school in Sacramento or school in Davis?  Schools in Davis have a better academic performance than those in this area.  If we want her to get enrolled in schools at Davis then we would need the inter-district transfer approval.  However, the down side is that we would only be notified of her admission to the school much later than those of Davis residents as she is not its resident and not from that district.  And yes, there is the possibility that she could not get admitted to the school we want and we might end up like enrolling her to the school they assigned to us at the end.  I'm learning as we go and doing all these new things.  It's really stressful indeed.  What's a headache!

Meanwhile, I'm feeling so anxious and nervous for tonight's lottery outcome at the charter school.  And it has already occupied my brain with all those "What if".  I'm wondering that all the first-timers parents of kindergartners will be in the same situation as we do now?  Uh, oh...  this might just be the beginning and there might be more serious and similar headaches along the way.  The long road is ahead us and this is just for her kindergarten and I'm having so much stress and headaches already.  May be I'm making it bigger than it seems? 

At the same time, it really reminds me of my mom who used to wait for me at the street corner with so much worries and concerns and could not have her dinner if I came home late from my classes and my work.  I always used to tell her not to be like that and there was nothing to get worried about me.  When she kept doing it I just could not get it except I felt pity for her.  She told me that she just could not help and when I became a parent I would know what she was talking about.  Mama is right.  This is really happening to me now.  Alright, welcome to the parenthood!   Probably someone out there with the similar experience and in the same situation could be on the same page with me?

And I'm crossing my fingers for tonight!  And yes, I'm praying hard and may Buddha bless me!  Please do not make my kindergarten headaches worsen!

Is "2012" proving to be true?

It's a beautiful day when I woke up this morning until I've learnt about the strike of 8.9 magnitude of earthquake and tsunami in Japan.  Oh, my God!  A thought of a couple of my friends in Japan made me sighed and I sincerely and really wish that all of them are safe.  As much as I do hope that my friends there are safe, I really wish that the impact is minimal and all other people over there are safe as well.  And yes, it also brings me up another life theory which we tend to forget: "Life is Short and Fragile".  Here in Sacramento which is thousands of miles far away from Japan, we're enjoying such a nice day with blue sky yet those people in Japan are suffering the hell at the same time.  Reading the aftermath news are still really shocking.  I try to picture them in my eyes and I try to put myself at their place just to think and I'm like "Oh, My Gosh!" I could not think any further. 

A series of thoughts are rapidly streaming through my head with all the mixed feelings after learning this news.  I felt so sorry and sympathized for those in Japan who are lost and suffering the sadness and aftershocks from this cruel disaster.  On the other hand, I felt so grateful for the fact that none of my loved ones including myself were not suffered from such ferocious disaster.   All these mixed feelings are spinning in my head and it's so much to take them altogether simultaneously.

And realizing the fact that all different sorts of huge disasters which are happening all around the world recently makes me think of 2012 movie as well.  Think about the tsunami in Phuket, followed by that great shot in Chile, Cyclone in Burma and the huge suffering in Szechuan, China, and the recent earthquake in New Zealand, just to name a few.  I do not believe such a thing as "end of the world" but is it really convincing to me now?  Oh, is the world proving to come to an end as said and predicted by the Mayan calender?  I hope not. 

As I'm capturing the sense of "Life is fragile", it makes me appreciate my family: my husband and my girls more.  We need to enjoy and love each other, and appreciate the current moment as we can.  We don't know what tomorrow will bring us.  Yes, it's just exactly Buddha's theory.  So, be nice, appreciate and treat and help each other well while we can and before the world comes to the end.  And let's pray and hope the best for those in Japan.  They sure are in my prayers.  I have faith that 2012 is not the end of the world or anywhere near to it.  But let's hope and pray for no more disasters and such sufferings around the world!

Devastation in Japan due to tsunami and quake (this picture is cited from Yahoo!)

Are parents heroes or suckers?

It was our last Sunday's dinner.  I felt so exhausted and didn't feel like cooking so we went to Black Bear Diner for our dinner.  I had a late heavy brunch thing and skipped my lunch so I was so hungry when we got there.  My entree came with the salad and his entree came with the soup.  But both of my girls love the chicken noodle soup and they were doing quite well over sharing a bowl of the soup.  And he loves the salad so I gave it to him.  While waiting for the main entree to be served, I was really starving.  And there it came my entree: a big portion of half rack ribs with tri trip roast.  Before I had started eating, they tried to grab the fries from my plate which comes as a side.  Following after that Sophie said, "May I have the pork ribs, Mama?"  And Michelle is a good copycat to her elder sister and was requesting the same.  So instead of trying to satisfy my empty stomach, I started taking off the meat from the ribs and putting them on each of their plate.  Before I had finished serving one, another demanded more and it just kept me busy for taking turn to serve them the ribs.  During this, I had to act quickly to stuff my mouth with the veggies and some fries and tri trip roast.  Yes, I was really hungry.  And I did learn over time how to feed myself quickly while I'm still serving and feeding both of them.

Well, this is a very typical day of my life for being a mom of two toddlers: one is a four and a half and another is a two and a half years old.  I used to be really impatient and could blow up when I'm being disturbed or interrupted during my meal.  Being a mom has changed me a lot of my life perspectives, what I like and dislike, my preferences and most importantly my tolerance.

In fact, that was just a one small scenario of my typical day.  There could be several other ones which they could drive me nuts. For instance, Sophie often asks me to bring her to the restroom right in the middle of my meal at the restaurants and makes me wait there while she is poop-ing and I have to clean her afterward.  Needless to say to wipe her poop, I used to get puked for bringing up any conversation containing any topic or partial of the poop. But now, this totally is a whole new me.

If my mom is still alive then will she be proud of me for being how I'm coping a motherhood or will she be laughing at me and saying like "Now you got and sympathize me?"

I have to admit that being a parent is one of the most challenging jobs I have ever done.  While I'm trying my best to be a good model of them, I often got annoyed and lost my temper and patience and there got some days I could not control myself and ended up yelling at them.  I often teach them that yelling is not good and to be gentle and polite.  Then I apparently am not supposed to be yelling and when I did yell, it really made me guilty afterward and felt like I was not doing the right thing right away.  One time, after I had calmed down, Sophie approached me and confronted me by asking "Mama, you told me that yelling is not good and why were you so mad and yelling at us?" in her soft voice.  I was speechless initially and had to apologize and comforted her that I was not supposed to be doing this and would not be doing it again next time. 

One of the challenging moments (They are not happy with each other)

It's not really easy to be a parent, especially when you want to be a good one.  I have to sacrifice a lot.  In fact, we: both my husband and I.  What I like to do and what I want to do does not come first, and what they need and what is good for them come first instead.

I don't remember how long I've been giving up watching TV.  There only got about an hour after we've finished dinner and I've finished cleaning up everything in the kitchen before hitting the bed.  Kids at this age need 12-15 hours of sleep everyday and we need to put them asleep around 8:30pm.  During that one hour, they want to watch their favorite Caillou or Elmo or Dora or whatever.  They are our priority so there they go watching their favorite comics or animations while we could only force ourselves to keep them company and watch along with whatever their favorites they are watching.  I have never been to any theater in the States.  Soon after we've arrived here, we got Sophie and about two years after that Michelle joined our family.  So where do we have a chance to go to the theaters with these two little ones?  There got times their preschool runs the "Parents Night Out" program but we've never thought of signing it up even once.  Both of us feel really guilty going out ourselves without them.  One time, my mother-in-law was with us so we had decided to celebrate the Valentine's Day in LA by leaving Sophie and Michelle with her.  We planned to stay there for a couple of days but I felt so guilty and missed them so much during the first day and we rushed back home on second day. 

They often drive you nuts and make you crazy while you're with them.  Then why do I feel guilty and feel like something is missing when I'm not with them?  No matter how I feel exhausted or how I feel mad or whatever mode I'm in, if they come and hug you and give you a kiss and tell you like "I love you mommy" then my heart got melted and feel like every single thing I've done or sacrificed is so worth it.  Sometimes when I think of myself, I do not recognize myself as I've changed and adapted myself a lot; I could see that I've changed drastically before and after becoming a mom. 

I read in the news that bringing up a kid from an infant to the age of 18 costs you about $190,000.  We have two kids and it will make us cost like about $380,000?  That's true.  Really, the tuition fee of their preschool we're paying for both of them could actually cover another mortgage and it's like we're paying two different mortgages.  These are just a few to name and there are countless sacrifices we've done for them as a parent. 

I have a lot of friends in Singapore and most of them are singles to date.  When they expose their lives via Facebook convincing that they are really enjoying their lives, it sometimes make me envy them of being able to do whatever I want to do care freely without having to consider anything else.  And I come across this article on Times: "Kid Crazy: Why we exaggerate the joys of parenthood" .  The author concluded his article with the line: "Of course parents should be commended for one little thing they do: maintain the existence of humanity.  I praise them for that, but I think they are both heroes and suckers. (http://healthland.time.com/2011/03/04/why-having-kids-is-foolish)" really hits my heart and thus it becomes the title of my blog. 

I have to admit that I sometimes think myself that what if I don't get married til now?  I might be enjoying myself with whatever things I want to do and wherever I want to go.  Will I be really happy by then?  Will my life be really meaningful by being myself alone throughout the rest of my life?  Well, life will get bored without any challenges and without any twists and turns to face and deal with.  I'll feel so awesome at the beginning but I might get bored over the time with the loneliness.  On my birthday, who gonna brighten my day with the birthday kiss?  When I get sick, who gonna crawl to my bed and hug me and bring me a glass of water to make me feel better? Whom do I hold when I feel lonely, especially when he's on business trip?  Who gonna bring noises and joy to our house to be a home-sweet-home? 

Well, just like everything else, there are always pros and cons and so it does for being a parenthood or having kids.  However, I personally feel that the pros outweigh the cons.  Their giggles and hugs and kisses and achievements will make your way and give you encouragement to keep going.  And yes, it will make your life worthwhile to live by and goes on.  Think about it, our parents sacrifice for us and now it's our turn.  We just have to play our part to pass this tradition to our kids. And they will pass this to their kids and so on and many more generations to come.  My parents play one of the most important parts of my life for being who I am today.  And I have faith that I play an important part to a healthy life (both physically and mentally) of my kids.  My parents owe me endless gratitude by sacrificing a lot of things in their life.  I'm now doing the same for my kids.  I don't feel like they owe me anything or I don't want them to feel this way but I'm just returning them for whatever I've owed to my parents.  I love them and they love me and a happy family is the key.  Thus, I claim that parents are heroes whose lives could get suck from times to times but they definitely are not suckers.  It just depends on how you think it and from the perspective you're looking at I think.  Happy parenting!!

One of ecstatic moments (Totally worth it!!)