Well, this is a very typical day of my life for being a mom of two toddlers: one is a four and a half and another is a two and a half years old. I used to be really impatient and could blow up when I'm being disturbed or interrupted during my meal. Being a mom has changed me a lot of my life perspectives, what I like and dislike, my preferences and most importantly my tolerance.
In fact, that was just a one small scenario of my typical day. There could be several other ones which they could drive me nuts. For instance, Sophie often asks me to bring her to the restroom right in the middle of my meal at the restaurants and makes me wait there while she is poop-ing and I have to clean her afterward. Needless to say to wipe her poop, I used to get puked for bringing up any conversation containing any topic or partial of the poop. But now, this totally is a whole new me.
If my mom is still alive then will she be proud of me for being how I'm coping a motherhood or will she be laughing at me and saying like "Now you got and sympathize me?"
I have to admit that being a parent is one of the most challenging jobs I have ever done. While I'm trying my best to be a good model of them, I often got annoyed and lost my temper and patience and there got some days I could not control myself and ended up yelling at them. I often teach them that yelling is not good and to be gentle and polite. Then I apparently am not supposed to be yelling and when I did yell, it really made me guilty afterward and felt like I was not doing the right thing right away. One time, after I had calmed down, Sophie approached me and confronted me by asking "Mama, you told me that yelling is not good and why were you so mad and yelling at us?" in her soft voice. I was speechless initially and had to apologize and comforted her that I was not supposed to be doing this and would not be doing it again next time.
One of the challenging moments (They are not happy with each other)
It's not really easy to be a parent, especially when you want to be a good one. I have to sacrifice a lot. In fact, we: both my husband and I. What I like to do and what I want to do does not come first, and what they need and what is good for them come first instead.
I don't remember how long I've been giving up watching TV. There only got about an hour after we've finished dinner and I've finished cleaning up everything in the kitchen before hitting the bed. Kids at this age need 12-15 hours of sleep everyday and we need to put them asleep around 8:30pm. During that one hour, they want to watch their favorite Caillou or Elmo or Dora or whatever. They are our priority so there they go watching their favorite comics or animations while we could only force ourselves to keep them company and watch along with whatever their favorites they are watching. I have never been to any theater in the States. Soon after we've arrived here, we got Sophie and about two years after that Michelle joined our family. So where do we have a chance to go to the theaters with these two little ones? There got times their preschool runs the "Parents Night Out" program but we've never thought of signing it up even once. Both of us feel really guilty going out ourselves without them. One time, my mother-in-law was with us so we had decided to celebrate the Valentine's Day in LA by leaving Sophie and Michelle with her. We planned to stay there for a couple of days but I felt so guilty and missed them so much during the first day and we rushed back home on second day.
They often drive you nuts and make you crazy while you're with them. Then why do I feel guilty and feel like something is missing when I'm not with them? No matter how I feel exhausted or how I feel mad or whatever mode I'm in, if they come and hug you and give you a kiss and tell you like "I love you mommy" then my heart got melted and feel like every single thing I've done or sacrificed is so worth it. Sometimes when I think of myself, I do not recognize myself as I've changed and adapted myself a lot; I could see that I've changed drastically before and after becoming a mom.
I read in the news that bringing up a kid from an infant to the age of 18 costs you about $190,000. We have two kids and it will make us cost like about $380,000? That's true. Really, the tuition fee of their preschool we're paying for both of them could actually cover another mortgage and it's like we're paying two different mortgages. These are just a few to name and there are countless sacrifices we've done for them as a parent.
I have a lot of friends in Singapore and most of them are singles to date. When they expose their lives via Facebook convincing that they are really enjoying their lives, it sometimes make me envy them of being able to do whatever I want to do care freely without having to consider anything else. And I come across this article on Times: "Kid Crazy: Why we exaggerate the joys of parenthood" . The author concluded his article with the line: "Of course parents should be commended for one little thing they do: maintain the existence of humanity. I praise them for that, but I think they are both heroes and suckers. (http://healthland.time.com/2011/03/04/why-having-kids-is-foolish)" really hits my heart and thus it becomes the title of my blog.
I have to admit that I sometimes think myself that what if I don't get married til now? I might be enjoying myself with whatever things I want to do and wherever I want to go. Will I be really happy by then? Will my life be really meaningful by being myself alone throughout the rest of my life? Well, life will get bored without any challenges and without any twists and turns to face and deal with. I'll feel so awesome at the beginning but I might get bored over the time with the loneliness. On my birthday, who gonna brighten my day with the birthday kiss? When I get sick, who gonna crawl to my bed and hug me and bring me a glass of water to make me feel better? Whom do I hold when I feel lonely, especially when he's on business trip? Who gonna bring noises and joy to our house to be a home-sweet-home?
Well, just like everything else, there are always pros and cons and so it does for being a parenthood or having kids. However, I personally feel that the pros outweigh the cons. Their giggles and hugs and kisses and achievements will make your way and give you encouragement to keep going. And yes, it will make your life worthwhile to live by and goes on. Think about it, our parents sacrifice for us and now it's our turn. We just have to play our part to pass this tradition to our kids. And they will pass this to their kids and so on and many more generations to come. My parents play one of the most important parts of my life for being who I am today. And I have faith that I play an important part to a healthy life (both physically and mentally) of my kids. My parents owe me endless gratitude by sacrificing a lot of things in their life. I'm now doing the same for my kids. I don't feel like they owe me anything or I don't want them to feel this way but I'm just returning them for whatever I've owed to my parents. I love them and they love me and a happy family is the key. Thus, I claim that parents are heroes whose lives could get suck from times to times but they definitely are not suckers. It just depends on how you think it and from the perspective you're looking at I think. Happy parenting!!
One of ecstatic moments (Totally worth it!!)
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